Maybe I like being FAT!

Maybe that's not true, but some days I don't care.

Some days I have NO control... Its like a lift out of my body and watch it devour EVERYTHING in its path. Last night (and the day before) were those kind of days. I didn't want to go to the gym, but did and followed detox rules all day, but when I got home the cravings became TOO much and I ate everything.

I didn't even feel disgusting or full afterwards, which is surreal and not very helpful and preventing me from doing it again.

I have all the tools to be successful, but my will power is seriously lacking. I have NO drive. I tried on the wedding dresses and looked stunning... no improvement needed, damn dresses.

I am going to muscle up at lunch and for a run this evening... let's hope something changes and I get back in the swing of things soon.

Love!

Who the hell...

... works out when its 48 degrees???

Answer: THIS GIRL *pointing thumbs at my chest*

And now I feel like dying. It is so hot and I am in Air Conditioning, I worked out in AC, but it is still insanely hot! I could have stood outside for an hour and probably sweat more, but with the new detox I am really excited to weigh in tomorrow and thought a HUGE work-out might push me over under the limit.

I will report tomorrow!

Love!

ihola!

I am in a good mood today. I don't always know what that means, but honestly I feel good about life. I have had my ups and downs, stresses and disappointments. I think that's the reason I don't write. I try to keep this blog, light and fun with a dash of reality, but lately I just feel as if everything has been moving in fast forward and I am struggling to keep up.

Today, however, I feel good. I am back on track with my fitness and weight loss, my bridal party sorted itself out and I am happy to say I have a made of honor (Thank you Cheryl). Richard is back to work and I am finally starting to enjoy owning a house (all the bills are paid ;).

I am successfully on day 4 of my RE-TOX (that's redoing, the detox). Its not as hard as last time, although I am hungry most of the time and I did have a peanut M&M yesterday. I am down 6 pounds. I know it might be water, but my intake hasn't changed. I think it is honestly the sugar and wheat (I was never big on dairy).

So I have 17days left and I can't wait to see where this leaves me.

And I am going dress shopping on Saturday so let's hope the sample sizes fit on this less than perfect body.

Love!

PS - I am no longer obese either... crazy, right?! I never thought I was until I looked at my BMI on the doctors chart, but as of last night I left the Obese range and proudly walked into the Overweight range. I never thought I would celebrate being overweight... ha!

How much time?

How much time do I have to get in shape and prepare my body for babies?? Let's be honest, that is my only motivations... I want babies. I want a healthy pregnancy. I want a healthy baby. I want a body that bounces back AFTER my healthy pregnancy!

I am no where near ready for babies... in fact, I shouldn't even be thinking about it. I have a year to plan a wedding and the rest of my life to think about babies. I just feel like everyone around me is prego... sister-in-law, friends, co-workers, cousins. I can't wait to grow life, but it all comes with a great fear.

I recently fell in love with a blog http://www.sweetbabyjames.org/. It follows this wonderful family and their son, who is born against all odds and suffers many setbacks. Its a heart wrenching story as you battle, along side them, for insurance, support and a solution. It has really got me thinking about my future babies and what I would do to protect them and give them the best chance possible at life, not that I am implying a mother can control the growth and development of her child. I just want the best odds out there.

On that note; alone I have decided to re-start my detox program and stick to it this time. I will detox (no wheat, sugar or dairy) for 3 weeks. After that I will move into a more realistic diet, but one that will change my life. I have lost touch with my goals since achieving so many in the short term... buying a house, being independent...etc.

I am ok today, but it is only day one... day three and four is when it starts to hurt and I begin to struggle.

Wish me luck.

I have just over 11 months to work it out.

Love!

slack... Slack... SLACKER!

Do I even blog anymore?!?

Sorry!

I have been away on the only vacation I will get for the next 12 months. In fact, the next time I have off will be to run away on my honeymoon! Woo! We haven't decided where just yet, but I am sure it will be a magical adventure (that was even a little too lovey for me).

So... how has my fitness been maintain during my absences? We'll see once I hit the gym this afternoon, but I did alright with a little nature walk (we took the steep path) and some wood chopping and stacking. I did A LOT of stairs and practised squats, lunges and sprints during a few heated games of beer pong. I made it into the pool a few times for some serious swimming... standing sessions. All and all I was a lazy cow the entire 10 days. I am proud and ashamed of it.

I have decided to start another detox... the same program as before. I will give up Dairy, Wheat and Sugar for three weeks. I haven't started yet, but I will and when I do... watch out scale, you will crumble in defeat!!

I have another 10 pounds to lose in about 3 weeks... firstly because I have a follow up appointment with my naturopath and I am embarrassed of my results since I last visited her 2 months ago. Secondly I am going wedding dress shopping at the end of the month and I want to feel pretty. I don't want to feel fat, because none of the sample dresses fit me. I am nervous and excited about the entire thing.

There is nothing worse than a fat bride... a little harsh yes, but its the one day in your life where you get to be a princess, doted on, primped and primed to start your life as a wife... the expectations are un-realistic, but I want to look back at my wedding pictures and be thrilled for the rest of my life. I don't want any regrets... I don't want to look at my flabbery (yes its a word) arms or my jelly roll belly...

Wish me luck! I am off to the gym!

Love!