So MUCH things to discuss!

Yes, I aware that is grammatical in correct, but there are 'much' things I need to write about.

Let's talk about yesterday... 3 workouts. I already talked about the first two, but the third... what an interesting experience. I joined Cassy for a Hot Yoga Detox class last night..

Detox Vinyasa - A gentle Vinyasa flow suitable for all levels. The intention of this practice is to detoxify the mind and body by stimulating, cleansing and nourishing from the inside out.

What an amazingly intense and eye opening class. It is what I always expected Hot Yoga to be; not just poses in a hot room, but chanting, breathing techniques and spiritual connections and thanks. Now, I am not a granola, I don't buy into all the hype, but this class made me feel centred calm and refreshed. We worked through the Vinyasa flow to 'ring out' every organ and increase blood flow. We worked our diaphragm through intense breathing exercise and lots of holding. I can't even begin to describe.

Trish ended with a prayer, which I am trying to find and it just made everything make sense. I love yoga, I love feeling at one with my surroundings.

You know who doesn't like Yoga... Walter.

Last night as we were 'ringing out' our glands Walter screamed as I cut of circulation to him and then forced blood to rush through him and my every other creature living in my throat. No one else reacted as poorly as Walter... this morning I woke up to a large, hard lump in my throat, more so to the right side. The discomfort has returned... in the second picture, you can kind of his him; fully extended. WTF?! I have to make an appointment with my doctor for another ultrasound, this is getting past funny into annoying. I am read to part ways with Walter... even if that means surgery. Which let's hope it doesn't, although hospital time means ICE CREAM (guilt free) and TEDDY BEARS!

As I sit here typing this Walter is pushing on my esophagus, making me want to swallow continuously. Hmpf.

Finally (of my much things) I pulled out the scale this morning. Look, 3 times a week is still better than 3 times a day. Baby steps. The results are positive though... I have lots a few pounds and maybe I missed a disheartening increase. Who knows? I put the scale away until Friday for my offical weigh in.

That's it and I think that is 'much'.

Love!

Pounds to Lose: 18

The messy PART TWO: I hate my life.

I hate my life. I hate Walter. I hate my body. I hate... this. I am SO angry with myself (not for the chocolate incident). I am so sick of being in a body that DOESN'T work! I hate that I place all the value of myself on what the scale says. I hate that I have NO motivation to do anything today. I hate being tired. All. The. Time. I hate the way I look, when things don't function properly. I hate my hair, my skin and my feet (the foot thing is unrelated, but I hate it).

I feel like I am working SO hard. I feel like I am giving up everything, sacrificing things that make me happy (re: chocolate) for what? I had 4 Hershey Kisses yesterday (maybe it was 5, do you WANT to argue with me right now?!) and I gained 1.5 pounds. I feel disgusting and defeated. Even with that splurge my calorie intake was 1553ish. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?! How can a woman of my size eat 1550 healthy (minus the chocolate) calories and GAIN WEIGHT?! Answer... a defunct thyroid and a messy treatment that creates a 'Walter' and resolves nothing. OK, that's not fair... the treatment MAY be working, by causing an uproar BEFORE flushing everything out, but how am I suppose to know that??? I am afraid to keep going and afraid to stop.

Walter is getting fat, (fitting since he is a part of my body). He traps air in my throat and makes me burp. I feel congested and like I have something stuck right there under my apple. Hmpf.

I am just ready for something to work. I am ready for anything to work. I would stand on my head for a week if someone told me it would fix this. I am caught in a HUGE mood swing, I want to cry. I am so burned out. It has been 3 years of the same... make a goal, strive daily to hit the goal, work too hard at the gym, eat nothing and get nowhere... at what point do I say 'F it' and just accept that I am a full figured women with flabby arms?!? I want to be ok with my body more than I want babies (and that is A LOT). I want to feel normal, successful and healthy. I don't want to fear every calorie or treat. I don't want to live a life of restriction forever. Imagine the joy and pleasure I am going to miss out on, because I am so scared to make a mistake.

ARGH!

I hate my life.

No Love!

Pounds to lose: 21

There are TWO parts to this post - PART ONE: CHOCOLATE

**I had to break up this post, because the frustration and anger I am feeling today will take away from the very funny thing I did yesterday.

I met with a friend for lunch and a quick Valentine's Day recap, we talked for hours and it was great to catch up and resolve some lose ends. From my VDAY post you know I was all a 'twitter' with love yesterday.

I floated back to my desk to find a pile of Hershey's Kisses. My. Favorite. Chocolate. I thanked the generous provider of the chocolates moved them OUT of eye sight and got to work. I don't know when it happen. I don't know how, but my hands and the chocolate craving part of my body seemed to override my willpower and sense of detox. In seconds warm milk chocolate was flowing over my tongue, the instant pleasure of this is making my lips curl and my eyes warm. And then ---

"I'M EATING CHOCOLATE!" I screamed, in my office... that I share with 7 other writers. I through my arms back and pushed away from my desk, clearly angry.

"Are you ok?" One brave co-worker asks. And then I notice them all frozen staring at me with a look of humor and -- fear.

"No," I said and blow out a sigh "I don't know how it happen."

And the room erupted in laughter... and thus the slippery slope of recovery was broken and I was back on the chocolate. I had 4 more Hershey Kisses. I don't feel guilty and I would do it again!!!

What I do feel is, annoyed. How could my body do that to me??? I have been working SO hard, avoiding ALL temptation, counting my calories and sticking to this stupid detox and then BAM! Chocolate IN my mouth.

My name is Melanie and I am a chocoholic.

Hmpf.

Update: Thyroid!

I wish this post was going to be about my success on the detox and my triumph over weight gain and hunger, but its not. I gained this week and I am miserable, because of the detox. Although I can't blame only the detox my thyroid is being a complete P.I.T.A. I am so over the treatment and wish they would clear me to have it removed. I am already in a position to be on meds for the rest of my life.

Quick run through: 3 years ago I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism after years of wondering why my body didn't work and a blood clot scare. I was put on Synthroid a synthetic thyroid (T4) replacement. After a few months of fiddling with the dosage I am now at .88mg and have been for a over a year. I get my levels checked regularly (3-4months) and everything (on paper) always 'looks good', 'is normal'. I have been calling my doctors bluff for about 6 months now as I struggle to lose weight, I find myself always cold and my moods uncontrollable amidst a dozen other thyroid (apparent) related symptoms. In October of last year (2011) my goitre returned and I underwent a barrage of tests including, chest scan (?), ultrasound and blood work. Again, my level came back at a normal range for both T4 and T3 (thyroid chemicals... I honestly can't think of the right word) BUT my ultrasound showed an enlarged thyroid and the diagnosis was Thyroiditis. I did an eye-roll and asked what that meant. The basic explanation was a viral infection that is attacking my thyroid and causing it to defend itself, by puffing up in size. It was explained to me that this is (could be) an Auto-Immune disease.

I met with a (useless) specialist who told me I was fine (I told him he was an idiot). I met with my GP who said just to ride it out and let it correct itself, but to keep an eye on it. And I met with a Naturopath who showed concern and wanted to rectify the problem before it got worse. She started me on drops (10 days ago) that are combined to force blood through the thyroid and flush it out. She told me this would fix it (hopefully) and even ease some of the symptoms I was still experiencing. After 5 days of drops my thyroid swelled to twice the size and was affecting my breathing and swallowing, plus it was pushing on my throat... which always makes me gag. Wednesday was a crummy day. She (my naturopath) told me to stop taking the drops for 3 days and start up again at a lower dosage. After 3 days (to yesterday) my thyroid was still swollen... I called her up again and she told me not to start the drops again until my thyroid was under control and if the swelling persisted through Monday to have another ultrasound done. 

In the meantime... on a restricted diet I have gained weight, my skin is a mess and, not to get to personal but, my nipples are SO itchy. I don't know if that is related, but it feels like it could be.

Never too much information... that's what I always say. I also did think about doodling a nipple, but thought that would be tacky. Sorry.

Its Friday. I should be thrilled to hit the weekend and strike another week off of my wedding countdown, but honestly I like the structure of work. I know when to eat, drink and exercise. We'll see how the weekend goes. There is no part of me that wants to continue this detox, but I made a commitment and I am going to stick to it.

Wish me luck!

Love!

UPDATE: I have a NEW endocrinologist (thyroid and metabolism specialist). I just spoke with my GP and I have a new referral; I picked the Doctor this time and I chose a woman based in Toronto. She is the top ranked endocrinologist in Toronto and I can't wait to work with her. As always I will keep you posted. I don't suspect my appointment will be in the next few weeks, but at least things are happening.

Pounds to Lose: 21

On a positive note (which should be a separate blog, but I am feeling lazy) last night was Thursday treat time! Every Thursday, detox or not, I get a treat. Typically I hunker down with a piece of milk chocolate, but since I can't have that during detox Richard took me to KindFoods in Burlington, an all Vegan Cafe/Bakery.

We decided on 'World Peace Cookies with vegan butter cream (I don't get it either). They're gluten-free, diary-free and nut-free. There are no chemicals either. I don't know how they hold it together or how they taste so DAMN good!

They were yummy, but we both had sugar highs. Yes, Richard and I shared them...

shame on you for thinking I ate ALL four.

Symptoms - Why?

Above is ONE picture I took of my thyroid, you can't really see the swelling, but I circled the

swelled area... not sure if this helps anyone who didn't know where the thyroid was.The one

on the left is the actual picture... its the better judge of my neck, because the one on the right

I had to move around and re-size.

Everyone keeps asking me 'Why are you doing this to yourself?' My symptoms this time are bad, but nothing new to report. I have headaches. I feel like a drug addict going through withdrawal. My head throbs and things get fuzzy. I lost all of my patience and my head is congested. My throat is all full of thyroid and I feel nauseous most of the time. I am tired, but not sleepy and I feel drained of all energy. So... why do I do this? Because these symptoms perfectly display the nasty side affects of a sugar addiction. The way I am feeling is because I took away all the crap my body had come to depend on. No I don't like feeling like this, but if my diet was good year round... I wouldn't feel like this during detox and as much as I call it 'detox' all it really is, is eating well; cutting out the crap, the fast food, the easy meals. Its finally treating my body the way it needs to be, to be healthy and happy for a lifetime. I wish I could sustain this mindset forever. I know that in a week I will feel better. I will feel fit and energized. I just have to get over the hump and learn to curve my cravings.

It helps that in 4 days I have lost 5 pounds, which i find very motivating. I want to hit my FINAL goal for my birthday. Its the same goal I have made for the last 3 years. I didn't expect it to take this long, but the journey is the memory and worth every nauseated step.

I feel all profound and smart today.

The other reason why I am doing all this... I want to keep my thyroid. I am willing to do anything and this diet/detox, might alleviate the stress I have put on my thyroid and give it a chance to recover. Who knows?

Love!

PS - My throat is still swollen and my thyroid is still bothering me. I was suppose to re-start the drops today, but I decided to give it ONE MORE day. Tomorrow I will re-start the drops in a smaller dosage.

Pounds to Lose: 20

There is nothing fun about it.

And so it begins. As much as I am excited to be detoxing again. There is nothing fun about this process, thus NO pictures, doodles or funny antidotes. Although I am just so naturally funny I am sure you will find a giggle tucked away in this post somewhere.

Today marked the start of a 6 week detox, which feels like forever, but New Years was 6 weeks ago and that seems like just yesterday, so... hopefully things zip along.

I spent most of yesterday stuffing my face with anything and everything I could get my hands on. I was so full, but determined to get all of the cravings out of my system PLUS things will go bad before I can happily consume them again. I hate being wasteful so I ate it. I ate it all. I feel gross this morning. My head is spinning, my mouth is dry and its hot. I am not sure what that has to do with, but withdrawal shouldn't kick in full steam until Wednesday-ish.

On the menu today... A Rice Protein Shake with mango's, bananas and berries (yum!), a spinach salad with oil and vinegar dressing and organic apple sauce for a snack. I think my entire calories are around 600, but I am trying not to keep track. Its easier that way. I am going to hit the gym today to keep with my Fitness Challenge. I was consciously more active over the weekend keeping up my daily exercise. Now I might be skewing the details, but I spent 3 hours cleaning and moving furniture. I counted it as 30minutes of cardio and felt that was fair.

Ok.
I have a pile of work to do. I am already hungry and I have to pee... I am drinking so much water it hurts. I also have to skip my morning Green Tea... its flavored, contains sugar and has a lot of caffeine. I swapped it out for hot water with lemon.

Wish my luck!

Love!

Pounds to Lose: 25

I need to organize my thoughts...

... bear with me. It might get confusing. I had TWO doctors appointments yesterday and got some very valuable information. First I met with my GP for a physical. Everything looks good and I fully cleared to make a baby. Yay! I have to start on the pre-natals, but I haven't picked them up yet. Not to get ahead of myself... I am not trying to make a baby for a few months, but he suggested I get the vitamins in my system and I agree.

Second I met with my naturopath, whom I adore. We talked about my weight gain, loss, struggles and successes. She is very concerned about my Thyroiditus which could mean I have an underlying auto immune disease, which is exactly what my doctor and the specialist said, only they didn't want to do anything about it. Nicole (my Naturo) suggested an herbal remedy to force the blood flow through my thyroid and hopefully clean it out. She explained it might help my meds work better and decrease the swelling; at this point I am game to try anything. I take 15 drops before breakfast and 15 before dinner. I have to continue this for 3 weeks and then we run the tests again.

She also pointed me down the detox path (as I was hoping she would) I start on Monday (after my martini themed Bridal Shower). It is the same detox I did this time last year and I feel good about it. I am prepared for the struggle and the frustrations, plus my food knowledge is tenfold compared to last time. The best part... Richard is going to detox with me. He has been feeling kind of crummy lately and knows he needs to do something about his diet, although the guy can eat garbage and still look amazing.

I am not going to write it all out again... its exactly the same as this. (and if you're curious about how it went last time check out this, this and this... yow!)

I am back on vitamins and protein shakes; Vitamin B and Rice Protein.

The trickiest part of this new regime is the timing. I have to take my Thyroid meds before breakfast and an hour away from any other meds. I have to take my drops before food, but away from my thyroid meds and I have to take my vitamins with food. (sidenote: How am I suppose to eat breakfast within 30 minutes of being awake? Which I heard is ideal) Its all a little jumbled, but I will get the hang of it. I am so excited to get started.

That's enough for today. Whewf!

Wish me luck.

Oh yea, I also entered the fitness challenge offered by Nicole. I have to do something physical everyday for 29 days (February) at the end of the month I have to submit my schedule and the winner will receive $100 of free product or services from Cornerstone Health Centre. Seems easy to me... I already hit the gym 6 days a week and on rest days I will convince Richard to walk with me.

Love!

PS - She finally did a FULL body analysis (I don't know why we didn't do one before). She determined my body fat percentage (35%) and my muscle percentage (I don't remember) she measured a number of things and was impressed by a few numbers in relationship to my work out schedule... its all in the numbers, and finally no one can call my bluff about working out. It felt good to know I was handling the fitness well and eating the right proteins. I know this is very vague, but she kept the little print out.

Pounds to Lose: 22

It's time

It is January 1st. I have decided its a 'free day'; my last day to enjoy everything I love and will miss for the next 6 months, because it is 6 months till the wedding... so I have 6 months to lose 25lbs and become the healthiest I have ever been.

My Free Day is the final binge before the purge... I am eating what I want in mass quantities. Its not healthy or helpful, but its my resolution and I want to do it this way - lol.

This afternoon I am going to go through the house and rid it of EVERYTHING unhealthy... candy, cookies, crackers, chips, flakys, granola bars... everything. I am going to put it all in a box and move it to the basement. This year Richard has decided to do the 'healthy' thing with me (which is awesome) but I am still questioning his commitment, so I don't want to throw everything out. He knows to put it somewhere safe, accessible and unknown by me.

As of tomorrow I am no longer consuming dairy. I am also giving up fast food and making a commitment to eat at home 6 days a week. Richard and I tend to eat out a lot, although I make healthy choices, its not good for us OR the budget. My serious (and medically supervised) starts February 1st. I have my appointment with my naturopath January 26th and I am going to ask to do the same detox from last year... I think the stress of the wedding will be easier to handle with my health in order.

Ok... I am just rambling and I need to get to the eating... I only have a few hours left.

Love!

PS - What's your resolution???

Pounds to Lose - 25

Thoughts.

I am going to ramble for a minute... you've been warned.

My proper post will come later, AFTER my final gym session of the year... which is hopefully a Step Class, but my lack of attendance has left me wondering about the schedule down there. I brought my book just in case it turns into another day on the elliptical.

On to the ramble... Cleanse.

I am all for these 'cleanse' trends. I do believe the body gathers toxins throughout the year, especially a certain person that has let her diet slip in lieu of the festivities. I do believe we need to help our digestive systems and colons with the overload of work, but sometimes I feel like it is a nasty fad, that does nothing but harm. The reason I am considering the Master Cleanse is a friend (uncle) of mine, whom I trust did it. He isn't one to get caught up in trends, he is in great shape and VERY healthy. He does this cleanse once a year for 10days to restart his system and clear everything out.

Now I am wondering... is it worth it? I typically base my opinion on fad duration... if something is only around for a few months, than it doesn't work... if it did, the business would boom and the product would be available for years to come. I don't typically jump on board right away, let some other schmuck test the waters.

Prime example: (and I don't know how these became my examples, but in my head I revert back to these).

Successful product: ProActive. I have never used it, nor do I know anyone, personally, that has used it YET I believe it works and will be ordering it in the new year. Why? Because it has been around for years.

Failure product: Abtronic. I have also never used this, but after 6months the product and company faded to the background, because you simply can't SHOCK your admoninal muscles into working... no matter how perfect the models in the commercial look. Even if you use it more than the recommended 10 minutes 3 times a week... ha!

This brings me back to the cleanse... I have been hearing about it for years. It doesn't cost anything, so there is no money in promoting it yet people do. So does it work? Will it help clear me out and get me ready for the intense wedding prep that includes... detoxing and personal training? Not sure. But I am going to try it out... for 10 days in January. I promise to blog about it, in fact you can't stop me from sharing the gory details... ha!

Daily ramble over... what do you think? The part I am most grossed out by is the Salt Water Cleanse that most sites insist you do. Ew.

I don't want to endorse any site/treatment... so for details google 'Master Cleanse'.

Love!

Post FINAL Naturopath

It was an interesting meeting and because we are all friends here, I intend on sharing the highlight of yesterday, but that comes later.

First...

Yes that is GSP holding my countdown.

And then the meeting... I first met with Nancy. I still don't know her title, as I forgot to ask. She is the one that tested my system against 200+ foods, and chemicals. I wondered how it was going to work and asked a lot of questions (and you say I never do anything for you).

First she explained our bodies carry an electrical current that travels vertically from our feet to our heads. This current can be disrupted by any number of things, but today we were testing foods. Eating a food your body struggles with pulls more energy to a certain area and affects the flow, the digestive system and any other organ in its way. She explained this is why you react differently to different foods.

To test that theory she asks you to hold a large metal cylinder with one hand, while sitting in a chair with your feet flat on the ground. She than prods your other hand with a metal poker that carries the electronic break down of the foods you're testing. At no point did they rub milk all over me and wait for a reaction, its all internal and it doesn't hurt... except the constant pressure on your middle finger, which gets annoying. The results are sent to a computer and shown on a little graph. If the little line spikes above 65 you're intolerant of what is being tested. If it is below you're fine. The higher it is the worse it is for you to consume.

I hope this all makes sense.

Any who... after an hour Nancy had tested 234 things. She had a booklet of results and I had to discuss them with Nicole (my Naturopath). The only real concern she stumbled across was lettuce. I have a severe intolerance to lettuce, which is VERY rare... unless you are Celiac, which I am not (yay). She had to delve into my upbringing, because the only other reason you may have such a huge problem with Lettuce is the pesticide in the lettuce. So maybe i grew up on a farm or worked at on a farm with the constant contact with pesticide, but no. It's still a mystery and they recommended I avoid lettuce, unless its organic.

I never noticed any problem with Lettuce... although any digestive upset after eating lettuce was always attributed to the thing accompanying the lettuce. Sneaky Lettuce.

I left my appointments knowing what I should and shouldn't eat. Nothing will kill me, but its better for my health to avoid.

The other interesting thing... I am NOT lactose intolerant, but have a severe issue with Casine and Whey, the other proteins in milk products.

I am not intolerant to Gluten, but I can't have yeast or wheat... so I can have yeast free rye without concern, but that is a pain to find. I probably won't follow that rule to a tee, but its good to be aware.

The List of 'shouldn't's

Sodium Nitrate (the preservative in deli meats, bacon and sausage)
Dye, Red
Carageenan (the thickener in cheap ice cream, yogurt and soy milk)
MSG
Sodium Nitrite
Dye, Blue

White Vinegar
Yeast - Bakers
Chocolate
Soya Sauce

Red Wine
White Wine
Cola
Rum
Coffee
Root beer
Cocoa

Peanut Oil
Corn Oil
Superheated Vegetable Oil (Anything deep fried)

Cream Cheese
Parmesan
Camembert
Casein
American Cheese
Swiss Cheese
Mozzarella Cheese
Whey
Cottage Cheese
Cheddar Cheese *tear*
Butter
Yogurt
Brie

Clam
Crab
Shrimp
Red Snapper

Date
Lemon

Whole Wheat
White Flour
Wheat Bran
Spelt

Sugar Cane
Brown Sugar
Beet Sugar
Dextrose

Corn
Mushrooms

Catsup
Sweet Pickles

It seems like a lot, but in the grand scheme of things its not. I just have to be aware of what I am putting into my body, which I should be anyways.

The biggest concern I have (according to Nicole) is the natural yeast in my system. Yeast is a beast and takes on its own life when left alone. I have always had an issues with bladder infections and yeast infections, but never knew why. Turns out my yeast is off the charts. In perspective the average woman is about a 40 on the scale of yeast (I don't know what the number means, so I made that last part up, but it will make sense in a minute, bare with me) My yeast scale is around 82. So its high.

Nicole went on to explain what that means. It means I am always suffering from the aforementioned infections. It also means I crave sweets. Yeast becomes its own being inside your body and it craves sweet things. It needs sugar to grow. Thus my sweet cravings have perpetuated the problem. This much yeast in my body also affects my digestive system, my liver and a few other organs.

Nicole said my biggest concern has to be to get my Yeast number down. In order to do that I have to stop feeding it and give up sugar... in all forms, including fruit. I am also taking an anti-fungal. It is helping to attack the yeast, but it is making me so sick. The headache is out of control and its VERY uncomfortable, but its all for a purpose and i think I am beginning to understand.

I don't do well with restrictions, but i do, do well with the 'why'. Explain WHY I need to do something and I am more likely to do it. If, of course, it makes sense. This makes sense to me.

And the scale continues to drop so I can't complain. Show me results and I will stick to it.

As of today I am 4 pounds away from my 20-10 New Years Resolution. I never thought I would make it this far. As soon as I meet that goal it is on to this years goal. Another 20 pounds and being the lowest I ever have been as an adult.

Whewf! This is a LONG ass post... the funny story will have to wait till later.

Love!

Its Tuesday.

Yup! The countdown has left Facebook, or grown from Facebook on to this blog.

Only a few days left of Mother-in-Law goodness, mere weeks until total independence, and 41762 minutes until NAKED Tuesdays!

And what am I doing to distract myself? Besides making countdowns in every form possible...

I am triumphing over smaller countdowns, like today a countdown ended. The Post-Detox Diet countdown is over today. Technically I can eat WHATEVER I want. I am not going to, because I have no desire to spoil my 6 weeks of hard work, but I could and that is all that matters.

The Post-Detox has gone well... I had a rough week last week and it shows. I battled mother nature, a disgruntled parent, a vigilante bunny made of chocolate and the birthday of a much deserving foodie. I cheated, but I felt the consequence and probably won't do it again. I say 'probably' because we all know I LOVE food and will give in to temptation again, but my cravings have lulled and I feel better about myself. My body is functioning at high capacity and my mind is clear.

I would recommend a guided detox to everyone (and I have).

I am curious about tonight's appointment, in fact I have two. My first is with a 'Food' doctor. She has a 'real' title, but I don't know it. She is going to test my system with over 250 different foods and give me a full break down of my bodies intolerance and possible allergies. I don't know what to expect, but chocolate may be on the chopping block (I teared up, just typing that *sniff*).

I also can't decide if it is all a scam. For 28 years I have been eating food. How can I now have an issue with them? My best guess (because I often argue with myself) is I have always had issues with foods... it would explain all my ailments, but I hate it.

Oh well... I have rambled enough.

29 days... that's it!!

Yay!

Love!

I am sick.

I have been sick for about a week. It started as a sore throat and grew into a congestion monster with fever and dizzy spells. And yea, I am at work.

I did take Friday off to recover, but it didn't seem to work and fell worse today. I have a great job, but I always feel guilty about taking a sick today... we work on accounts and my sick day means double the work for my co-workers and I like them, for the most part. So here I sit... using my lunch hour to type, since going to the gym didn't seem like the best use of time today.

I am sticking to my post detox... its easier than I thought. So easy I sometimes feel like I am cheating. Like right now, I am chowing down on cashews and they're great. Also with this snack was a cup or fresh pineapple. I don't feel deprived. In fact, I never feel deprived at work. I eat when I am hungry and its good. I do feel deprived at home when everyone around me is munching on snacks.... cupcakes... chips... cookies and sauces.

I think I miss cooking and baking the most... I miss being in the kitchen. Its hard to want to do all those things, when you can't eat it or taste it along the way, but I guess that is what got me into this mess... Nicole completely Dr.Phil'd me... with a 'If what you're doing isn't working, change.' She's right, but after 28 years of doing it my way its hard to conform... even more so because I hate being told what to do, but as I said to her as long as the scale goes down I will mindlessly follow direction.

On that note... the scale has gone down, actually it is lower than it has been in almost 3 years AND I am not only 7 pounds away from my overall goal for 2010... late yes, but better late than never.

I am good... sick, but satisfied.

Love!

Day One...

I am getting the hang of this... finally. I actually had a satisfying dinner and am excited about my lunch. I am allowed a small amount of goat cheese everyday (1 ounce). I am going to abuse that right and eat goat cheese ALL THE TIME!

Last night I also quenched my thirst of bread... I found gluten-free, diary-free, sugar-free Millet loaf. It was alright... even good toasted with my scrambled eggs. It felt so good to sink my teeth in. I went to bed full... not just because I was congested, but because I had a full day of food and it felt good.

I think the underlying reason for all these food restrictions is to take food out of my every thought and make it JUST food. I can't focus on my diet because its not worth it... I don't dream about, drool about it or fantasize about it, but I think that's because swimming in a pool of chocolate is WAY better than a pool of gluten-free, sugar-free sludge. I am quickly becoming a person that eats to live and doesn't live to eat... a sad realization, but I am happy to make changes to be healthy.

I even powered through spinning yesterday. I survived the entire class and felt good. I haven't done that in weeks... now if I could just shake this stupid cold I would be good.

Vitamin C is my very best friend and the tropical fruit chewables are just like candy ;)

Another day...

Wish me Luck.

Love!

Or so I thought...

I met with  Nicole (my Naturopath, but I hate typing that word) last night. I am happy to say she was happy with my diet over the last 3 weeks. She was thrilled I stuck to it and was impressed by the diversity of my meal plans.

She followed up all the praise with... now we start the POST detox plan. This will take over the next 3 weeks. Its a lot of the same rules, but this time she has limited my portions AND limited my snacks. That being said I do get fruits back, natural sweeteners (honey, maple syrup) and lean beef. I am less regulated on my daily consumption, but I still can't have sugar, wheat or diary.

So I should feel better BUT I don't, because on top of giving up everything I love... I am sick. I have the worst sore throat I have ever had... and because of the pile of papers at  my desk. I am at work.

Oh yea and I get goat cheese... I don't know how I feel about that yet.

All of this is followed up with an appointment with a food... um... I think she is a food doctor, but I'm not sure. She will test over 250 foods with my system and let me know what I am truly allergic too.

Hmmm...

Wish my luck.

Love!

DAY 22 and its over!

Whewf! I made it... at the very least Richard survived the entire ordeal.

I have a final appointment tonight to see just what it all means and I hope, for my doctors sake, I am not allergic to gluten. I miss bread SO much!

As for the Richard reference... I am lucky to have someone SO understanding.

Day FOUR... started like any other day, but after 4 hours of traffic and a never depleting inbox I was ready to explode on any creature that dared to cross my path. I came home looking for a fight... This is where I have to admit, Richard and I don't fight, but tonight I would make it happen.

He sat casually on the bed... simply playing Call of Duty. At first I said nothing, daring him to ask about my day, but he didn't. He was engulfed in his game, which made things worse. Why wasn't he paying attention to me? I barked at him about ignoring me. Than I barked about his response and when he wouldn't respond I yelled at him for not communicating with me. He sat and smiled as I ranted about everything in my life. I went on to explain I hated my life. I hated every detail of our life and honesty I was ready to walk in front of a bus. I am screaming at this point and still he says nothing. Finally, I told him he didn't love me and stormed out.

After he had fallen asleep I climbed into bed. Our first night without a goodnight kiss and cuddle. I still had steam coming out of my ears over his lack of enthusiasm during our fight.

Day FIVE... after the post was even worse. I wanted a cookie so badly I scoured the Internet for something I could make at home. It couldn't contain wheat, diary or sugar. A daring feat, but after hours of crying at my computer begging for a break I found a vegan recipe that just might work. I had also cried to my follow detoxer Cheryl about being SO HUNGRY. She suggested Rice noodles and Pesto. I hate pasta, but I was desperate. I sent a text to Richard trying to exude excitement about my cookie recipe. His replied described how he was enjoying an Oreo. I was still sucking up after Day FOUR and didn't reply the way I wanted to... instead I cried. I stopped at the grocery store on the way home and spent $50 on specialty crap I needed to make these vegan cookies and this detox friendly dinner. They didn't have regular rice noodle so I got vermicelli noodles. They didn't have any fresh chicken so I go frozen chicken breast... and so on.

I came home ready to try out my new recipes... full of excitement over my new found treasures.

My cookies came out resembling cow pattys... only grosser.

My noodles had balled together, because you don't cook rice noodles the same as REAL noodles. My frozen chicken breast resembled a sponge when it was cooked and after dousing it all in pesto I realized this particular brand of pesto was made with cheese... I can't EAT cheese.

I threw out my cookies after demanding my mother in law taste them and calling her liar when she said they weren't THAT bad.

I marched upstairs to an awaiting Richard with my green ball of goo and sponge chicken. I didn't even make it into the room before I started weeping... uncontrollably. I couldn't be consoled. I couldn't catch my breath. I tried to explain the horror of my day, but Richard couldn't understand me and honestly he didn't hide his laughter all that well. I was a mess. He finally let me sit on his lap and there I sat crying for the next couple hours, before I finally fell asleep with an empty stomach.

This is why I hate detox... this is also why Richard is questioning going through pregnancy with me... poor guy didn't even see it coming.

I am almost done... it all comes to a close tonight and even though I know its going to make me sick... I am eating Oreo ice cream when I get home.

Wish me luck!

Love!

DAY ELEVEN

I am so BORED of detox.

I skipped dinner last night in protest... I can't eat a plain chicken breast again. I hate this.

I am sick of everything... I can ever just grab a snack, everything takes hours to prepare and I am hungry ALL the TIME! I can't stop thinking about cookies and I hate that I can't have them.

What happens at the end of this? Do I just go back to eating what I want minus the gluten? This sucks.

I am hating this... obviously.

That's all.

DAY EIGHT

Hey!

Things are going well... I should have made amens since the angry post of DAY FIVE, but its been incredibly busy here.

I am happy to report my mood leveled out by Friday and the weekend was good. I always struggle on the weekends, because I don't have a schedule. During the week I know when I am expecting to eat and what. I know how much water I will drink and when... on the weekends its a free for all.

Saturday I was VERY good... we spent the day out of the house exploring our new neighbourhood and window shopping for the house... including a trip to Ikea, the wedding venue and KindFood.

I packed snacks and drooled over Richards cheese burger, but didn't waver from my detox... that is HUGE for me.

Now to back track to KindFood... my new favorite bakery. I had googled 'Vegan' recipes, because I figured that was the best way to explain my detox and find recipes beyond plain chicken and steamed veggies... I stumbled across their website, which I have linked to before because of their great articles on health and wellness, they offer cooking classes and have a little grocery store... all inside the bakery. I wanted something sweet as a treat for sticking to my detox, but I wanted to stick to my detox. I decided a cupcake from KindFood was it... after the hour drive I was ready for my sugar indulgent (even though they don't use refined sugar in anything).

I was delighted to find a FULL cafe with smiling staff (I am always intimidated to go into 'health' places, because I don't look the part) after a tutorial on how it works and what they have I decided on a Banana Algae cupcake... it was AWESOME. Moist and perfect, with no weird vegetable aftertaste. I am completely impressed and wondering if they'll make my wedding cake :)

Sunday was a different day... mainly because I didn't eat. I know... I know... but it wasn't intentional. I got into scrap booking and lost track of time. I finally came too around 6:30pm... not a healthy way to detox, but I swear it was not on purpose. At 6:30 I had some scrambled eggs with a diced apple and went to bed... I am paying for it today, with an upset digestive system, but I will recover.

Week Two of detox has officially began and its going well... so far.

Love!

DAY FIVE

Today I am angry and I DARE you to ask where DAY FOUR went.

I think I have peaked on the sugar withdrawal. I have the shakes, I have been sweating ALL day and I am angry at the world. I nearly took on a transport truck on, on the way to work, because he was in my way. I should remind you I drive a hatchback.

My head is throbbing and my patience are virtually NON-existent!

I hate how I feel today and all i want to do today is crawl into bed, alone and undisturbed. I know I will pick a fight with my fiance tonight they may result in my loss of a fiance. Granted all the topics are valid, but I am sure today I lack a thing called 'tact'.

Thank GOD my mother in law to be is out of the house this evening... I can't be held responsible for my actions and all I want right now is CHOCOLATE! I want it and I want it BAD!

I went down to the gym to try and get rid of this bad energy, but I just found myself angry with the stupid cow on the machine beside me. If you are NOT going to do it RIGHT. Get off the machine!!!!!

There aren't enough exclamation marks to make my point.

ARGH!!!!!

This is NOT what I signed up for... I hate my life.

DAY THREE

I am just motoring along, but I have to admit it feels weird not to count calories. I can eat what ever I want, from my very limited list of things I am allow. It feels like I am cheating, because I am not logging and last night I was SO hungry I needed a snack... normally it would be popcorn or, dare I say, Ice Cream but last night I found comfort with Hummus, carrots and celery. It was yummy.

I even caught myself several times reaching for a cheat... Richard had ranch Doritos's last nightbut everytime I stopped before I got there.

I also took the time last night to MAKE dinner... not just a quickie. I decided to experiment with my allowed ingredients and had brown rice with Molasses Chicken and steamed broccoli. It was YUM!

I made up the recipe, but it was basically  chunks of chicken in a frying pan with an inch of water. I let them cook on low and when they we're cooked through I added 1/4 cup of molasses and a few whole garlic cloves. Then I turned down the heat and let it simmer while I worked on the rice and the broccoli.

The molasses reduced and made a sticky sauce for the rice.

Richard even ate is with me AND enjoyed it.

I was actually surprised last night... the phone rang and it was my Naturopath. She wanted to check in with me. She had asked me to call with any concerns and I hadn't... I had been following the rules and didn't have a lot of questions. Anyways... she called to check up on me and make sure I was having success.

She also gave me one more restriction. No more daily weigh ins. She said it has become an obession and I agree, but I love watching my weight decline... in fact today I was down another pound. Before you judge. She said I could weigh in this morning, but not again until Wednesday.

I went to step yesterday too... again I had boundless energy and incredible body heat. It was good.

I am happy and finally without a headache.

Love!

DAY TWO

Things seem to be going well.

I slept like a baby last night and most of this evening. I was in bed by 7:30 and slept until 5:30 this morning. I didn't even move in my sleep. I was in the exact position I fell asleep in.

I also lost 5 pounds. I would attribute that to water weight, but losing those 5 pounds has put me at my lowest weight in 6 months.

Even the gym was different. I was on the elliptical, my standard Monday work-out and I was running through my workout. I was sweating more than ever and it felt incredible easy, even after I turned up the tension.

Could all-natural fuel really be better for my body? An obvious answer, but hard to realize when you're lost in the world of processed food.

I have cheated, not because I wanted to, but because I didn't realize I had. Stupid, I know, but I didn't count my 'oats' as grains. I am only suppose to have 2 grains a day, but yesterday I had 3. I also cheated with my fruits. I was starving and I don't like many vegetables so I had 4 fruits instead of my allotted 2.

Any who... I am off to STEP today, they cancelled my spin class.

I will keep you posted.

Love!

PS - I found a great website and I am excited to say they are very close to my new home... KIND FOOD. The website is full of great articles and intriguing food ideas.