The messy PART TWO: I hate my life.

I hate my life. I hate Walter. I hate my body. I hate... this. I am SO angry with myself (not for the chocolate incident). I am so sick of being in a body that DOESN'T work! I hate that I place all the value of myself on what the scale says. I hate that I have NO motivation to do anything today. I hate being tired. All. The. Time. I hate the way I look, when things don't function properly. I hate my hair, my skin and my feet (the foot thing is unrelated, but I hate it).

I feel like I am working SO hard. I feel like I am giving up everything, sacrificing things that make me happy (re: chocolate) for what? I had 4 Hershey Kisses yesterday (maybe it was 5, do you WANT to argue with me right now?!) and I gained 1.5 pounds. I feel disgusting and defeated. Even with that splurge my calorie intake was 1553ish. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?! How can a woman of my size eat 1550 healthy (minus the chocolate) calories and GAIN WEIGHT?! Answer... a defunct thyroid and a messy treatment that creates a 'Walter' and resolves nothing. OK, that's not fair... the treatment MAY be working, by causing an uproar BEFORE flushing everything out, but how am I suppose to know that??? I am afraid to keep going and afraid to stop.

Walter is getting fat, (fitting since he is a part of my body). He traps air in my throat and makes me burp. I feel congested and like I have something stuck right there under my apple. Hmpf.

I am just ready for something to work. I am ready for anything to work. I would stand on my head for a week if someone told me it would fix this. I am caught in a HUGE mood swing, I want to cry. I am so burned out. It has been 3 years of the same... make a goal, strive daily to hit the goal, work too hard at the gym, eat nothing and get nowhere... at what point do I say 'F it' and just accept that I am a full figured women with flabby arms?!? I want to be ok with my body more than I want babies (and that is A LOT). I want to feel normal, successful and healthy. I don't want to fear every calorie or treat. I don't want to live a life of restriction forever. Imagine the joy and pleasure I am going to miss out on, because I am so scared to make a mistake.

ARGH!

I hate my life.

No Love!

Pounds to lose: 21

Update: Thyroid!

I wish this post was going to be about my success on the detox and my triumph over weight gain and hunger, but its not. I gained this week and I am miserable, because of the detox. Although I can't blame only the detox my thyroid is being a complete P.I.T.A. I am so over the treatment and wish they would clear me to have it removed. I am already in a position to be on meds for the rest of my life.

Quick run through: 3 years ago I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism after years of wondering why my body didn't work and a blood clot scare. I was put on Synthroid a synthetic thyroid (T4) replacement. After a few months of fiddling with the dosage I am now at .88mg and have been for a over a year. I get my levels checked regularly (3-4months) and everything (on paper) always 'looks good', 'is normal'. I have been calling my doctors bluff for about 6 months now as I struggle to lose weight, I find myself always cold and my moods uncontrollable amidst a dozen other thyroid (apparent) related symptoms. In October of last year (2011) my goitre returned and I underwent a barrage of tests including, chest scan (?), ultrasound and blood work. Again, my level came back at a normal range for both T4 and T3 (thyroid chemicals... I honestly can't think of the right word) BUT my ultrasound showed an enlarged thyroid and the diagnosis was Thyroiditis. I did an eye-roll and asked what that meant. The basic explanation was a viral infection that is attacking my thyroid and causing it to defend itself, by puffing up in size. It was explained to me that this is (could be) an Auto-Immune disease.

I met with a (useless) specialist who told me I was fine (I told him he was an idiot). I met with my GP who said just to ride it out and let it correct itself, but to keep an eye on it. And I met with a Naturopath who showed concern and wanted to rectify the problem before it got worse. She started me on drops (10 days ago) that are combined to force blood through the thyroid and flush it out. She told me this would fix it (hopefully) and even ease some of the symptoms I was still experiencing. After 5 days of drops my thyroid swelled to twice the size and was affecting my breathing and swallowing, plus it was pushing on my throat... which always makes me gag. Wednesday was a crummy day. She (my naturopath) told me to stop taking the drops for 3 days and start up again at a lower dosage. After 3 days (to yesterday) my thyroid was still swollen... I called her up again and she told me not to start the drops again until my thyroid was under control and if the swelling persisted through Monday to have another ultrasound done. 

In the meantime... on a restricted diet I have gained weight, my skin is a mess and, not to get to personal but, my nipples are SO itchy. I don't know if that is related, but it feels like it could be.

Never too much information... that's what I always say. I also did think about doodling a nipple, but thought that would be tacky. Sorry.

Its Friday. I should be thrilled to hit the weekend and strike another week off of my wedding countdown, but honestly I like the structure of work. I know when to eat, drink and exercise. We'll see how the weekend goes. There is no part of me that wants to continue this detox, but I made a commitment and I am going to stick to it.

Wish me luck!

Love!

UPDATE: I have a NEW endocrinologist (thyroid and metabolism specialist). I just spoke with my GP and I have a new referral; I picked the Doctor this time and I chose a woman based in Toronto. She is the top ranked endocrinologist in Toronto and I can't wait to work with her. As always I will keep you posted. I don't suspect my appointment will be in the next few weeks, but at least things are happening.

Pounds to Lose: 21

On a positive note (which should be a separate blog, but I am feeling lazy) last night was Thursday treat time! Every Thursday, detox or not, I get a treat. Typically I hunker down with a piece of milk chocolate, but since I can't have that during detox Richard took me to KindFoods in Burlington, an all Vegan Cafe/Bakery.

We decided on 'World Peace Cookies with vegan butter cream (I don't get it either). They're gluten-free, diary-free and nut-free. There are no chemicals either. I don't know how they hold it together or how they taste so DAMN good!

They were yummy, but we both had sugar highs. Yes, Richard and I shared them...

shame on you for thinking I ate ALL four.

Mondays

I have a serious case of the Mondays (holiday Mondays are WAY worse than every other Monday that isn't in December) I really thought I wouldn't hate Christmas this year, but oh yes I do. I find it stressful and overwhelming... I have had a migraine for 4 days. So I hate myself for this, but I am not going for a run. I am not going because my head hurts, I have tons of work to do and I have Doctors appointment this afternoon... so I don't want to be all sweaty. I also have an insanely long day because of above doctors appointment and probably won't get dinner (I have sent Richard to a friends house... I sound like a Mom... not his Mom, just a Mom. For reference visit my wedding blog listed below) I just want to go home and go to sleep... the perk to stress, frustration and anger is no appetite. So I am not too worried.

As for the stress, which scares me, its wedding planning, an overbearing Mother-in-law, Christmas, Dad and work... the reason it scares me is because I never used to be this stressed about my world, but suddenly I am not allowed to make any of my own decisions and I start having a panic attack. I hate having to consult someone for everything I do, all day every day. Even scarier, if I am this stressed out now... what about when I do have kids?!??! I don't want to be one of those HIGH strung out mothers.

It all relates to fitness because I can't work out when I am stressed and I want to avoid everyone and everything so I tend to hide out in bed and get fat... yes, that is still possible while starving; at least in my world.

I also recently learned almost everything that ails me is stress related... when will it end? After the wedding? I wish... I doubt it, I will always have the mother in law issues. Argh (no 'hmpf' today while the groom and I are bickering.)

As for the doctors appointment... its to get an ultrasound of my thyroid, things aren't working right and its time to fix them, although the timing is crap.

Sorry there was no advent doodle yesterday... I can't be creative when I am angry (more so than today).

Love!

Oops!

I am not sick... actually let's re-phrase with 'I am not sick enough to write a one sentence post about being sick' thats more accurate.

I was linking previous posts and clicked the wrong button without realizing until later... Oops. Sorry if I caused concern and I will promptly return the chicken noodle soup delivered lovingly to my door... Kidding! I am not returning anything.

As for today... its a whole new day. I am having a terrible, no good, very bad day. I woke up 4 times through the night; the first was because Richard fell asleep with the TV on... on wrestling. The Big guy was in the middle of yelling at the bigger guy and it all seeped into my dreams. I woke up angry and confused, slapped Richard (unintentionally) and made him turn the TV off. All of this was even more awkward, because of how sore every fiber of my being was/is. Why am I so sore you ask. I decided to run. Outside. In November. In Canada. I have this running schedule that hangs over my head and in sharing it with Richard he lays a mighty fine guilt trip when I make excuses. Its good and motivating, but sad and depressing when I am running in the dark to meet my goal. I did a 45minute run and ran just over 6k... go me! I came home with a runny nose and every part of my body ached... see my previous post in regards to the stairs that I faced to get out of the rain and into my warm house.

Wait... where was I? Right, today sucks. So not only am I tired, from being woken up (a second time involved a vivid dream about my teenage children) but while styling my mane (see picture) I through my neck out... at least that is what I think I did, because I have never done it before I can't be sure. As of right now I can't turn my head or accurately navigate my left arm without pain. On top of all that it is raining and oh yea, I fell down the stairs. Hmpf. Its really the only word to correctly grasp this kind of day. Hmpf.

Ironic though... all these things go wrong on the day I have a doctors' appointment... my first in 13 months. He's going to cringe as I shake out my laundry list of ailments for him to work out. The most important will be my Hypo symptoms... followed quickly by my neck pain. I think that testing will involve blood work too... so my very bad day will be complete with a needle. Hmpf.

I hope you enjoyed my pain... it almost makes it all worth it.

Love?

DAY 22 and its over!

Whewf! I made it... at the very least Richard survived the entire ordeal.

I have a final appointment tonight to see just what it all means and I hope, for my doctors sake, I am not allergic to gluten. I miss bread SO much!

As for the Richard reference... I am lucky to have someone SO understanding.

Day FOUR... started like any other day, but after 4 hours of traffic and a never depleting inbox I was ready to explode on any creature that dared to cross my path. I came home looking for a fight... This is where I have to admit, Richard and I don't fight, but tonight I would make it happen.

He sat casually on the bed... simply playing Call of Duty. At first I said nothing, daring him to ask about my day, but he didn't. He was engulfed in his game, which made things worse. Why wasn't he paying attention to me? I barked at him about ignoring me. Than I barked about his response and when he wouldn't respond I yelled at him for not communicating with me. He sat and smiled as I ranted about everything in my life. I went on to explain I hated my life. I hated every detail of our life and honesty I was ready to walk in front of a bus. I am screaming at this point and still he says nothing. Finally, I told him he didn't love me and stormed out.

After he had fallen asleep I climbed into bed. Our first night without a goodnight kiss and cuddle. I still had steam coming out of my ears over his lack of enthusiasm during our fight.

Day FIVE... after the post was even worse. I wanted a cookie so badly I scoured the Internet for something I could make at home. It couldn't contain wheat, diary or sugar. A daring feat, but after hours of crying at my computer begging for a break I found a vegan recipe that just might work. I had also cried to my follow detoxer Cheryl about being SO HUNGRY. She suggested Rice noodles and Pesto. I hate pasta, but I was desperate. I sent a text to Richard trying to exude excitement about my cookie recipe. His replied described how he was enjoying an Oreo. I was still sucking up after Day FOUR and didn't reply the way I wanted to... instead I cried. I stopped at the grocery store on the way home and spent $50 on specialty crap I needed to make these vegan cookies and this detox friendly dinner. They didn't have regular rice noodle so I got vermicelli noodles. They didn't have any fresh chicken so I go frozen chicken breast... and so on.

I came home ready to try out my new recipes... full of excitement over my new found treasures.

My cookies came out resembling cow pattys... only grosser.

My noodles had balled together, because you don't cook rice noodles the same as REAL noodles. My frozen chicken breast resembled a sponge when it was cooked and after dousing it all in pesto I realized this particular brand of pesto was made with cheese... I can't EAT cheese.

I threw out my cookies after demanding my mother in law taste them and calling her liar when she said they weren't THAT bad.

I marched upstairs to an awaiting Richard with my green ball of goo and sponge chicken. I didn't even make it into the room before I started weeping... uncontrollably. I couldn't be consoled. I couldn't catch my breath. I tried to explain the horror of my day, but Richard couldn't understand me and honestly he didn't hide his laughter all that well. I was a mess. He finally let me sit on his lap and there I sat crying for the next couple hours, before I finally fell asleep with an empty stomach.

This is why I hate detox... this is also why Richard is questioning going through pregnancy with me... poor guy didn't even see it coming.

I am almost done... it all comes to a close tonight and even though I know its going to make me sick... I am eating Oreo ice cream when I get home.

Wish me luck!

Love!

DAY ELEVEN

I am so BORED of detox.

I skipped dinner last night in protest... I can't eat a plain chicken breast again. I hate this.

I am sick of everything... I can ever just grab a snack, everything takes hours to prepare and I am hungry ALL the TIME! I can't stop thinking about cookies and I hate that I can't have them.

What happens at the end of this? Do I just go back to eating what I want minus the gluten? This sucks.

I am hating this... obviously.

That's all.

DAY FIVE

Today I am angry and I DARE you to ask where DAY FOUR went.

I think I have peaked on the sugar withdrawal. I have the shakes, I have been sweating ALL day and I am angry at the world. I nearly took on a transport truck on, on the way to work, because he was in my way. I should remind you I drive a hatchback.

My head is throbbing and my patience are virtually NON-existent!

I hate how I feel today and all i want to do today is crawl into bed, alone and undisturbed. I know I will pick a fight with my fiance tonight they may result in my loss of a fiance. Granted all the topics are valid, but I am sure today I lack a thing called 'tact'.

Thank GOD my mother in law to be is out of the house this evening... I can't be held responsible for my actions and all I want right now is CHOCOLATE! I want it and I want it BAD!

I went down to the gym to try and get rid of this bad energy, but I just found myself angry with the stupid cow on the machine beside me. If you are NOT going to do it RIGHT. Get off the machine!!!!!

There aren't enough exclamation marks to make my point.

ARGH!!!!!

This is NOT what I signed up for... I hate my life.

I'm not losing weight... so I am NOT writing a blog.

I hate my stressful life... ARGH!

Love!

Restart - AGAIN!

I hate myself today.

I hate that I let myself go.

I hate even more that my body is SO dysfunctional that ONE week of not counting every calorie has left me with another 10-pounds to loose.

I hate it.

I hate that the doctors can't find anything wrong, yet I know I am falling apart.

I hate that I have to starve myself and hit the gym 15 times in a week just to MAINTAIN my weight.

I hate that I will never be 'skinny'.

I hate that I want to be 'too skinny'. I want people to talk behind my back about how I have lost TOO much weight. I know it is unhealthy, but I can't stop.

I reach for that chocolate bar and instantly feel disgusted when I eat it, yet I eat it. I over indulge and hate myself for it, but can't stop.

Today I hate a lot of things... and it hurts the most to hate myself.

I am back on the Slim Fast. I need to kick start my body. I need to get moving. I have 20 pounds to loose by the end of the year and for anyone keeping track that is 8 WEEKS! I need to loose MORE than 2 pounds per week consistently for the next 8 weeks. I can't imagine the disappointment I will feel when I have to say Happy New Years as a continued fatty.

I hate that I am starting another year as a fatty. I hate that I hate my body SO much.

Wish me luck. I need to do this for my sanity. It's not even about being healthy anymore.

I am going to report to YOU everyday my diet and exercise. I promise to be completely honest.

Love!

Today's MENU
Breakfast - Slimfast Shake
Snack - Celery and Peanut Butter, Large Green Tea - black.
Lunch - 7 grain bun with Chicken, cheese and mustard with grapes.
Snack - 6 crackers, 1 large apple
Dinner - Slimfast Shake

Total Calories: 1230

Exercise
Run: 45 minutes
Restart Week 2 Push-ups.

Pounds to loose: 20(-0) - Body Fat: -0% - Inches Lost: 0 - Push Ups: 0

Hills!

BOOT CAMP (hills): 60minutes
Calories: 1000ish

First... I need new running shoes. My knees are starting to suffer and I can't risk it. I also can't afford it, but its a necessary evil. So I will spend the money. (yay! I am getting new shoes).

I desperately didn't want to go to BOOT CAMP last night. I am over it. This is my life... I find something I LOVE. I become obsessed with it and then... I loose interest, get bored and stop doing it. 8 weeks appears to be enough for me.

In fact, I am going to base my next great love on this scale and see if at 8weeks I still 'love' it.

However, you know how this fairy tale ends, because just above the black typing it shows you I did go to BOOT CAMP last night. I did run the hills... the stairs and I did do everything else I was told.

Near the end I looked something like this...

But I still did it and that is what really matters. We started normally... laps. Then we split into groups and ran up the hill and down the hill -- up the stairs and down the stairs. Good times.

I am not overly enthusiastic right now, I weigh in every morning. Most Monday's I am up... in fact EVERY Monday I am up. Typically by Wednesday (and three work-outs in) I am back on track. Not this Wednesday. I still up. Which means I won't be down on Friday... damn it.

BUT who can focus on that... today is our TWO year anniversary (not mine and YOURS... mine and Richards). Yay! Granted we celebrated on the weekend, but today is the REAL day. Two years ago today a freshed faced 23 year snuck into my downtown apartment in the middle of the night with a stuffed oil drop (Ollie, from his recent trip to the oil fields) and a can of Red Bull... to help me stay up ALL night and talk. It was great... who knew two years later I would love him more than ever and be on our way to a REAL life together.

Oh so! Love you x3 always, forever and after.

Love!

Pounds to loose: 14(-10) - Body Fat Percentage Decline: 0.6% - Inches Lost: 8

Everything is going downhill...

... and not the fun-easier-to-run down hill, but the I-am-getting-no-where-and-hate-myself down hill.

Running: 50minutes (15 run - 35 run/sprint/walk)
Calories: 728

I came to a realization as I stepped off the scale this morning up 3 pounds from Friday... I first thought, 'Oh I am bloated' then I thought 'I am de-hydrated' and then it dawned on me. Maybe I am not bloated or de-hydrated maybe I am just FAT and maybe... just MAYBE I always will be.

Nothing seems to work. I run over 20k a week. I go to Spin once a week. Muscle Up once a week and Boot Camp twice a week. I stay under my daily calorie allowance and still I can't loose to save my life. Is it muscle? No. Is it water weight? No. Am I loosing inches? No. Can I give up? No. I have to keep on this ridiculous schedule or I will balloon up to well past my starting weight... it is hopeless - HOPELESS. Ok, I know I am being over dramatic, but its my blog and I can cry is I want to.

So in light of today's crummy news and to honor my 150th post... a list of 150 things I hate.

150. Plateau's in weight loss.
149. My Bra... it hurts me daily and cost me 100-dollars!
148. Some (most) of my co-workers.
147. Whatever is rattling in the ceiling above my desk.
146. Cheap pencils. The ones that break easily and NEVER sharpen right.
145. Ribs. Not because of their rich, gooey, BBQ-ey goodness, but because I love them SO much and they are SO fattening.
144. Popcorn shells. The little brown skin that gets caught in your teeth after eating popcorn
143. My arms. Will they never get toned!
142. Weddings. Most days I don't want to BASK in someone else's happiness
141. Bridal Showers (you knew that was coming)
140. The lack of windows in my office. I have NONE. It's like working in a timeless, seasonless vault of unhappiness.
139. Eyebrow hairs. I have been ripping you out for 11 years, don't you get it? I don't want you there!!
138. Tea. It never tastes as good as it smells.
137. Living in Acton. It is so GOD DAMNED far from EVERYTHING!
136. Traffic.
135. Bad Drivers... the ones that don't signal, hover over the break and NEVER drive the speed limit.
134. This unreachable itch in the centre of my back.
133. Cake. **See 145 for explanation.
132. Stupid people. If you don't know tell me and I will help you! Trying and failing only leaves me to clean up your mess.
131. Know-it-all clients. No you're right... I have worked in this industry for 10 years because I DON'T know what I am doing.
130. Planning. What happen to Spontaneity?
129. Money and my LACK of it.
128. Jealousy. My jealously of EVERYONE around me getting what I want.
127. Fish. What is your purpose? You taste foul and smell even worse.
126. The distance between me and my family.
125. Being patient. Why the hell can't I have what I want RIGHT NOW?
124. Brussels Sprouts.
123. Beets
122. Someone else cooking for me.
121. Dependency of others. DO IT YOURSELF!
120. Tofu.
119. Salt. The movie NOT the mineral.
118. My longing for adventure. Why can't I just be happy with my life?
117. When your metal fork scratches on your plate, your teeth or anything else that is metal.
116. Not having my OWN home.
115. Missing my Nana. I miss her EVERYDAY.
114. Old Mill Cadillac.
113. When people question my intelligence.
112. The unrealistic physical expectations forced on women.
111. Overly happy people. Who is REALLY that happy about life?
110. Whiners.
109. Shorts. I have never worn a pair of shorts that DIDN'T ride up.
108. When you're right.
107. When I am wrong.
106. Mornings.
105. Not being on vacation.
104. The unknown. Tell me where you are. I worry.
103. Having to PEE sitting down.
102. Pills.
101. The cost of above pills.
100. Lazy people.
99. Being unable to perform, sing or dance. I wish I had a talent.
98. Skinny people. Do you they know how lucky they are?
97. People who spit when they talk.
96. Close talkers.
95. Close talkers that spit.
94. Lack of respect in today's youth.
93. The inability to make people change.
92. I hate that I miss you.
91. I hate that I need you.
90. the control you have over my personal emotions.
89. Being fat!
88. Not being skinny.
87. Having to WORK so HARD to have less than everyone around me.
86. Dentists.
85. Construction.
84. Centipedes. Ear wigs and Silver Fish... they are all in the same category of GROSS.
83. Regrets.
82. Goodbyes.
81. Dogs. I think I hate dogs.
80. Being controlled.
79. Being offered advice from someone who can't get their own life in order.
78. Watching people make mistakes.
77. Sports on TV
76. The Olympics.
75. Politics.
74. Cumin.
73. Bad Grammar... ironic, I know.
72. Not knowing everything.
71. Feeling inferior.
70. Watered down beverages.
69. Gin.
68. My teeth. They're bad... oddly straight and very white, but VERY brittle.
67. Having NO fashion sense.
66. Smug people.
65. Panty Hoes.
64. wanting to be someone else.
63. never being good enough for you.
62. not travelling.
61. sitting still.
60. waking up.
59. The VERY short life span of CELL phones.
58. when no one takes me seriously.
57. Questions. Stop asking me Questions!!
56. Not being able to figure out my daily readers on this BLOG!
55. Not being funny.
54. Time. It crawls when I want it to run and sprints when I want it to slow.
53. My addiction to Facebook
52. Space Balls.
51. Lost. Thank goodness it is OVER.
50. Living away from my friends.
49. Not knowing if I will ever see you again.
48. feeling under appreciated.
47. being self conscious.
46. my NAKED ring finger!
45. Playing cards.
44. Steal my Sunshine by Len.
43. Waiting for mail.
42. fattening RED VELVET cake.
41. The cost of concert tickets.
40. Clutter.
39. Complicated Math.
38. Billboards.
37. My lack of ME time.
36. the feeling of disappointing those around me.
35. Gas. Having it, paying for it, pumping it, needing it.
34. Cold rain.
33. Humidity.
32. Doing the dishes.
31. When friends move away.
30. The fact the 'mycrazymotherinlaw.blogspot.com' is taken.
29. Non-sentimental gifts.
28. Buying gifts... not because I am cheap, but because I NEVER know what to get.
27. My inability to trust everyone.
26. Naive people.
25. Paying for parking.
24. Wanting to run away.
23. keeping secrets from you.
22. being unable to trust that you love me.
21. Running out of time to finish this BLOG.
20. Not being the coolest person I know.
19. Milk.
18. Poison Ivy.
17. Camping. I really hate it.
16. Being PALE.
15. Mushrooms.
14. Pasta and anything in a RED sauce.
13. Oily hand cream.
12. Germs... yours, mine and everyone's.
11. Cheap Lip balm.

Let's finishing up with 10 things I love... writing a list is VERY therapeutic and I feel good now. So, on to the 'I love's...

10. Lazy Sunday's in bed.
9. Fresh Bread... the smell, the taste... toasted or plain.
8. Solstice. My favorite Niece!
7. Shooting stars and the magic in them.
6. Being able to see beauty in ordinary things.
5. Making my friends laugh.
4. Writing.
3. Getting mail (emails and snail mail).
2. Working up a GOOD sweat.
1. Richard. I love him more than anything and I love him in a way I never thought possible.

That's it for today... my second last BOOT CAMP is tonight. Let's hope its a doozy!

Love!

Pounds to loose: 19(-5) - Body Fat Percentage Decline: 0.3% - Inches Lost: 4

When nothing is happening I have NO motivation to continue...

... its all in the title.

I weigh more today then this time last week. WTF?? I am busting my ASS and not getting anywhere! ARGH! Boot Camp is almost over and I am NOT going to hit my goal. Damnit! I can't win!

Sorry... just angry today. Boot Camp was NOT as amazing as I thought it would be. Before I even worked up a sweat it was over.

I have a dinner tonight... I don't want too, not because I don't enjoy a FREE dinner and a swank restaurant, but because I don't want to eat, drink and be merry -- and my 'merry' I mean FAT!

I am supposed to do something today, but my legs (and chest) is SO sore I shouldn't run and spinning is terrible today.

And I think I am going to be sick... Ew!

No LOVE!