Tabata-da!

Because it is pure effing magic that I survived that class. This is me 48 minutes AFTER the class.

Do you see the RED face? Or the sweaty curls? I stopped working-out (and all basic movement... typing is exhausting) 48 minutes ago and this is my face!

In the locker room there is a group of ladies I am 'friends' with. I don't know their names, but we seem to attend a lot of the same classes. The lady with the red curls recommended Thursday's Tabata with a laugh. She said it wasn't quite Assata's Step Class, but it was tough.

I thought 'Ok, let's see.'

HOLY. MOTHER. OF ALL THINGS. PINEAPPLE. CHEESE. SAUCE.

This is the most intense class/thing I have ever done and this girl rolled around in the mudd on a cold August day.

If you aren't familiar with Tabata, just head over to the Google and type in 'What is Tabata?' And remember what ever you find, this class was 10x worse (or better?)

Susana teaches this class and she is a tank. She is as fit as a person gets and so full of energy, she was just bouncing around the class while we all died.

She actually started the class with when you feel light-headed or like you're going to be sick, because you will, just keep moving. I smirked at this thinking, 'Come on'. 

I stopped twice because I thought I might revisit my lunch, but Susana didn't. 

Even in the cool down (the 10-seconds of 'rest' between sets) she kept bouncing along. I wish I could remember all the insanity, but my head is also exhausted. I don't even know if this is coherent. I did being up Pineapple Cheese Sauce. 

For the first time I don't know if I can keep up with this class. I don't know if I will go again, which insane, because I love intense class. The more intense, the more sweat... the more I love it, but this was too much. 

Sitting is evening hurting my poor tired muscles. 

How am I going to pick up Thomas tonight?!?

Ok.

I have to go... hopefully tomorrow I can come up with a better description of this class, because Pineapple Cheese Sauce, which is sounding better and better every time I say it.

xo

How do you sit?

... not the step by step to sitting, (could you imagine? Step One: Locate proposed seating vessel. Step Two: Determine if vessel is currently in use. Step Three: Bend knees, extend rear-end and lower. Step Four: Adjust pants, shirt and seating vessel. Step Five: You are sitting.), but what position do you sit in?

I can't find a good one.

Weird, right?

I don't have a natural seated position. I don't have a simple go to that is relaxing, comfortable and done without much thinking (I literally over think everything, apparently).

My posture has always been an issue within myself. I hate that I slouch and I fear one day my back will curve, because of all my years of slouching and a flat back is sexy. Shoulders back, long neck... it's slimming, even if it is only an optical illusion.

So, how do you sit?

I spend all day trying to get comfy, because I am at a screen for 7 hours. I can't simple lean back, because I can't reach my key board, I can't slouch, because my muscles ache. I can't sit up right, because that is exhausting and I think I spend WAY TOO MUCH time thinking about sitting.

I have asked for a standing desk, but who knows how long that would last. I have looked into a stability ball for core work and better posture, but they haven't worked into my budget.

AND I can't tell if my muscles ache because of my poor posture or because I got my ass handed to be in yesterday's boot camp.

How do you sit?

And is it my boobs? Are they yanking on my shoulders, forcing them to droop with pulls my back into an arc?

So... let's sit up.

Everyone straighten your back, roll your shoulders back and place both feet flat on the floor and see how long you can hold it. I have fidgeted dozens of time, during the compilation of that idea and I am still not comfortable or relaxed.

Hmpf!

The progression of thoughts during Spin Class.

Look I am doing it. I'll work off that donut in no time. I'll just turn up the tension. Are we going to start? I'm using all my 'good' energy waiting for the teacher. This isn't so bad. Wow, my bum hurts. Not even my muscles, but I think I bruised my inner bum. Maybe if I sit back on the seat. That's not so bad. Did my knee just pop? Oh, that doesn't feel good. Knees in. That's OK, I guess. Oh here we go. Are my feet in the right place? Gah, my bike is whistling. I love this song 'the ceiling can't hold us', the ceiling can't hold ME. I am queen of the spin. Whewf, glad I didn't wear shorts. Go. Go. Go. I can go faster. What is that smell? Fast flat. I am going so fast -- oh. How is she going that fast? She didn't turn up her tension. My boob is sweating, that's a good sign. What IS that smell? Sprint? I thought we were sprinting. Come on! It burns. When is the fan going to turn to me? Geez, my instructor moans a lot. Should I throw her a 'woo!'? Are we still sprinting? Turn it up, half turn, Ha, I will turn it up FULL turn. Nope. Half turn is good. This is ok. I can -- turn it up? Again? I think a quarter is fine. What is that smell? I wonder what song this is? Down, down, down. Find the beat. Bum Bum Bum. I'm on it. I look like a pro. No one can tell my legs are burning. Put your phone down. You're not even sweating. How are you going so fast? I think I smell. Cheater. Another sprint? Where is that fan? Oh, she is calling someone out! Wait -- is she talking about me? How is my form? I DID turn it up, Kerry! Stop, judging me. Am I not on beat? Another hill? Can I stand up? So. Much. Weight. I wonder if I could lead a class. I would have a killer play list. Wait - what? Sit? I just got up? I can't turn it up anymore. I am all out of 'turn up'. Tell some of these slackers to turn it up. Hmpf. She's moaning again. Knees in. Weight off my wrists. Back flat. Oh no, I smell. Can't breath deeper. I can't 'find my breath', I left it back on that last sprint. My lungs burn. Am I getting sick? Is it cold in here? Where is that fan? Oh, last song.  I can't believe we're slowing down. Woo. That was easy. Can anyone tell I am dying? My legs are wobbly? Hold the stretch. Let the dizziness fade, I worked SO hard. I could teach this class. Note: Bring deodorant to next class. Mmm... I need a donut. I've earned it.

My Oma died.

Yesterday afternoon my Oma passed away. She was in her 90s and suffering from dementia, she hadn't had quality of life in years. I hope she is in a better place.

I am sad.

I am confused.

I am angry.

I am sad, because a life ended. I am sad because my grandmother is no longer existing. Gone are the opportunities to get to know her, introduce her to my son, send her cards or be a good granddaughter. Family drama had prevented my participation in her life. I missed her everyday, but couldn't get to her. Adding dementia into the mix, meant that even if I did find my way to her she wouldn't know who I was, which would be heart breaking to both of us.

I am confused, because I can't find the words to describe her. I don't know where she went, whom she was excited to see again. I don't know if she is in a better place or just a different place. When my Nana passed away, it was devastating, because she was/is my mentor, but she found peace and probably ran FULL TILT into my Grandpa's waiting arms. She had spent 30+ years waiting to see him again. I know to this day that she is up there dancing with Grandpa, happy. I don't know where my Oma found herself. Did she find her way back to Opa? Or to a past love? What is she doing now and is it bringing her immense joy? I hope so. And as I have faith that my Nana is watching over me and guiding me, will my Oma watch over me as well? Even though it had been years since we spoke. Will she get lost in fond memories of her sweet Granddaughter or was I lost in the confusion of battling relatives? How should I remember her? How will she remember me?

I am angry, because my relationship with her was hindered by the pointless feuds of her children. The battles of money and possessions out weighed their need for family. I am angry that I didn't go against my father wishes and maintain a relationship with MY Grandmother.

But mostly I am sad.

I write this post as a dedication to my Oma, a strong woman that deserves so much more than a measly blog post.

I'm sorry Oma.

My thoughts about Week One.

I finished my first week... 3 workouts one week. Done! I'm not about quitting but reevaluating my plan was my best decision. I didn't realize how stressed and depressed my previous attempts were. I would argue to myself every night about working out versus quality time with my husband and son, or sleep. I felt continually exhausted and fat. I was still working out 4-5 days a week, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't 6 days. I was losing quality for quantity.

It's funny. I feel better, slimmer and lighter. I'm positive and happy with myself... Weird.

Working out is about the balance and as much as I would love to bring fitness into my everyday via a workout, I will find more success this way.

Besides a happy Melanie treats herself less, craves less and genuinely eats better.

So I'm on the right path. I just had to find it.

Xo

Ps. I need to write about today's class and my instructors 'climax'. Stay tuned.

I've SPUN.

I'm done.

I love the freaking GYM! I forgot the energy of working in a class, the thrill of loud music and instruction. The competition to be better than your neighbour. I have my endorphin high, I don't think I could stand right now if I tried, honestly I don't know how I made it back to my desk after an hour of spinning, but I am already looking forward to Thursday's class.

Gah!

And you can go home again. I walked into my old gym and was greeted with smiling faces, requests for baby pictures and the feeling of home. The change rooms are a different colour and there are 5x the televisions, but its the same old gym.

I'm so glad to be back and the satisfaction of not having to work out tonight is the best part. I'm done. I can put Thomas to bed and climb in beside him.

No pictures... I wish I had brought my camera.

xo

Sometimes quitting isn't failure.

.... sometimes it is, but I am hoping this isn't one of those times.

I took on the 90 day challenge for the third time in the hopes of losing the last 15 pounds. I thought I could handle a 30-minute workout at the end of each day.

I was wrong.

I'm quitting, because I am listening to my bodies request for rest (check out my 'Day in the Life' Page for reference... that tab up there -- little higher. Yup, that one. Just click it (or wait until you're done reading this epiphany) and you'll see my typical day, please try to stifle the yawn).

Sorry internet. I quit.

The positive news is... I am reevaluating my fitness goals and joining a gym.

So smile fair-internet, all is NOT lost.

I may not have the energy at 8 pm, but I can make the time during the day to venture away from my desk for a fitness break. I am in the office 8 hours, paid for 7... which means I should have 60 minutes mid day to do something good for me.

I printed out and completed the registration form for the in-office gym and in about 47 minutes I am going to go hand it in, get my scan card and officially be a gym member.

I am changing my fitness goals, I will...

-Always take stairs.
-Get to the Gym 3 days a week (minimum).
-Get outside with Thomas, for a walk or something at least once a week

As for my overall Health Goals, I have emailed a Naturopath in my neighborhood and I am hoping to sit down with them in 2 weeks, I think a detox is in order. My diet is out of my control, I just can't seem to get a handle on it and I need help.

Whewf!

That's big talk for a Monday, but hopefully it's the start of something bigger.

xo

UPDATE: I joined the gym and am booked for a SPIN CLASS tomorrow at 12p.