Loosing steam...

Run: 20mins (2.73km)
Nike Weights: 20mins
Calories: 563

Have you ever had someone tell you you're giving up? You're making excuses? I can't handle being a failure... I feel lost and frustrated and my biggest supporter just called me out. I confessed that I want to give up. That I wasn't going to go to the gym today. I am not getting anywhere anyways... so what is the point?

Follow the blog I go to the gym 6 - 8 times a week. I am not making excuses. I think I have EVERY right to be upset about remaining the same weight for over a month.

He says I need to try harder, but gives me a hard time about coming home late every night. I feel like I can't win this battle... I feel like my old ways were the most effective. I am older and smarter than to go down that route again, but really its all that ever worked. I have tried every angle... from starving to eating, the right foods, the wrong foods... adding protein, not adding protein... taking vitamins and not. I have tried getting up early to make breakfast. I have tried breakfast on the run. I have tried calorie counting and carb cutting... I have talked to a naturopath and a nutritionist. I have tried it ALL and nothing works. I thought for sure over loading at the gym and counting calories would make the weight just MELT off of me, but no such luck.

I don't even want to try anymore.

The rest of my life is falling apart and I think that has a lot to do with it. I find comfort in food. I have no control over my life right now... I feel alone and stressed... bored and smothered. I can't even do anything about it... every time I try I am told to be patient. And if you know me AT ALL patience is NOT something I have.

I tried to reach out for help, but (as always) was denied. I thought maybe if me and my partner work out together I will feel more motivated AND we get to spend time together (a complaint for earlier in the blog). He agreed, even seemed excited about it and today he backed out... because, of course I forgot, if it isn't his hobby we CAN'T do it together. The best part... I can write this because HE DOESN'T READ MY BLOG!

Sorry... I am sure I will feel better in the morning. I just have a bad case of the 'Wednesdays'. Pushed and pulled in directions I don't want... dragged around until I am too tired to move.

That's it.

No love!