The Good and the Bad

Let's start with the bad, because that is how I roll (which I will contradict later in this blog... lol). I thought I was doing SO well on this weight loss venture... I mean I am over 45 pounds down (I say 'over 45' because it changes daily). but this morning pictures were posted from the weekend and I look disgusting. *sad face* I hate that... granted my friends have all been blessed with perfect little bodies, but I thought I was getting closer to fitting in... nope. I am still just the fat friend standing on the outside. Its so upsetting... although, it does re-motivate me with a direct STAB at my self esteem.

So that is the bad... fine, I will get over it. I will work harder and I will get there, but today in pictures it sucks.

The good... the oddly good. First, I went on a boat cruise yesterday with work... yes, I have an amazing job... I am not great on boats and was scared of the temptation, but it worked out really well. I hung out on the top deck... one might even call it the Lido deck of this tiny venture. I got some sun and caught up with friends... when I did venture into the haul (I think that's the downstairs in boat language) I was excited to partake in a Tarot card reading. I am skeptic, but a believer... odd I know, but I do believe in energys and fate... I just don't know if the people I talk to can see it. This woman 'Christina' I think, was good... she asked my name and told me to think of a question. She then dealt cards and said... ok, this will be easier in conversation format...

'Wow' Christina said as she scanned the fresh laid cards.

'Good 'wow' or bad 'wow'' Melanie quickly inquired.

'Amazing,'

'Good' Melanie felt relieved, unprepared for bad news.

'You have a lot going on.' She didn't look up from the cards.

'I do.'

'It's all good.'

'I think so.' Melanie beamed.

'You never stop, or sit still... you're always pushing forward trying to do more.' She stopped and looked at Melanie looked for confirmation or disgust. Melanie nodded. 'Don't ever stop. It will  take you far. I see great success, maybe even the best in your field.' At this point Melanie is grinning, but fails to ask 'what field?'

'Like, I might be famous?'

'You could be.'

'I'm ok with that.' Melanie joked.

' These are great cards. I see a lot of love. Are you in a relationship?' She paused and waited. Melanie brought her hand above the table and smiled as she showed her ring.

'I am engaged.'

'Oh perfect, because he is it for you. I see a long lasting, loving relationship.'

'He is.'

'But you've been in some abusive relationships.' Melanie nodded.'And your childhood wasn't an easy one.'

'No, it wasn't'

'I'm sorry for bringing that up.'

'It's ok. I have moved past it, dealt with it.'

'That's the type of thing I was talking about above... you always move forward. Never stop.'

'I won't'

'And continue to be a good person. You have a huge heart... and always try to help people. Karma will pay you back, just stick with it.'

'Hmm... good to know.'

'Now Melanie, what was your question for me?'

'Any questions, right?' Melanie felt silly.

'Yes, any questions.'

'How many kids will I have?'

'Hmm... I will need to see your palms for that.' Melanie places her hands palm up on the table and Christina starts thumbing through them.

'Two,' she pauses 'three. I see three'

'Good, that's what we agreed on... I want 5, he wants 2... so we agreed on 3'

Reading over... it was interesting. I love that Richard is the one for me. I love that I found him and I can relax and know its going to last a lifetime, not that i needed a stranger to confirm that, but its always nice. I also found it interesting the kid thing... I have been to psychic before and she said something similar. She said 2 kids, but I see 3. She had explained it as maybe I would be with a man that already had one child, but Richard doesn't... as far as we know... so maybe it means Solstice will come live with me or something... who knows. Things will happen as they will regardless of what I know about the future, I want to relax and enjoy the ride. Although the success things has got me a little stressed out... success at what?? Do I go back to school (like I was planning)?? And then what for? Do I keep writing?? I don't know... I feel a lot of pressure.

Oh well... there is your good news, bad news of the day. I am on detox day 3 and doing great... I am down 6 pounds and feeling good. I didn't break detox yesterday although I really wanted too.

I am off to the weights class today.

Love!

PS - People in my office are noticing the 'Member of the Month' at the gym. I blush every time, but it feels good.