It's the last day of the year.

What am I doing? Blogging from my iPhone (surreal)... Eating a big healthy breakfast and going back to bed with a good book, because that is exactly how I want to end the year. I feel like it is my last moment of peace, because 2012 is going to be chaotic.

In fact, we're headed to Geraldo's tonight for a 'mock wedding' New Years Eve bash... Open bar, 5-course meal, live band and dancing. Let's hope its awesome or I am going to doubt the wedding.

Whewf! So much to discuss, but my thumbs can't move fast enough.

So HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Love!

Follow Up

I hate the dreaded follow up. I hate the unknown. Everyone always says 'No News is Good News', but what happens when the phone rings and the secretary says 'He needs to see you'; even worse 'He needs to see you as soon as possible'. It makes my heart flutter.

Today I got a call from my Doctors office, the call to say your test results are in and he needs to see you as soon as possible. Now its the waiting game, because my Doctor is out of the office until January 3rd.

I think I shared every gory detail of my testing. I had 2 blood tests, an ultrasound of my throat and a breathing test. The results to discuss are in regards to my ultrasound and the lump in my throat, which was a goiter last time, but could be anything from my hypothyroidism acting up to thyroid cancer. Its got my mind racing, but I am trying not to google anything.

Just wanted to share my anxiety... its actually keeping me up at night. I sometimes feel like I am maxed out, over whelmed and ready to throw in the towel. I don't know how to go back to being carefree. I don't know how to explain my panic attacks to Richard, who wants to understand, but cracks a joke to quickly. I have this wedding hanging over my head, my Dad's fading health, the family drama; that hides around every corner (--and every big event), my own health and the stress of trying to pay for it all. I am lucky to have a partner, but I feel alone a lot of the time.

Honestly, since this blog went to a vulnerable place, I miss my oldest friend. The one that knew me better than anyone, the one that would sit up all night and sip wine, while we worked out our lives, the one that kept me grounded and young at heart. The one that could sense when I was overwhelmed and would take some of the burden as much for me as I would for her. It breaks my heart that something so small tore us apart... and that planning this wedding reminds me of her everyday, but I can't talk to her. I can't fall back into the comfortable relationship that doesn't exist anymore. People grow up and grow apart... I just wish she saw how hurt I am. I wish she would stop being selfish and stand up with me, because I need her.

Woah... sorry about that. Just feeling a little emotional. I miss being me... I missed living in the moment and enjoying the now. I miss being selfish and happy. I miss enjoying every moment... I am so wrapped up in the future and all that is to be, that I keep forgetting to enjoy every second. I want so badly to make those around me happy that I often forget about myself. I am feeling stuck in a rut, which I am sure will pass... just having a down day. Let's hope all these emotions stay in 2011... and 2012 is filled with excitement and every form of good anticipation.

Love?

Christmas is OVER!

Christmas is over and I am kind of excited about that.. only a few more days until the New Year. And in that New Year I can say 'I'm getting married THIS year' and in a few short months I will be married.

I am also excited for the routine and the prep. I am excited to hit the gym, detox and prepare for the big day and the rest of my life.

We covered my resolutions and those still stand, but the BIG one (like years past) is to lose 25 pounds by June 30th. I think I can handle it. I am ready to do the work and I have all the tools. I am going celebrate for the next 4 days and then its boot camp! Wish me luck and check in often for updates.

Love!

Merry Christmas FAIL!

Its Christmas Eve and in the effort to start new Christmas traditions Richard and I are spending the day, baking, watching Christmas movies and eating. We decided the 24th will be our day to do nothing and not get caught up in the holiday crazies... which is mostly brought on by our very loving families.

So I started last night with buns... Richards favorite. They have to rise over night so I started the batch yesterday before heading to the movies (Girl with the Dragon Tattoo was awesome... 4 stars). I did half batch with the intention of bringing a dozen to Acton for the big family dinner, to happen tomorrow. When we got home I punched them down (the dough NOT the family... ha!) and this morning I made them into buns. After 4 hours I popped them in the oven.

**If you've never made bread before you have to let it rise and then 'punch' it down... the more time you do this the fluffier the buns (or bread) will be.

After 20 minutes I pulled Norma's buns (my Nana's mothers recipe) out of the oven and looking on with disappointment.

They didn't rise.



They didn't brown.

I tore one open and ew.



What a let down.

In the mean time we pulled out our Gingerbread house package, that claims to have everything you need.



We lined up all the pieces and as we started to construct we noticed no back wall. We trucked along anyways, but things quickly started to fall apart.



And sink.



We re-constructed and turned our house into a tent-ish thing. After the walls collapsed we had fun with the remaining icing. I am not proud of it, but it was fun to make and I bet it will TASTE awesome.









Today we had also planned to make Sugar Cookies, Chocolate Chip cookies and Oreo Cheesecake, but two fails and we pulled back our thoughts...

Refusing to admit defeat I started the bread all over again... should be ready to go for tomorrow morning. Which mean fresh bread for breakfast... if all goes well it will be a Christmas miracle.





In light of my failures I am loving today. I am in the Christmas spirit and that is a first. I am looking forward to tomorrow and our first Christmas as a family. So in light of my mood... a Christmas present to you (and a family tradition of mine).

This is me watching Muppets while baking (or re-baking)

 We watch a Muppet Family Christmas every year, watch out for the icy patch!

 After a short nap (4 hours long Mmm...) the  bread seems to be doing well.

This is the first PUNCH down. POW!

 Ok... I am off to do some more Christmasy stuff.

Love!

Christmas!

I feel like this is going to be very anti-climatic post. Its 2 days till Christmas and I am done with work (and the gym, unless tomorrow turns into a running day... let's not hold our breath). I wanted to write something amazing about eating healthy, staying fit and being merry, but I am out of ideas... honestly I am feeling fat and gross... thanks holiday chocolate.

So here is your advent... possibly the last one, unless something amazing happens tomorrow!
I wish to all of you a VERY Merry Christmas! I will be back before New Years... it will be resolution time... yay *eye roll*

Love!

This is Santa's toy sack... Sorry I am on the home computer and as you recall... it sucks!

Thoughts.

I am going to ramble for a minute... you've been warned.

My proper post will come later, AFTER my final gym session of the year... which is hopefully a Step Class, but my lack of attendance has left me wondering about the schedule down there. I brought my book just in case it turns into another day on the elliptical.

On to the ramble... Cleanse.

I am all for these 'cleanse' trends. I do believe the body gathers toxins throughout the year, especially a certain person that has let her diet slip in lieu of the festivities. I do believe we need to help our digestive systems and colons with the overload of work, but sometimes I feel like it is a nasty fad, that does nothing but harm. The reason I am considering the Master Cleanse is a friend (uncle) of mine, whom I trust did it. He isn't one to get caught up in trends, he is in great shape and VERY healthy. He does this cleanse once a year for 10days to restart his system and clear everything out.

Now I am wondering... is it worth it? I typically base my opinion on fad duration... if something is only around for a few months, than it doesn't work... if it did, the business would boom and the product would be available for years to come. I don't typically jump on board right away, let some other schmuck test the waters.

Prime example: (and I don't know how these became my examples, but in my head I revert back to these).

Successful product: ProActive. I have never used it, nor do I know anyone, personally, that has used it YET I believe it works and will be ordering it in the new year. Why? Because it has been around for years.

Failure product: Abtronic. I have also never used this, but after 6months the product and company faded to the background, because you simply can't SHOCK your admoninal muscles into working... no matter how perfect the models in the commercial look. Even if you use it more than the recommended 10 minutes 3 times a week... ha!

This brings me back to the cleanse... I have been hearing about it for years. It doesn't cost anything, so there is no money in promoting it yet people do. So does it work? Will it help clear me out and get me ready for the intense wedding prep that includes... detoxing and personal training? Not sure. But I am going to try it out... for 10 days in January. I promise to blog about it, in fact you can't stop me from sharing the gory details... ha!

Daily ramble over... what do you think? The part I am most grossed out by is the Salt Water Cleanse that most sites insist you do. Ew.

I don't want to endorse any site/treatment... so for details google 'Master Cleanse'.

Love!

Hmpf.

I went to the gym. I ran on the elliptical for 32minutes. I burned 424 calories and I came back. I didn't want to go, but I did. I don't get a gold star, but I get something... maybe a purple star, because I love stars, but hate purple so my half hearted effort warrants a star in an ugly colour.

Love!

Its....

... BEFORE and AFTER TIME! Weeeeeeeeee!

These are all exactly one year apart.

Blood Type

Let's get interesting... I finally got my donor card in the mail with my blood type on it. I am an exact match to my Dad so even though he doesn't need blood right now, if he ever does I am ready to help.

What blood type am I? AB+. This is the second rarest blood type in the world, with only 2-5% of us having it. It makes me feel very special and I am thrilled that I am the same as Dad. It feels like a little club just for us. I like to be unique and it explains a lot.

"Blood Type AB - Tend to be very charming and popular. They don't sweat the small stuff and can be seen as spiritual and even at times a bit "flaky". Only about 2 - 5% of the population are blood type AB. There is never a dull moment in a AB's life, so if you find one for a friend, consider yourself lucky! You'll enjoy some exciting times together!
Like blood type A's, AB's react to stress poorly. They are stronger and more active than type A's, but need to pay attention to stress levels so that they don't compromise their immunity.
Sometimes it is difficult to be an AB. AB's don't like to fit in anyone else's "boxes". If they feel too confined, they'll break out of that box and do things their own way. When it comes to food choices and AB must discover when they are more B-like or A-like. For example, dairy foods like milk kefir can be excellent for them or not good at all." Sourced

I think I need to do more reading, but I love learning more about me. I have always been amazed by how my body works... and apparently your blood type is the determining factor in a lot of things. In fact, in Japan 90+ percent of people know there blood type and it isn't uncommon to be asked your blood type in an interview or dating scenario.

Richard is A+ I haven't figured out what that means to us, but both of us being '+' means our children will also be positive AND won't have any issues living in my womb. A negative child and a positive mother can clash and cause birthing issues.

That's it... just a quick post to share my new found knowledge. I am going to keep reading, but if you're interested in percentages check out below.

Love!

Blood Type and RH	% of Population
O Positive	38%
O Negative	7%
A Positive	34%
A Negative	6%
B Positive	9%
B Negative	2%
AB Positive	3%
AB Negative	1%

What I plan to do (and not do) in 2012.

This is my list of resolution-ish stuff.

I plan to... 

-Get married!

-Run 3 times a week

-Detox (for at least 6weeks)

-Make a baby *fingers crossed*

-Lose 15lbs

-Spend more time with my Dad

-Eat Healthy

-Go to Hot Yoga weekly

-Mend broken relationships

-Start drinking protein shakes every morning (and getting Richard to do this as well)

-Clear out ALL the junk from my cupboards

-Do the walk for the cure

-Paint my living room

-Finish my backyard

-Get my dental implant

-Cook 6 dinners a week (every week)

I plan not to...

-Eat ANY fast food

-Go on Facebook for the entire month of February.

-Fight with family (in-laws included)
-Eat chocolate for the month of January
-Make excuses
-Be fat at my wedding
-Bite my nails
-Gossip
-Include hurtful people in my life.




I am going to attempt to make this a permanent list on my blog to remind me EVERYday of the goals I want to accomplish. I want 2012 to be a year full of success and happiness. I want to give up all the nasty habits I hate about myself. I want to find that inner peace my yogi talks about and I want to fill my life with love and understanding. I know that sounds very 'granola' but its honest. I will keep the list on my blog and update everything I do (and don't do) this year. Hopefully my list for 2013 will have a completely different range of goals, I hate having the same goal every year unless it is achieved... 2010 lose 25 pounds (done!) 2011 lose 25 pounds (done!), those goals I don't mind. 


So there it is... I am hating myself right now and will up until January 1st. I always throw the rules out the window over the holidays, granted this year I kept up with everything right up until this week, which shows I am maturing (go me). I feel bloated and uncomfortable. I skipped my run yesterday and had candy for breakfast... yum and ew.


Alright... no gym again today, but if the weather holds I might go to for a run, to dinner with Dave and Cassy. Plans change. Oops. 


Love!

To Emily.

It's early Monday morning and my ears are still ringing from the weekend. What I do remember, in my drunken haze, is getting to see my very favorite pregnant friend, (who is completely glowing and adorable). I am sure I bombarded her with silly questions about what its like to be pregnant... as anyone reading this blog knows I am dying to be. I love the idea of babies and I love the idea of pregnancy (yes, I see it through rose coloured glasses, but I want 4 kids so I have to optimistic about it). To the point... Emily told me she reads my blog (Hi!) and I squealed like a little kid asking what she liked most, only later remember all the intimate details I post on these walls... *blush*

She passed along her love of blogs and I went into a ramble about all the other blogs she should check out, which brings me to this post... a post of all my favorite blogs. The ones that keep me busy on a slow afternoon, the ones that make me laugh, contemplate life and feel a little more normal.

So as an early Christmas present here is my life of fun for you...

Post Secrets... its a collection of anonymous postcards that have made it on to the Internet. It has become a movement of epic portions and every Sunday they post new ones. It makes me feel less strange and every time I read it I wonder what my big secret is.

Cake Wrecks... it is just what it sounds like, but the commentary is brilliant. When Richard asked if I was nervous about our wedding cake I said 'No, it will turn out awesome or I will get to be on CakeWrecks.'

Epbot... by the same author of Cake Wrecks and still hilarious. Its all about random geekery and crafts. I love it.

Sleep Talkin' Man... this is a fairly new blog to my list, but its a snort-out-loud kind of funny and it comes in quick little posts, so anytime is the right time. The blog is written by the wife of a British man who talks in his sleep. She posts the audio and typically an explanation, which is equally as funny as the sleepy ramblings.

Animals Being Dicks... its very little writing, but has some of the funniest jif's you'll ever see. Scroll through and look for the one with the bear cub and the lion cub (ha!)

The Bloggess... She is awesome. If you follow no other links please follow this one. The blog is written by a slightly off mother of one. She is into taxidermy and does weird things in everyday life that come across as normal when she blogs about them. On a particularly slow day I read 22 pages of her blog without once feeling bored or sad.

Alpha Mom... This is a guilty pleasure, because I swear I AM NOT PREGNANT, but again I spent hours reading this blog and I didn't even make it out of the pregnancy calendar.

Oilcan Racer... Another random blog full of weirdness. I haven't read it in a few weeks, but I found a lot of my A-list material and videos from this man.

I feel like there are more, but for today that's enough. Enjoy! I would love your feedback or any other blogs that you think I might enjoy.

Love!

Overwhelmed

I'm over whelmed with life and feeling a little panicked. I feel like I am about to disappoint people. Have you ever felt like that? The onset of these feelings is good, surprisingly. I can handle my family, my sick Dad, my crazy mother in law, my wedding, but Christmas... no. I am stressed the entire break; a lot of the standard... did I get everything? Will the kids like the presents? How much further in debt I am... but for me its always the running around. I'm tired, but I can't stop because everyone wants to get together (#firstworldproblems). Before you behead me for whining about nothing... I have a week to visit with everyone... over a dozen friends have asked for special time, which I love, but can't accommodate. Then I have my Mum and my Dad... separately. Richards parents, his Aunts and his friends... everyone also lives hours and hours away. Not to mention my awesome co-workers and distant friends who all pop up over the holidays and want to 'grab drinks'. I feel spread to thin and I feel like all i am going to do is disappoint everyone. Now add that looming sense of disappointment to a fast approaching wedding that has been nothing but a battle every step of the way, to an overwhelming boss 5 days a week, a Dad who just keeps getting sicker, a brother who can't be counted on, but leans heavily on me, my own imperfect health and keeping a house (although Richard is great at helping).

I always wanted to be popular with lots of friends and loved ones, but its all scary. Everyone in my life is so amazing and I don't want to let anyone down. I don't want to pick and choose...

Writing is my therapy. I just needed to write. I am attempting to run today in the snow, but we will see.

Love!

PS - No countdown... I don't want to think about how few days are left.Eeeeeek!!

TWO days in a ROW!

This needs to be celebrated... get me some CAKE! Wait -- no, it would be better to skip the gym and the cake... I think I am finally getting the hang of this. So to recap... no cake.

I just got back from the gym. It is Thursday and that means step class with Assata, but things were different today, very different. It was a 'holiday' team class. Confused... I was too, so I signed up to see what was going on.

4 instructors walked in... all in elf gear, hats, socks, mittens. They told us we needed weights and a mat. Each instructor will be responsible for 10minutes and 2 muscle groups, but we needed to get warmed up first... this started with a simple march and than 'Sexy and I know it' started and the choreography got naughty (dirty, but in the spirit of Christmas) there was awkward hip thrusting and weird leg movements. Everyone was laughing, but keeping step with the elves. It was funny and weird. Assata kicked things off and worked triceps and legs, my legs are still throbbing PLUS, its a Assata, so there was plenty of cardio.

Now with all the heavy lifting and intense cardio PLUS awkward pole dancing-ish shenanigans I completely zoned out for the other instructors (opps) I still did the entire class, but know their names or 'zones'. It ended with abs, as it always does and now I am back at my desk... sore and satisfied.

All my love!

Puss in hats?

Hmmm... yay!

Its gotta to be quick... I am feeling a little jittery and my co-workers keep asking if I am high, because I asking a lot of questions, missing a lot of jokes and saying random things that don't make sense... I wanted to offer you one for a chuckle, but I've got nothing rattling around in the old noggin'.

I am writing in spite of myself, because I ran today. Maybe I am high on endorphins, maybe I am finally relaxed after weeks of stress, maybe I am tired and maybe, just maybe, I am high. (I'm not high).

I love running. I love being at the gym. I never realize how much I love the gym until I miss it for a few days weeks and things start to catch up with me... my clothes don't fit, I can't sleep, I feel swollen and anxious. I need the gym. I need to feel like I am doing something beyond sitting around letting my ass grow, which although fun is not my favorite thing to do.

Ok so I ran (you probably gathered that from the above paragraph) and I ran in my new sports bra (you saw THAT coming... and if you didn't... 'are you high?'). It was great! Better than I had expected. Typically I like an adjustable sports bra, with extra support i.e. under wire, cups, straps... this one has none of those, it is, however incredibly tight and that works for me. It sandwiches my boobies into nothing and you know what nothing does... nothing! Not a jiggle, not a wiggle, not a flop. No pain, no discomfort just running. It did pull a bit on my shoulders, but it has to pull somewhere and besides the straps are thick and fuzzy so there are no war wounds and I can finally get back to running everyday. Weeeeeeee!

That's it.. home time.

Love!

That's my GOLD STAR for writing this post ;)

I bought this!

It has NO hooks or loops to break. It has NO under wire to maim. It is SUPER tight and takes away all my feminine curves, which is saying a lot about my C-cup. Let's see if she works.

Side note: Bra shopping SUCKS. Why does everything have to be SO complicated... I tried on 12 bras, before settling on this one, not because it was the best or the most flattering, but because it fit. Now we all know I am NOT a size zero and curves are a part of who I am, but who decided to make bras so ugly?? And even forget about ugly, its going underneath stuff and I am ok with ugly, but what man invented a over the head bra that ALSO needs to be done up?

Get this... it was a super tight, non-flexible material (yes, it was my 'size') and after getting it over my head and the girls secured I had to try and reach behind my back and hook it all up. No other way to do it, Richard offered to help (of course he came bra shopping with me) but I can't ask some stranger at the gym to do me up everyday.

Funnier note... this bra (the one above) is tight. Last night I got trapped in it. I couldn't pull the fabric over my head and I couldn't sneak an arm out. Hmm... why did I buy this again??

I miss the gym. I need the gym. I can't wait to get to the gym and test this out... wish me luck.

Love!

Another NO fitness day.

First go here for the GOOD and BAD news of the day... Are you all up to speed? Good, no need to repeat myself. So let's talk only about fitness... I went to the gym today, first time in a while. I had all the time in the world, as I am all caught up for the season (we're good through January 3rd). I went downstairs I signed in, I picked a locker, I unpacked my bag (happy to find ALL necessary items) and I got naked. At this naked point I realized the problem...

My expensive bra, had failed me (bras ALWAYS fail me). Not only we're TWO loops missing (not depicted in picture), but ALL THREE hooks we're no where to be found. Now even a man (not because of their lack of intelligence, but because they don't wear bras, I am generalizing here, but bare (bear?) with me) could work this out. I had no way of closing this bra and a bra left open is of NO use to this big breasted woman.

I need to go buy a bra. I hate buying bras.

I wanted to run, I promise. This is not an excuse... it would hurt more than it would help to run with no bra.

Love!

Ps... and only for your enjoyment. I work as a creative writer and asked my fellow writers for Christmas-ish things. At first they gave me a list of trees (spruce, pine, douglas fir etc.) They then opted for pop culture references including Billy-Bob Thornton (?) and Macaulay Culkin. I decided to use the Home Alone reference, but while I was searching for a picture someone asked 'Where do reindeer poop go?' This became a heated debate before we all agreed, reindeer poop dissolves into wishes... brown smelly wishes. Happy Holidays!

No Fitness today.

Not yet anyways, but I did do a little breathing exercise... which has to count today.

I met with a breathing specialist today to try and rectify the lack of height in my breath... ie. Shortness of breath (see what I did there?) It starts with a little machine and a spit collector... WAIT it started with a nose plug... **If you were unaware I HATE having my nose touched. In fact, it is the punishment Richard uses to keep me in line with an outreached pincher fingers ... check out the picture, only for you kids. Then the spit collector, to which you wrap your mouth around (I don't have a picture) and after three normal breathes you breath in as deeply as you can and than out as forcefully as you can and HOLD it. My face turned purple and I felt VERY light headed, but apparently I did well. This is to measure the capacity of your lungs. Then she shoot you with asthma meds that open your airwaves. Then you do the test again and they compare. I won't know my results until next week, but the bigger the difference between test one and test two the better.

Interesting fact: Smokers carry extra air in their lungs, so when they do the test on the exhale will ALWAYS be more air. Its this extra air that lingers in your lungs and causes all the trouble.

So my breathing exercises kept me out of the office, which means NO lunch break and NO gym. Sad Tuba

Tomorrow I will run... my first day of week 3. Yay!

Love!

Look... Canada's Got Talent, who knew?

I did it! I did it!

I am SO proud of myself... Weeeee!

I just ran (finishing up my week 2 of running a week late) and it feels good to be back at it. I am proud of myself because it is -6 and my bum is still numb. For non-runners... your hands, torso, face and arms--- even your feet don't get cold; they are sweaty and fine, its where the fat collects... the fat freezes and takes hours to thaw. Thus my bum and thighs are cold.

I want to write more, but I am pooped. I just finished scrambled eggs (my protein) and rye toast... and its time to get clean (me and the house)

I am also on the silly laptop and won't be including a picture (SORRY)

Love!

14 DAYS!!

Sandwiches.

Sandwiches. Are. Awesome.

They are even MORE awesome when someone else (not a paid employee... they do it wrong) makes it for you (I mean like Subway or Mr. Sub, not that I have employees' especially sandwich making employees, I wish.)

Richard made my lunch today (he would have to train my employees), because I made his dinner last night... they were the same thing --- sandwiches. Once and a while we will have a sandwich night... not the little-piddly sandwiches made with bread and mayo, but the-fresh-buns-cold-cuts-and-lettuce-special-shopping-trip kind of sandwiches that are our favorites.

Now the problem with Sandwiches is they end... its always sad when you get to the last bite and cry because the goodness, that is this perfect sandwich, is about to end and there is nothing you can do to prolong it, unless you save the last bite, but than the you now doesn't get to eat the sandwich and everyone loses; future you and now you.

What was in my magic sandwich you ask? I will share its beauty. It started with a fresh onion bun, I cut a slice out of the middle to help with the ratios, then I spread a thin layer of butter on each side followed by a squirt of honey mustard, first the meat lies on the bottom bun, its honey maple turkey breast and, here's a tip, always lots of meat... sometimes you get a sandwich with one slice and its such a disappointment. The layers are important, after the meat you add the cheese, today deli cut Havarti and then the crisp iceberg lettuce and another squirt of honey mustard. The top layer of mustard works more as glue that flavor contributor, but that's ok. Then you pile on the top bun and slice it down the middle. So good.

This reminds me of a dumb conversation with the food hoarder (and fat guy) in my office....

"I developed a new way to slice sandwiches." He was talking to someone other than me... we don't like each other.

"Pardon." I say with a tight smile - I really hate this guy.

"I was just telling Dave about the improvement I have made to sandwich cutting." He says reluctantly.

"And what's that?" I can't help myself.

"So you make a sandwich like normal and then when you go to slice it --- you move the knife over and make a 60/40 cut." He pauses for dramatic affect, his eyes are wide and his head is bobbing. "Then you eat the small half and when you done its like BAM 'I have all this sandwich left' because you still have the 60 side left." He leans back in his chair, crosses his arms over his big rolling belly and smiles.

I don't have a response. I turn around in my chair and start typing. No one tries to further the conversation. Now sandwiches are kind of ruined, because every time I eat one I think of the fat guy at work and it does something gross to my appetite.

I should clarify... he is not the cute, round, jolly fat man stories have told us to expect. He is sweaty, gross and condescending (which has little to do with his weight, but a lot to do with why we don't get along.) Oh and he loves the rub and tug, which has ruined massages for me; like sandwiches.

Let's pull it back... my sandwich today was awesome and I didn't even remember to be grossed out until I started writing this post, but my sandwich is safely digesting so its good.

I went to the gym. First time in a week (not included the trip down where I forgot my bra) it sucked. I don't understand how my body works... one week off and I am sore and tired. I just went on the elliptical (with my book) and still I was exhausted like I ran a marathon. I have heard that hypothyroidism affects muscle memory and muscle growth... that could be why I feel so sluggish when I skip the gym. Hmm... I will ask my doctor at my follow up, which has to be soon.

I burned 500 calories... I am ok with that. I am going to run on Sunday and start week 3 on Monday. Wish me luck.

Happy Weekend... you might hear from me, but don't count on it.

Love!

Nope.

This will NOT be fitness related. I thought I needed to clear the air on that RIGHT off the bat. Why? I haven't been to the gym yet, but YES I am going today (mental high five).

So why is this NOT a fitness blog? I want to pull back and do something different... a book, a book review. I am so in love with my current book that I want to share with the masses (or the 26 people reading this ;).

For my anniversary (or something) Richard raided my book shelf and took note about what I was missing. He found that I owned everything by my TWO favorite authors (Sophie Kinesella & Lisa Lutz), but that my Janet Evanovich collection was completely scattered and I was missing a few (I had book 10, 13 & 14). He set out to find (and is still hunting) all of the Plum series; (book 18 was just released to give you an idea). He found all of them BUT 17 (which was only in hardcover), 18 (which only just came out, 8 (I don't know) and 12.

Like my book collection I feel like this post is a little scattered... the point, and I am getting there, is I never started the series at the beginning. I first bought 10 Big Ones, while on a cruise in Europe... it had a big flashy cover (I did judge the book by the cover) and the name sounded like it might be dirty (and I like smut). I read the book cover to cover in one night and fell in love with Stephanie Plum the main character and bounty hunter. Then I searched for more books, but came up empty and moved on to other books (I have a HUGE book shelf). Whenever I stumbled across another Evanovich book I bought it on the spot and dove in to it as soon as I got home.

Where is the Book Review? I know... I am getting to it.

I started the series from the beginning in September... I am now on book 5 (High Five) and I am itching to get through it, because book 1 to 4 bumped Evanovich into my top 2 favorite authors (no need to get petty and say who she bumped out). I love crime novels, but I love funny crime novels even more (Lutz focuses on a Private Investigator, but same idea). Evanovich flawlessly writes humor in events that should seem impossible, but never do. Stephanie falls into predictable plot lines that twist and turn so much predictability can't keep up, even when you think you're following along SOMETHING is different and almost always lingering in the background. Stephanie Plum is an out of shape, clumsy brunette that has more luck than she knows what to do with, but as a reader, you fall in love and her imperfections make her endearing... she is a complex character with a crazy family and most people can relate. That's not event he best part... she has two of the sexiest men after her, sexiest because in bookland your personal opinion of sexy is exactly what the characters are. I love Joe Morelli, the bad ass turned good cop. I want Ranger, the mysterious Bounty Hunter. Stephanie, with her insecurities, dances between these two with believable ease. Although tough as nails her softer side is often exposed and as a woman you team up and root for her in every situation. Now I don't want to give the impression the book is mindless fluff... every case involves thinking, every plot keeps you guessing and I have learned more about being a 'ho then I ever knew I would.

I am recommending everyone try these books. They are fun and light, and (here's the fitness) ideal for the gym... its a great story that will distract you on the elliptical, before you know it an hour has passed 700 calories are gone and you're not tired... you want to keep going to see if Stephanie will finally give in to her carnal urges for Morelli (Mmmm... Morelli).

If you're still not sold... below is the movie trailer. Yes, Stephanie Plum is headed to the BIG screen and from what I can tell the movie follows the book to the letter (the best you can hope for).

Enjoy!

For the lack of fitness this week... we should all be impressed by the amount of blogging!

Not much to report... I did walk to work today (and subway/GO train... it would be a very long walk), so that counts as exercise, right?

We also did a lot of walking last night... you see we went in search of a dining room table, as I've said before, I am hosting my very first Christmas dinner this year and I don't have somewhere for 8 people to sit comfortably, although it will probably be 6 based on the current family (mother-in-law VS. me) which is fine by me, but still leaves us 2 seats short. Now don't think, that I think throwing money at the problem (ie.new table) is my answer to everything. We do in fact, need a new table and saw a really wicked price on one (5 piece for 399, good deal).

Our current table is, although awesome, a hand me down that is FULL of dents and scratches, the chairs are falling apart and I fear, almost daily, that I will sink through the seat into the deep abyss of nothing. So, with Boxing day flyer's in hand we headed out to find a new  table. First we went to the Brick... we looped the empty parking lot and stared at the dark building, wondering how it could possibly be closed at 5p on a Wednesday.

The open sign wasn't on and no one was moving around inside. We left. Unwilling to accept this fate I called The Brick while on the way to Leons. They answered and told me 'Yes, they were open til 9'. We whipped a 'shitty' (a U-turn) and headed back. Now if any of you have ever been to the Brick you know salesman stalk you and insist you need help even when you politely decline; tonight however, with cash in hand, NO ONE would talk to us. We went to customer service and they sent out a page for help... THREE TIMES before someone came over. The man that arrived was a timid older fellow who seemed completely terrified of interacting with us and trust me we are nice looking people (not as in good looking (although we are*blush*) but as in we look like nice people).

We told him what we were looking for and he wandering away muttering its here. We chased after him and said we couldn't find it (while we wandered again through their dining department). He said it was probably in the scratch and dent section... odd place for a flyer (and online) featured item, but fine. We zigzag through, trying to keep up with zippy.

Upon reaching the Scratch and dent section there is no table... and... better in story.

"Looks like we don't have it." He mumbled unable to make eye contact.

"But its in your flyer." Richard says, pointing to the picture.

"Yes, maybe that is just a floor model."

"And on your website." I chirp in with a smile... albeit an awkward smile.

"Oh well--"

"Can we order one?" I interrupt.

"Would you be comfortable ordering one from another store site on scene?" He trails off as he walks away from us.

Chasing after him and rolling my eyes at Richard I yell...

"Maybe, what does that mean?" He ignores me and continues at an alarming rate considering this age.

We finally give up pursuit and stand their dumb founded. We're not sure whether he is coming back or if he is in fact ordering the set for us. So we find a group of couches and sit. Just to gather our thoughts.

"What's going on?" I say. "We're getting ignored and I might as well be wearing a sign that reads 'I want to spend money on shit I don't need' and still nothing."

"I don't know, babe." He says laughing at me. "Let's get this couch too... its comfy."

"Maybe it isn't for sale. I do see it on the website." I say, scrolling through TheBrick.com on my iPhone. Before we can get a giggle out Zippy pops up.

"I don't see it on my service. Maybe it was just a one off. Sorry." And he is gone, before we can get a word out. Interesting Sales tactic... that's why Zippy works on Wednesday and not Saturday. I hope they pay him more than commission, the man is going to starve.

So I click the 'order by phone' button on theBrick.com, while sitting on a couch in the Brick getting completely ignored. And it rings... and rings... and rings. Really? When I am just browsing I am swarmed by annoying salesmen, but the day I go in to buy and no one wants to help me.

I jumped up, off the very comfy couch that I felt like buying, and walked out... almost as quick as Zippy, Richard trailed behind. All the way through the store I am still ignored and finally at the doors I turn back and mumble as loud as I can. 'I guess we'll have to furnish our living room and buy the TV at Leons'. A few reps hanging around the door look up, but no one tries to approach.

At Leons we faced the SAME thing... and left in the same fashion. I even said to Richard 'if ONE person says hello to me I will buy you a 60inch TV'. I said this in front of 3 salesmen in the TV section and still no one even looked up. We left empty handed and went home to our sinky little table and ate crackers and cheese for dinner (yes, I am that healthy).

No gym again today... the class is cancelled, but I am missing it for an afternoon holiday party.

Love!

STRESS!

You know stress is the cause of most ailments (I am going to make up a number right here) 87% of disease is brought on my unnecessary stress. In fact, I believe there is no necessary stress. People would argue (another random number) 13% of people (mostly family) argue with me (about this and everything else these days).

Case in point... Stress can bring a dormant illness, such as Hypothyroidism, to the surface (I didn't even make that up). This explains why the first 25 years of my life I was healthy (not happy, but healthy) and the last 4 years have been nothing, but one ailment after another, because the stress of my current relationship is killing me. To quickly add my fiance is amazing, he is my soulmate and the best thing that ever happen to me. I love him more than I ever thought I could love anyone and despite my health I have never been happier. The stress is NOT directly brought on by him... he is in fact an only child (see where I am going with this). He has very loving parents that insist on being a part of EVERY aspect of our lives to the point of smothering. Throw a wedding into the wood works and its a lost cause. It gives me a headache just thinking of the next thing that we aren't 'following tradition' on.

And I won't drag him down so I often take the brunt as their perfect son never behaved like this before... this is mainly because he never had a reason to.

It is so completely selfish... all of this paired with my Dad's deteriorating health, my health misfortunes, the wedding, the holidays and the on going struggle with my former best friend; I am out of patience for it all and find myself stressed (and eating) most of the time.

ARGH!

Phewf... that went somewhere on its own... Oops.

On the fitness front, because I always try to take it back to that... I tried to get down to the gym for a run today. I needed the stress relieve and I got down there (after a long personal pep talk) and half naked I realized I did not bring clothes with me... duh. So I got dressed up again and came back upstairs to write this blog.

Love!

Woot!

Maybe that was a preemptive 'woot' I have nothing to celebrate, but I feel better today... its been a stressful week and I didn't think it would resolve so quickly, but it has and I feel 10pounds lighter.

On the fitness front it will be another day of no gym... I know you're angry and so am I. I hear what you're saying, its pathetic and weak. I know, but - and hear me out - its to go and try on my wedding dress. I have a fitting this afternoon, which has taken over my 'gym time'. I would plan to run today, but it is snowing and I have my limits... maybe I will be feeling strong this evening, but let's not hold our breath.

How did the ultrasound go? Weirdly uncomfortable and thought provoking. I had a scan of my thyroid, because I believe it is not working any more, much like when I was first diagnosed. I am more concerned now based on the technicians concern and inability to tell me anything... I think she told me to follow up on Monday 7 or 8 times... and every time she stressed the importance. Could be nothing, but doesn't feel like nothing. We'll see.

Ok... more work to do.

Wish me luck with my dress.

Love!

Mondays

I have a serious case of the Mondays (holiday Mondays are WAY worse than every other Monday that isn't in December) I really thought I wouldn't hate Christmas this year, but oh yes I do. I find it stressful and overwhelming... I have had a migraine for 4 days. So I hate myself for this, but I am not going for a run. I am not going because my head hurts, I have tons of work to do and I have Doctors appointment this afternoon... so I don't want to be all sweaty. I also have an insanely long day because of above doctors appointment and probably won't get dinner (I have sent Richard to a friends house... I sound like a Mom... not his Mom, just a Mom. For reference visit my wedding blog listed below) I just want to go home and go to sleep... the perk to stress, frustration and anger is no appetite. So I am not too worried.

As for the stress, which scares me, its wedding planning, an overbearing Mother-in-law, Christmas, Dad and work... the reason it scares me is because I never used to be this stressed about my world, but suddenly I am not allowed to make any of my own decisions and I start having a panic attack. I hate having to consult someone for everything I do, all day every day. Even scarier, if I am this stressed out now... what about when I do have kids?!??! I don't want to be one of those HIGH strung out mothers.

It all relates to fitness because I can't work out when I am stressed and I want to avoid everyone and everything so I tend to hide out in bed and get fat... yes, that is still possible while starving; at least in my world.

I also recently learned almost everything that ails me is stress related... when will it end? After the wedding? I wish... I doubt it, I will always have the mother in law issues. Argh (no 'hmpf' today while the groom and I are bickering.)

As for the doctors appointment... its to get an ultrasound of my thyroid, things aren't working right and its time to fix them, although the timing is crap.

Sorry there was no advent doodle yesterday... I can't be creative when I am angry (more so than today).

Love!

I can't type.

Look. Its been a LONG day, but I am trying to do this everyday thing... So I drew a picture (On the home computer, which is a laptop and only has a finger-pad mouse thingy and I don't like it)... Its bad. Its stupid... I am stupid... I am also on a weird, always distracted, self induced ramble... I have had to re read this question 100x and still i don't know where my point keeps venturing off too, sometimes I think it is right there, within site and then I think about candy canes, because it is Christmas only I really want to eat them because Richard made me get cherry Candy Canes, which although being the right colour they don't taste right. They taste good... Mmm... I am now eating it and its good. Why did we start talking ABOUT candy canes? I am also watching a movie and getting further into my pit of what-was-i-talking-about-ness. Its dark. Although I have the tree on... remember the above tree with Candy Canes. I think I need another Candy cane... Mmm...

fitness. its good... I walked a lot today, but I had MAD munchies so it doesn't count and tomorrow I have to go tot he gym... hmpf ( this is my new favorite word, because Richard admitted every time I type it in a text he laughs... I like that.) run tomorrow. Yup.. there is the fitness... I will reread and edit this tomorrow.

Below is the picture I started off discussing.

A blog a day! Woah!

Hey Kids!

I survived... I am down a pint (did you know the average woman only carries around 8 pints of blood??) and tired, but I feel good. I feel like I am doing something to help Dad... even if he doesn't need it yet.

Have YOU donated blood? Its quite the adventure and it gets very personal. I mean stealing my blood is already quite person, but with their questions... holy yeow!

The most thought provoking question for me was... Have you ever had gay sex with a man from Africa? Now let's break that down for a second. Why does it matter where this man I am having gay sex comes from? And how is it 'gay sex' if I, a woman, am involved? Its a thinker, plus the lovely volunteers our so nonchalant with the questioning I had to ask her to repeat herself... making a little joke about how my fiance (we're in separate private rooms) better have the same answers I have (many of the questions also involved paying for sex with either drugs or money in the last 6months). I understand the need to ask these questions and the seriousness of the answers, but its all a little giggly if you know us.

So we passed the test... the finger prick test was by far the worst part and we were on to the chairs (the best lounge chairs EVER) where they hook you up to the machine, which I originally thought was a pumping machine, and the blood leaves your body. Richard is a flow-er (he has good flow... he is NOT a flower, with petals and a stem) and without trouble he got started... I was a little backed up and things needed to be moved around... great, the chick who hates needles has to have someone fiddle with a needle WHILE IT IS IN HER ARM. Hmpf. It burned for a minute, but wasn't nearly as painful as I thought it might be.

Then we sat there cracking jokes with the nurses (who were great) until the little timer buzzed and my bag was full. The whole process took about an hour, but most of that was because we were first time donors and they wanted to over monitor us (especially me) just in case.

I am more fascinated by blood now... How it works? How your blood type is determined? (not the test, but the actually making of you from your parents) If my brother and I will be the same type? If I am a match to my Dad? How many pints I need inside of me to exist? How long it takes for my body to replenish the missing blood? (24 hours, which also begs the question if in 24 hours I have all my blood back than how am I not exploding from blood production?) And how my body just knows what to do? I also heard that a mother with positive blood can have a baby with negative blood, but needs to get a shot before delivery because the bloods won't like each other. Crazy?! I could grow something inside of me that is completely offended by me.

Whewf... where is the fitness in this blog? Here it is. I am tired. I was tired last night, I am tired today... good thing I only have to hop on the elliptical today, which I am still going to attempt.

Richard and I are also now in direct competition with... everyone (?) Him with Dave (his best friend) and Me with my Doctor (the one that insisted I donate) to get the new cards... if this sounds confusing. After you donate you get a card (I didn't know this) it has your name and blood type on it. Every time you donate you get a little stamp... after 25 donations you get a new card... a fancier one. After 50 you get an even better one and so on... I want the lifetime card, which you get at 200 donations... that seems like a lot, but you can donate every 56 days (another cool fact I learned... its 56 days because although you have the same amount of blood after 24 hours your Iron levels take 56 days to rebuild which is why I am tired today... no iron). Richard was all for donating several times a year (he is a good person), but more because he is competitive with his best friend, who we just found out is a regular donor, has been for years... we have some catching up to do ;)

Ok... ramble over. Work to do.

Happy Friday!

Love!

Advent doodle... yay!

Where are we?

I wrote to you on Wednesday morning... which means you missed my very proud moment. I ran. yes, I do run all the time, but I also make excuses all the time. I would like to believe yesterday warranted a great excuse (stiff neck and blood test... ie. hole in my arm), but I didn't give in to the temptation to skip my workout.. I didn't even give in to my want to shorten or lighten my workout. I did my Week 2, Day 2 run... which is... run for 32 minutes and run 2/walk 1 for 6 minutes. I even did the much hated stretch. Ok. I don't hate stretching... I love stretching. I hate stretching at the gym.

I was also amazed at how 'easy' it was (it is never easy, but it wasn't as hard as it typically is, but that didn't fit beautifully into a sentence, in fact, neither does this. Oh well) I found my groove and kept pace. I felt good. I didn't get bored... I have a lot on my mind lately, most of which is wedding or Christmas... there are a few other ideas floating around in there, but nothing exciting.

As for today (to remain topical) I went to step class... I found it 'easy' as well (see above). Does that mean the class was in fact easier, or am I finally building muscles? I should get my blood tests back today or tomorrow... I know 'no news is good news' but I hope my doctor calls me with the results. I hate when he tells me I am fine, when I am not. I also scheduled all my appointments (which is adding to my busyness) I have a ultrasound for my thyroid on Monday and a breathing test the following Monday. I am going tonight to donate blood and find out my blood type... Dad is AB+ so hopefully we match. Not that we need to yet, but I want to be ready should things require me to be.

Hmmm... What else to discuss... it on the tip of my tongue... oh right, my wedding. Yup, its another monthiversary (can it be a monthiversary (or anniversary) before the event... is it written somewhere an anniversary an only happen after the fact? hmmm.) 7 months today I will be in my dress with my hair done wondering what all the fuss is about as my mother cries about her little girl growing up. I think we're doing really well on the wedding front... a few current conflicts, but I don't feel like caring about them today.

Rambling over.

See you kids tomorrow!

Love!


Let's do an advent CARTOON calendar... I don't doodle enough. Enjoy!