I think my body hates me...

... or loves me JUST THE WAY I AM.

So I am doing this running thing, which is good for my heart and good for my head, but my knee... not. so. much.

Recycled picture... but you get the idea... hmpf.

I have a doctors appointment on Monday to try and figure something out, but as of right now I can't straighten my leg without pain, but it gets uncomfortable when it is bent for too long.

I can walk fine, but only forwards... turning (or going backwards, (which does happen) doesn't bode well and I typically yelp at the sudden pain.

The pain never lasts long... just long enough for me to know something isn't right.

Funnily enough... it doesn't hurt when I run. After the run it hurts A LOT... and my house is ALL stairs, which is the worst.

Could there BE any more stairs?!?

Hmpf.

No more runs this week...

Love!

I got new shoes!

This happens once a year.

Once a year I venture in to the 'all too intimidating' sports store and wander over to the ginormous wall of shoes.

Normally I am greeted by an over educated athlete, that knows EVERYTHING about shoes. Normally, I am over whelmed by their perception and knowledge about what I always though was so basic (its shoes, you lace them up and go).

Not this time.

In his defense I have now been running for 4 years. I understand my stride and cadence. I know my limits and have more realistic expectations. I know I only run outside. I know I run about 5k per run and that I run 4 times a week. I know I run on the outside of my foot and have weak knees (most of which I learned from the sports store experts).

The bottom line... you can't BS me (unless you are in fact a Sports Store expert).

Now 'Sam' (name changed for his protection) was very eager to help, just not well informed.

He seemed to put a lot of weight behind 'water proof' shoes for indoor running.

He also made up stories of murderous sticks that might in fact rip the netting on my shoes while running outside... netting that the waterproof shoes don't suffer from.

The waterproof shoes were only for indoor running as their soles would probably wear out quickly.

Sam considered grey a flashy colour.

Sam didn't have a clue, but he was nice about it. His real fault was the hovering... he would bring me a shoe and then stand within my personal bubble while I tried on the shoe.

At one point he seemed to get excited about PHF, but couldn't tell me what that meant. He also mocked my Puma's, because 'they are just for people who want to say 'look I have money and style, but don't work out.' (please note HE was wearing Puma's)

I love my Puma's.

I did something funny with my running choice (it was buy one get one free... Puma's were free... who's bragging about having money now?)... I left Nike *moment of silence* I never thought the day would come. I am NOT an athlete. I don't need fancy shoes. I buy shoes that 'look cool' and are 'socially acceptable'. It helps if feel good, but that is not why I buy shoes. I love Nike. I love Nike+.

But today I will run in Asics.... apparently they are the best for running. We shall see. I even got a fancy doo dad for my Nike+ Sensor, because I can't leave completely.

Also Nike shoes we're all grey and boring to look at. I want FLASHY.  I got flashy. I can't wait to get going, but alas I have  to wait until I get home today.

Ok... I got lost in that doodle.



Something like this...



So Far...

It's been an interesting week... and by interesting I mean: I hate my body and it's not doing what I want this week.

First... sniffles. They snuck up on me and BAM! they had a hold on my nose and I couldn't breath.

Second... Knees. They didn't WANT to run this and when I gave them NO choice they slowed, creaked and gouged my inner soul for the duration of EACH run.

Third... this.

It's a KINK... and not the fun 'tie me up' kind, but the lousy 'I slept funny and everyone hates me' kind. I would roll my eyes, but even THAT hurts!

It's a capital kind of day... funny that I have NO urge to capitalize the word 'capital'.

Now I am looking at everyone sideways and it's making me dizzy. Hmpf.

As for my workouts, I got in EVERYTHING except Yoga (the irony is NOT lost on me) and I only missed Yoga, because the class was cancelled. I was going to make it up today, but then I woke up (at 4a) crooked.

Yesterday I crammed everything into my lunch break, because it looked like rain and I knew I would be feeling lazy come 5pm (which turned out to be 5:30 by the time I got through traffic. Commuting. Is. The. Worst.) and I was right, but that aside I crammed a 30minute elliptical (yes, it should have been 45, but time was a factor), a 25minute run (don't be a stickler) and a '50' work out.

That all meant I could lounge and relax my way through Thursday night TV... but because my body wasn't done being an asshole, even that was tarnished by uncontrollable tears... why? I have NO idea... I think its mainly because I am a girl and girls cry for NO reason.

Anyways... its FRIDAY and my husband will finally be home (or not, he might be busy with friends tonight... #notbitter). I just want to go home and nap this kink away, before hitting the town with my guy.

Whewf... how random can ONE post be.

Enjoy!

PS - I need a drink... a stiff drink or something delicious...

LAZY!

I don't have a good book so I didn't work out.

That DOES make sense.

I don't want to put the actual title, because I MIGHT end up
liking the chaos. I will follow up.

You see on Mondays and Tuesday I hop on the elliptical and whirl away my worries with a good book. On Monday I started a new book and spent 35 minutes intrigued, but confused. Then on Tuesday I had NO drive to go read this confusing book and didn't make it down to the gym.

Thus a good book is crucial to my fitness.

Hmpf.

Finally a runner!

445 posts... that what it took for me to FINALLY draw a runner.

Why? Because I AM a runner.

The entire drive home I dreaded the run and even made excuses... I have a headache, its cold, it might rain etc. BUT I made a commitment to myself and I wasn't about to blow it in WEEK TWO.

So last night when I got home I laced up and hit the pavement. Once I was out there it felt better and its only 30minutes; an easy 5k. Whewf.

What I have noticed about my running...

-I run ont he outside edge of my foot and trying to correct that makes me run funny.
-I ALWAYS wear my sunglasses, even when it is past dusk. I feel safer when no one can see the struggle in my eyes.
-I wear mittens to keep my hands warm.
-I compete most with myself, even when it burns (I ran and extra .10km last night)
-Running clears my head and makes me forget what I am angry or upset about.
-I like passing other runners with a wave, like I am a part of a club.
-My shoulders ache LONG before my knees do.
-I dread 50 push-ups MORE then my runs.
-I wonder if my ponytail adds momentum... or drag...
-I long for a running partner.
-Righteous Smoke is a wicked running song and I prefer rock to pop to keep pace.
-Seeing my progress on Nike+ makes it all worth it.

So I ran.

That's it for today.

Love!

This Weekend...

... I didn't COMPLETELY fail.

I did fail a little bit, but I don't think it is my fault and here's why; There are NO regular temperature yoga classes on weekends after 12p. The the EFF is that about? Come on Yogi... WTF?!

Although I do feel guilt about aggression towards the masters of Yoga.

I just assumed I would be able to catch a class Saturday or Sunday in the late afternoon. You see, on weekends we try to continue with Richards schedule (night shift) and stay up entirely to late for this girl, which means A LOT of sleeping in. So I wasn't awake before 12p.

I was tempted by Hot Yoga, but can't bring myself to take the risk (elevated core body temperature can (apparently) mess with the quality of your eggs) at this point in my cycle.

I did continue on with the rest of my schedule. I ran on Saturday for 35minutes and completed a '50' workout.

Which means my week was ALMOST a success...

I missed the Monday workouts and the weekend yoga, but otherwise it was a pretty successful week. I did manage to gain 4 pounds, but who knows what that is from or how long it will last... or if it's even correct, my scale is a little wonky.

That's it. That's all I've got for a Monday morning...

Love!

What I'm doing to make a difference...

... not in the world, but within myself.

I altered my routine because I got lazy, I made excuses and I thought I was helping (Dr. recommended dropping heavy cardio from my routine while TTC). All it did was strengthen the habits I have been trying to correct.

So, as expected, I gained weight and felt depressed. I had taken away the thing that kept me strong. The intensity of building a work out around sweat, the joy of running my self to the point of exhaustion. And I didn't end up pregnant at all... so why waste my time being miserable with a routine I hate?

If I am meant to be a mother I will be... if I am not meant to carry a child I won't. I can't dance around waiting for things to happen. I need cardio and strength training WITH diet restrictions.... one doesn't work without the other.

What the above ramble is getting to is... DUN DUN DUN my new routine! Weeeee!

I am doing my best to keep all the activities LOW impact (I am not going to completely dismiss doctors orders, I am just not going to take them so literal).

I was going to type out a weekly schedule MONDAYS: this, TUESDAY: that... BUT that NEVER works, because life gets in the way. What I am going to do is below...

Weekdays
1 - Yoga Class
1 - Zumba Class
3 - Run: 30minute  (outdoors)
2 - Elliptical: 45minute
3 - '50' workouts**

Weekends
1 - Yoga Class
1 - Run: 30minutes
1 - '50' workout

Which isn't as much as it seems and will keep my body guessing... PLUS its fun. I like it and I am capable of doing it... now and when(if) the stork swings by.

The only additional cost is the weekend Yoga class at $15 a class.

I run in the evenings AS SOON AS I get home... which is PRIME snacking time, but by the time I get back from the run do a '50' workout and shower its past snack time and into dinner time.

The weekday Yoga, Zumba and Elliptical I will do on my lunch hour... the same way I have been attending classes for the last TWO years.

The only concern is the weekend workouts... I love spending time with my DH and I only see him on weekends (he refuses to run or do yoga).

I started this week and all I missed was an elliptical workout, because thanksgiving was Monday... I need something to distract me from the baby making and a new work out is just that PLUS I can start tracking my weight and inches again, which died after the wedding, when I started to enjoy my life again.

Summer is over and it is time to get back in to it. I am hoping to drop 20lbs by my birthday unless the stork appears... (I really do have BABY brain...wow).

So what is a '50' workout??? It has nothing to do with 50 shades (is that still topical?? Am I outdated?)

50**

50 Push ups
50 Lunges
50 Squats
50 Crunches
50 second plank
REPEAT (kidding, I can't 'repeat' yet)

So far I have done it after my run; when I am good and sweaty. It seems to be working and 50 is enough of a challenge I am pushing myself, but not too much that I am hurting myself.

I think every two weeks I will add 10. I am working towards 100, but that will take a bit of time.

And it leaves me breathless and sore the next day... I love that feeling. I love the burn... it makes it feel real, which is hasn't felt in a long time.

I want to get back into shape... the shape I was when I had more good days than bad.

And luckily for you that means MORE blog posts. Yipee!

Love!

PS - I will add a widget on the side for Nike +, my running app. NOPE doesn't work... and no picture, because I just created an account at Nike+ online and its AWESOME!

http://nikeplus.nike.com/plus/running/home/meloroonie

Information SUCKS!

Yup, I said it.

I am SO sick of watching my health... monitoring my health... EFF IT. Being aware of my body's issues isn't fixing ANYTHING. It isn't making anything easier.

Knowing about Hypothyroidism and blood clots, miscarriages and symptoms doesn't FIX anything.

I would rather live in naive bliss then the informed HELL I am going through.

EFF you GOOGLE and your endless stream of answers... answers to ridiculous questions.

Screw the recommendations and helpful advice; I want to know NOTHING. I want to bounce through life without EVER worrying about death, disease or destruction. Knowledge is NOT power.

I know I have an issue with Blood Clots... that is NOT going to stop my body from producing them.

I know I have a thyroid handicap... that doesn't help me lose weight or regulate my sleeping patterns.

I know ALL of the symptoms of pregnancy... that doesn't help me get pregnant.

I know all the complications of prostate cancer... that doesn't heal my father.

And all this 'knowing' has just made me angry and bitter. I miss being stupid... I was happy when I was stupid.

How do I UNLEARN everything? How do I clear my head, when I KNOW it’s not possible?

This post was supposed to introduce my current issues as well as discuss my new running schedule, but it all seems pointless now. Nothing I do will change the outcome; no matter how hard I work or how much time I dedicate to each disease... it won't make a difference. I am a broken human being and knowing that sucks.

I might run today, but the more I think about it, the more I don't want to.

I want to wallow.

ARGH!

It's a worthy post.

I haven't done anything interesting in the world of fitness lately, in fact my gym life has been down right boring, but its all for a great cause that I can't discuss yet.

Today however, I got roped in to my first Zumba class.

It made me want to be better. A better dancer. A better person. A better woman.

That class is sexy... if you can swing your hips to the music. I can not.

My instructor was gorgeous and she could swing her hips... I was mesmerized and embarrassed to be watching her caboose so closely, but that's where the movement was... the movement I was attempting to mimic; attempting and failing.

It's not that bad I wasn't at the front of the... oh wait YES. I. WAS. I let Anna (the person that roped me in) pick our spots and BAM right in the middle... I might as well have been dancing WITH our instructor.

How embarrassing!

But I was IN IT. I shook, shimmied and wiggled my way through the class... I laughed and lost my place A LOT.

I am very sweaty and a little sore.

Whewf!

I may or may not become a Zumba girl... I like trying new things, which is what this new routine promotes, but I miss my GO TO classes... step, spin and running.

Love!

PS - I know I should really illustrate this class, but I can't... it was THAT BAD.