Tabata is like labour.

As soon as it is over, you forget the pain and dream of going through it all over again... until you're in the middle of it, then you think 'WHY THE EFF AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF---AGAIN?!' only with labour you get a beautiful screaming ball of goo. At least with Tabata you can go home and sleep.

Today was insane. INSANE.

I thought about this class all week. I debated going to it. I even verbally harassed myself for being a wuss, for giving up on myself and for letting a little 45 minute class get into my head. I clearly felt peer pressured and bullied into attending. I am worth more than succumbing to a Tabata class, hmpf.

I was late to class... silly work getting in the way of my fitness goals. I got the last spot in the back corner, not my typical spot--front left. This meant I was surrounded by people and limited on my range. And also I had to suffer the stupidity and smell of those around me. Including the gassy lady directly in front of me. I had to alter some of my movements, at least that's how I defending my slowing reactions to the commanders being yelled at me.

"I can't lunge deeper there is a guy, RIGHT THERE."

" I can't do a full push-up, I have to be on my knees... there just isn't space."

"Suicides? Ha... I'll just march."

Now don't get me wrong, I freaking killed it. I was seeing spots, for goodness sakes. I have never worked so hard to see spots... green and purple ones. I took a second to regroup and got back in.

I will conquer Tabata.

On the upside... I did it. My heart rate has returned to normal, the sweating has stopped and I am still alive... maybe even a little bit more so.

Until next week Tabata, you will haunt my dreams.

xo

Who's an island?

No man is an island; I never understood what that meant. Of course a man isn’t an island, how would he float in the water and where would I build my cabana? On Richards forehead? Further to the point how would a man position himself as an island? Tread water with is head bobbing along or floating on his back with a housing development on his belly? So many questions… its better just to expect that no man is an island and stop all the silliness.

That being said… it’s amazing how the lives of the people around you, change you. How the successes, failures and opinions of friends, family and arch-nemeses can change the path your life is on.  They make you question your trail, venture of course or hunker down for the storm.

I have never been so blessed in my life.

For the first time in a long time, I have friends. I know it’s hard to believe, because I am a treat, but I am also a loner, spending a lot of time wishing I had a friend. Someone who loved me unconditionally, understood my silliness and wanted to make the effort to fit in to my chaotic existence. I have always had wonderful acquaintances, who've has an abundance of friends and weren't looking to take on me and my baggage.

BUT It’s amazing how your life changes when you have someone to help carry the load. I thought I was managing, I thought I was happy. I never realized how much time I spent trying to be my own best friend, laughing at all my own jokes, wiping my own tears and liking all my own pictures, until I had actual living and breathing friends to share in the conversation, swap Winston Churchill quotes, listen to the ramblings, swap Bellini donkeys and be in my life FULL time.

I am so grateful to have that fulfillment.

I want to work every day to give back to them all they have given to me, because for the first time I have a wonderful life and it is because I have a group of girls that are in the game with me.

Turns out no woman is an island either.

because this would be weird... 

Thank you for sharing your successes with me and pushing me to move forward, thank you for grieving with me and letting me learn my lessons through your trials, thank you for laughing at my jokes and giving me self-worth… It's not blondes that have more fun, its curvy girls and ice cream that are a good time. 

Today's 'fitness report' I am going to work out because I want to and I enjoy it, but not because I want to change anything about my life. 

xo

Thomas

I am mesmerized by the simplicity of Thomas's diet and his uninhibited relationship with food. He eats when he is hungry and stops when he is full. *mind blown* 

He also can't help himself to food, which doesn't concern him in the least. It means he isn't constantly thinking about food, like I am. His desires aren't fueled by cravings, emotions, advertising or self image (peer pressure). I can't even imagine that. I am jealous if his innocence.

Even water is in moderation. He wakes in the night for water, but simply quenches his thirst, pushes the bottle away, stretches and goes back to sleep. Even water I over indulge in, draining a bottle at the slightest urge.

He never overindulges, never feels guilt. I wish I could simplify my diet to that ('You can', you're all thinking, but my mind won't let me).

Thomas also eats REAL food, without looking for more. He has veggies and cheese with every meal, a protein and grain. Rarely, does he get dessert, which is usually unsweetened Applesauce. 

How can I have such control over his nutritional world but no grasp on how to harness my own?

Ignorance is bliss.

xo