Father's Day Weekend

What a fun 'exercise that isn't' weekend we had! Motocross is a huge test of your strength and endurance. We spent the weekend at Gopher Dunes. I didn't ride (it wasn't my turn, I don't have gear and -- it just wasn't my turn). We loaded up the 50 and 110 with everything we thought we would need and headed out. It was storming as we pulled out of the driveway, but at 1.5 hours it was blue skies and sun. 

We unloaded and hit the tracks - I was the mule this trip, which means my steps were up, my skin is tanned and my hair was caked in dirt. 

Thomas and Richard took on the pee-wee track, a medium sized loose dirt track with big hills. Both said it was a tough ride, but we had the track to ourselves and they paced themselves. 

Then it was time for Zac to hit the beginner track our little speed demon killed it. He has incredible throttle control and is fearless. Even the instructor (we weren't in the cross but on the same track) commented on his comfort level. 

With Zac refusing to get off the 50, Thomas decided to try the 110. It's a bit tall for him, and he had a few tears, but trusted himself and did a couple laps around the beginner track. 

We wondered the property and watched the big guys, with big jumps. He picnicked in the shade of the Go Dogs Go tree.

And if that wasn't the best part of the weekend - the boys first stay in a hotel was magic. Both we're both surprised and delighted by the little motel in Simcoe. We even walked to dinner and finally (after 18 months) sat on a patio and ordered off of a menu.

The weekend ended with a jump in the pond. Everyone is tired and happy. 

Happy Father's Day to all the moto dads out there. 

And for me - it was amazing to watch my little humans conquer fears and explore the world on their own terms. I got in a lot of steps, made a lot of diet mistakes - but I slept well and felt happy. 

Love,

Melanie and her Moto boys xo

Ps - Zac was mind blown a lot this weekend.

Outdoor workouts have resumed!

 I got the call to book my outdoor workout with Orange Theory Fitness - my fans (smirk) will know I have tried this before (read it here OTF) pretty unsuccessfully.

I am happy to report 3.5 years later - I like it. I joined a different (read:brand new) location and the staff and equipment sparkle. The pandemic has made it tricky to be consistent, they were open for a week and then shut down for 3 months. I joined a second gym (the ROD) to do at home and fell in love with it. Now that OTF is able to open for outdoor workouts, I am doing both. I can't decide which I prefer. I love Rod and the community he has created, but I thrive in the class setting with real people, loud music and proper equipment. 

Last night was my first workout back with OTF, but I confused something because my heart rate monitor didn't report back - I don't know if I was in the orange, the red or any other colour combination. 

Check me out at the end fighting a plank!

Luckily I did track on my watch and I think it was a good workout. I felt good about it, there were 6 of us (which sometimes I judge the audience, how hard is the workout if all the participants are older, rounder white ladies. I don't want to judge, but I am not aspiring to be an older, rounder white lady.) I say it was a good workout for 2 reasons; my inner hips quit working when I hit the row (last station, I hate rowing), and my comparison to everyone else. I did the workout, I didn't stop, drop or slow -- this is a risky judgement, because was it an easy workout that I killed, was it a hard workout that I killed? I don't know. I do know I hate rowing and I hate plank (both of which I spent 10 minutes doing). 

It did feel good to be back on the step - I freaking love step class and if I could find a one off step class I would be in heaven!

So it's a thumbs up, I will continue with both. I signed up for once a week with OTF, the bulk of my training will be at home with R.O.D.

Stay classy my friends, 

Melanie

Ps. I fight with the scale every morning - my entire day is based on what that little robot tells me. I can't figure it out, but I am at a scary high number that I need to resolve. I need to buckle in and take care of myself. I am hoping this momentum continues, because it is a scary number. I have 21 months until I am 40 and at 40 I don't want to still be trying to get it together. I want to lost 100lbs in the next 21 months. It is reasonable, doable and realistic if I make a plan and stick with it. I need to actively lose 4lbs a month, 1lb a week - easy, peasy.

This is my scared face.

After the weekend - the reckoning.

 Mondays are hard. 

They're busy and out of balance. It's the introduction to the work week, school and schedules. It's peaceful to have a purpose, but hard to do it alone. Working remotely means sitting alone at a desk, staring at screens and hoping I am not making mistakes. It's shushing my kids and avoiding calls. It's a lot. 

It's drowning in data entry and not wanting to eat a salad. It's the scale with the swollen number of a busy weekend. It's stiff joints and back pain. It's wondering what you're doing -- it's trying to get yourself all charged up about the 5:30pm workout, but you're too exhausted from doing nothing all day. And the guilt of sitting all day - it's wanting to... finish a sentence but getting distracted and coming back another day with no idea where it was supposed to end. 

Tuesday's are tricky. Tuesday's feel like the end of a long week, but are still just the beginning. Tuesday's have promise and determination. 

I need to focus to finish this post - life is a struggle, yadda yadda. I can't lose weight, I have bad habits this is hard blah blah blah. 

I hate being a downer. I want to be the life of the party - I want to be happy and exciting. 

So... I bought myself something (a fall back habit for dealing with stress), but this time it was shoes for my evening walks. Motivation to use my new shoes to get my kms up. Something pretty to share and be proud of. 

BAM - 

Picture one is a 'fat' girl picture, taken unlaced at a weird angle because I can't reach my feet. Picture two is after a long (for me) walk.

They're very pretty and super comfortable BUT the coolest part is the computer inside. Yes - these shoes connect to your phone via bluetooth and track so many weird and cool things. 

It's crazy to me all the things it tracks, I also know most of it doesn't matter, but boy do I love information. I love seeing progress. I love walking away from this body and hopefully (fingers crossed) into a new one. One that is light and easy, smooth and fun.

God - I need change so badly. I really hate myself. And I know this is supposed to be positive and strong. but somedays I just hate the choices I have made, the person I have become. I hate how I am living my life and want to scream into a pillow for change. I don't know how to change, these habits run deep and I constantly slide back in to them. I don't know how to be anything other than what I am. And I don't want to be what I am. 

Sorry for the realness - the raw authenticity. Self awareness is hard, annoying and something I wish I had never tried to achieve. 

Tomorrow will be better. 

Wish me luck.

-Mel