I haven't really felt like blogging.

But I am not going to apologize, because I do that a lot.

Wedding planning is in FULL gear and I find it monopolizes A LOT of my time. I do make it to the gym (or something similar) 8 times a week, but no I haven't lost anything. My diet is crummy right now... with Richard unemployed we're not dropping a lot on grocery and we're trying to clear out the cupboards before we do, but that means a lot of canned and frozen foods have made their way into my diet... not to mention my laziness when it comes to cooking. I have no passion or excitement for the kitchen, honestly I am not hungry enough to want to put forth any effort when I get home. I work an 8 hour day, spend an hour at the gym and than commute 3 hours (round trip). I am not making excuses just explaining where I am coming from.

This past weekend complicated things with stores being closed, Easter and my birthday... which meant no groceries (ie. no fruits or veggies) and a lot of chocolate and cake, although very little alcohol. And to be proud of me... I did wake up the morning of my birthday and go for a 7k run... yes it was meant to be a 3k light run, but I got lost... which has NEVER happen before. Worth the extra burnt calories for the cake I had for breakfast... I just can't be trusted around cake.

As for fitness... where am I in my latest venture? Disappointed. Sadly. From a previous post you know I signed up for Bootcamp and a personal trainer. I scheduled 5 intense weeks and was VERY excited. Fitness is where all this weight loss started and I love it. I was excited to see the results, work up a sweat and be proud of what I am doing again. Let's just say THAT isn't happening and its depressing.

First... I can't completely pass the blame. I haven't been myself lately. I am feeling overwhelmed and stressed. I don't enjoy things I used to and I've been a bit of bitch to everyone around (sorry). I still go to the classes the gym and the runs, but my hearts not in it and you can tell.

Second... My trainer won't make time for me. The person I am PAYING to spend time with me... doesn't have time for me. How is that for your psyche? It's frustrating to no end... I have always had a problem with feeling like an 'obligation' to people around me and I struggle to find the worth in my time, but than to PAY someone and they still don't have time for you is sad.

I will explain his point of view in a minute, but its my blog and I get to go first. When I met with John for a consultation we spent an hour talking and 30minutes exercising. We talked about my goals and how HE would get me there. He would be my person. After the workout I handed him my card (visa) and said 'I need this, I need you. Sign me up'. I had originally intended just to sign up for Bootcamp (which was all I could afford), but was so THRILLED with the work out he provided I blew the budget and signed up. At the time he should have told me he didn't have time to take on someone new, but he didn't, he simply swiped my card and smiled (naive of me, I know). My first week I went to TWO bootcamps, the first was disappointing (see previous post) we did a lot of heavy weights; the second was better we jumped all over the place, did lots of different moves, I sweat and I was sore the next day, but on my third visit, to the gym on the other side of Burlington that is a PITA to get to, I was suppose to meet with John for my first session. He was with someone else... confused I hopped on the treadmill and waited. After a few minutes Kristen (a young trainer) came over and explained she would be working with me instead of John. I was a little put off, but fine I bet she is great. We worked for 30minutes with a 5lb ball... it was boring and easy. I was disappointed, but thought the next week would be better. Next week rolls around and John cancels with me again claiming something better to do (I'm paraphrasing). Its frustrating, because I only signed up for personal training to work with HIM not a lacky that doesn't know how to work up a sweat.

After the second failed attempt I canceled my Personal Training (and my hope of succeeding) and exchanged them for BootCamps. I don't really want to go back to the gym at all, but I paid for it so I am going to use it all.

As for his side of the story... he is the owner/operator and things come up (I'm not bias... lol).

So its Thursday... I am going to hit the gym with Anna for a Step class and than I am going to go home, eat a burger and watch my TV until it feels better.

I can't wait for it all to be over (Wedding and Stag & Doe... and bootcamp) and I can go back to life...

Love!