Well Mr. New Year... we have things to discuss.

I can't believe I find myself here again. I can't believe I wasted all my hard work by letting things slide, small at first and then huge leaps of failure. I stopped even trying to be successful. I can fire off the excuses, but really I just gave up. I killed it in June and July, I dropped 20lbs. I ate well and worked out, I weighed in weekly and I was happy... clothes were starting to fit again. I felt good... then it plateau'd. It was 5 months of the same numbers on the scale, I could drink all the water, sleep all the hours, count all the calories and running all the kms... yet it wouldn't budge. I lost motivation. I lost it all.

I found burgers, cake and pies. Chocolate for breakfast, snacks in bed, milkshakes... everything I ever wanted, and always had a perfect excuse.

Now its Boxing day and I am here, with my new scale and my gifted gym membership wondering how to get back on track. What can I do to find the motivation? Set a goal? Find a teammate? Join a program? A trainer?

I DON'T KNOW.

I don't know... I am eating chocolate as I read this, because... just because. Argh.

I hate myself. I hate how I feel, how I look in pictures... I hate it. HATE IT!

I don't have a solution in this post.

I do have a million new things to share...

I got a new job, I started last week. Zac started daycare. He started last week. So a new routine is forming, I just need to figure out where the gym and meal prep fit in.

Hmpf.