The inevitable swing

Some days you have it all together, you feel grounded and secure. Happy and ready to be the best version of yourself. 

And somedays, you eat a sleeve of Oreo's and bark at your kids all day. 

It's balance. 

On low days - I just try to remember how I felt on the positive days. I try to connect the days, the feelings. 

Good day

• Got up with my alarm
• Washed my face 
• Weighed myself (down 3lbs)
• Made breakfast for the kiddos
• Drank ACV with honey and cinnamon
• Had a shake with avocado, spinach, zucchini and banana
• Took my handful of supplements
• Logged in to work
• Kept busy
• Set an alarm for hourly squats, stretches

Bad day

• Hit snooze 17 times (it was a good dream)
• Weighed myself (up 4lbs)
• Made breakfast for the kiddos
• Drank ACV with honey and cinnamon
• Ate breakfast, GF bagel, cucumbers and strawberries
• Logged in to work
• Had to find ways to keep busy
• Ate a sleeve of Oreos
• Barked at the kids
• Hate myself
• Turn off my squat alarm

I don't know how to turn it around -- I don't know how to feel empowered again. This is why I quit. I quit yesterday around 4pm, when the boys were wrestling for the 19th time - on my bed, aggressively, I lost it. I yelled, I hit the desk and I stormed out of my house. I decided I would not work out, I would not walk or eat dinner. I was out of my window, my brain was popping; a term coined to explain when we are overwhelmed and  angry. 

I sat outside for a minute. I decided I could still turn it around, I decided I need to work-out and even though I was late I had a great class. I couldn't go for a walk because of an impending storm and my parental duties, so I paced the backyard until I hit a km and called it a small win. 

I went to bed feeling good -- I woke up feeling bad, anxious, angry, annoyed. 

Argh. 

Today is bad day -- so far, maybe I will turn it around.