What I learned waking up at 4am.

Ok, it wasn’t exactly 4am and it wasn’t exactly awake, but by 4:30am I had my running shoes on and I was out the door.

This is me running.. at 4:30am

I warmed up with 200 skips, a block of walking lunges and 2 blocks of side shuffles. Then I ran. I ran in intervals, walk/jog/run. I did this until my legs burned and my throat was sore. Sadly it was only 28 minutes before I called game on the work out and when home to stretch.

Now interestingly enough, during my cool down I was light-headed and dizzy; completely uncomfortable. I thought this was a mistake and I would never do it again BUT once I was showered, dressed and moving around I started to appreciate the time I had.

This was the first weekday morning in years that I didn’t rush, I had time to hear all about Thomas’s dreams, I had time to eat MY breakfast. I even had time to read with the boys before loading up. 

There was nothing frantic or stressful. There was no anxiety, because we had time.

It was also nice to see Richard in the morning; to get a proper send-off and a nice hug. It’s amazing how that can help.

Today feels different.

Another 'New' Plan

skipping is the new running

I made a new plan, I feel reluctant to even share it as I always seem to have ‘a new plan’.

I like to over think things and complicate my existence (I’m working on it)... I was Isa Cleansing, Intermittent Fasting, Calorie Counting, Strength Training and hydrating, while training with the Couch 2 5K app. It’s a lot... and misguided.  

It was a plan for failure.

I can’t, I take failure so personally and so deeply it kills all my motivation.

First; I need a real goal (Yea, I want to lose 75 pounds and have a 6 pack, but baby steps team).

Second; I need a timeline (a short one, I’m like a dog and I ge—squirrel!)

Third; I need a reward (yes, I am a 5 year old who works for cookies).

GOAL: Be comfortable in my swimwear.

TIMELINE: 3 weeks

REWARD: Cuba with my girlfriends (which is happening even if I miss the Goal, but what a motivator).

Three weeks is manageable because it all fits on to a one page excel; easy to carry with me, easy to post on the fridge. This magical excel (yes, the one I bragged to Richard about and then forgot to take WITH me), has all of my meals and snacks, fasting windows and my workout (See? It is magic).

It’s only day two(*day one was a disaster), but I’m still with it.

I also issued a challenge to my Apple Watch friends (who are just as competitive as I am) to fill the rings EVERYDAY for the next 17 days.

So here we go again.

This was today's workout that was supposed to
be yesterdays workout**

*Because you know you want to know why: I set my alarm, laid out my clothes and prepped my shoes. I went to bed early and woke up every hour until 2am checking the time so I didn’t miss my alarm. I didn’t. I woke up, turned it off and went back to sleep. Hmpf. The real frustration this wasn’t out of laziness (maybe 5%) this was out of belief I had already run. (right?) I had a beautiful dream that I woke up, had an amazing run around downtown SC, I felt great. I came home, Richard had made me a tea and with time to spare I curled up in bed to relax before my morning chaos started (ie. The boys).  This didn’t happen, but when my alarm went off I was sure it had, so I went back to sleep. Feck. Then I had to skip my lunch weight routine/plan because sweet Thomas needed me and then after the boys went to bed all geared up I bragged to Richard about my plan and then left it on the desk and went to the gym with NO plan. I ran (with my app) for 3k and then I randomly picked up weights and grunted. Hmpf. I put in all the effort yesterday and it wasn’t my day.

** Try it for a prize!

Better?

I want to be better – a better me, a better mother, a better friend. Be Better has always been my motto. I like that open ended drive to growth. Apparently that is all that is wrong with my mental state.

In the past 12 months I have taken notice of my slipping mental state. I notice my anxiety around the everyday. I notice my aversion to germs and touching. I notice my sour state. Things that always seemed to be manageable stopped being manageable. I started to notice how much my ‘craziness’ was affecting my day to day adventures.

Being aware is a gift; aware there is a problem, aware that it is affecting me and those close to me, aware that there is help available to me.

It is my ability to be aware that allows me to find help.

That is strength, even if I doubt typing that. It doesn’t feel strong to admit to a weakness. It doesn’t feel strong to ask for help, but it is.

So in September I went to someone to talk about all of it, its taboo and I hid it from my friends. I attended sessions with a psychotherapist, calling them ‘Book Club’. Book Club taught me about myself, that I was naturally hard on myself and that I was doing ok. I still don’t believe it.

My mind is divided, the logical rational Melanie that knows things are good, I am ok-- and the paranoid little girl that reminds me constantly of what I am doing wrong or what could go wrong. This alone has prevented freedom and spontaneity, adding stress to my relationships.  

They argue. Some days logic wins, most days it doesn’t.

This constant dialogue fills my head 24 hours a day, leaving no time to live in the moment, no time to enjoy and plenty of anxiety to fill the gaps.

I thought ignorance was bliss; I ignored signs and tried to fix it myself, with a deep seeded fear in losing my mind. 

Now, why am I writing this post? Better, why am I finally sharing this post? It feels like the right day, when everyone is a little softer. A little more understanding.

My name is Melanie and I have high-functioning OCD. 

Doing my own thing.

Day one of my own personal hell bootcamp!

I have searched (since moving here) for somewhere to work out, somewhere with a group setting, support and class times that fit with my schedule. That is a tough order. I can’t workout in the AM; Richard is gone by 5:30am. I can’t workout between 8 and 11:30 or 1:30 and 6:30, because – work. I can’t workout between 6:30 and 8, that’s the only time I see my boys (and getting fit for them shouldn’t mean missing out on them). So... you see my dilemma, to complicate things, working out after 8pm sabotages my sleep and gets me all wound up!

I tried Cross Fit, Orange Theory, Bootcamps, Kickboxing, Trampoline and -- everything... nothing worked.

So...  I thought, I tried Cross Fit, Orange Theory, Bootcamps, Kickboxing, Trampoline, why not take everything I have learned and put together my own bootcamp, on my schedule!??!

I reinstated my Goodlife membership, on hold since September, and made a plan.

Some revisions to make to the plan!

Today was the first day, although I ambitiously wanted to start yesterday on a deep cleanse day. Nope. I went home and cried instead, because I am a girl... and sometimes we do that for no reason (at least not one we understand). 

I also had a Naturopath appointment* at lunch eliminating my one workout time slot for the day *thats an emotional post and I am still working on the courage to share.

Also the bonus to creating your own schedule is it is your own! So I moved day one to today and bingo bango we’re back in business!

I created a circuit with decreasing rows at the top. I added in 6 strength exercises, Upper body twice a week, Lower body once a week. This paired with Step on Saturdays (hence the lower body difference) and Hot Yoga on Sundays for a good stretch.

10 weeks. I have 10 weeks organized, planned, prepped and on the go. Once I complete 10 weeks, I’ll re-evaluate and schedule the next 10.

Today was learning... it was a new location for me so I wasn’t sure how easy the circuit would be to set-up. The Row machine (a crucial step according to OTF, Crossfit and Bootcamps) wasn’t anywhere near the weights, which added a step, but worked out.

Look at that effort! #beachbodyhereicome

Being the first also meant alterations we’re acceptable, good news is most adjustments were to add weight. I am stronger than I thought.

I had a HiiT run at the end with sprints, but I had to cut time and found treadmill running boring (I love the outdoors). So I turned on my Apptiv App* and did a Kelly Clarkson run for 18minutes, elevation change plus intervals and a wicked play list.

*Great App... highly recommend!

 It felt good to be home. Wish me luck on getting through the next 10 weeks. You are my accountability.

Xo

Ps - These posts need to be funnier. #lame

My theory on OTF

OTF

I finally made it to an Orange Theory Fitness Class and I am sad.

Sad because I love orange, and OTF is incredible at branding – their promotional materials are on point.

Sad because I wanted to this work so badly, they have class times that are convenient for my schedule; unlike every other gym in the area. *Ranting coming later, *Rant Rebuttal coming even later.

Sad because it appears to be a great environment for competition.

Sad because I am still cold!

So, the honest review; the customer service is amazing, everyone is excited about OTF. I felt comfortable and the sign in was easy. The technology and resources are incredible, the heart rate monitor is a cool addition (more to come) and visually seeing your work level is a perk. The workout equipment is great, the treadmills are more automated, so there is no button mashing; they have a water rower; which for someone who hates rowing was awesome. It’s so smooth.

The workout... I was warned it was the hardest workout in the circuit. Only 9 people had successfully completed it. I went in knowing it would be a struggle, which I love. I anticipated an all out war on my lazy muscles and I was excited. The orientation was well rehearsed and, although a lot of information, I felt ready. But here’s the kicker... my teeth were chattering while I waited for the session to begin. No one had exited the previous class with any amount of sweat on them. I joked about when does it get warm and am told not to worry, in fact they had put on the AC because it was like an oven earlier. 20 minutes in and I had to ditch my sweater, not because I was warm, but because it was too bulky to move in. Goosebumps covered my skin as I tried to get into the movements, rowing, squats, push ups, crunches, burpees and TRX bridge pulls – big stuff and still I was cold. So cold, I was having trouble breathing; the air was dry and cold and burned my lungs.  This forced me to slow down and take breaks, which dropped my heart rate and kept me in the blue warm-up zone (frustrating when you’re supposed to skip through the blue zone to the green zone and land in the Orange zone). 

I am not a super hero who can skip the gym for 3 months and then drop back into a heavy work out and win, but I couldn’t even compete in that environment. I know I could have done more, because today I am not sore or tired... not sure I even got a burn or the promised Orange Theory after burn.

It could have been the workout. It was tough. It could have been me, but nothing got me excited. I actually watched the clock, which is the worst.

The follow-up is very cool... I got an email this morning with my graphs, disappointing as it is; it’s cool to see it.

OTF is on point with their technology, but the workout just wasn’t there for me.

I am not really sure what I am going to do now. They did offer a second trial class, something that is more accented in what they typically do. I am not sure I want to lead them on. I have an Apple Watch that tracks my workouts, gives me graphs and monitors my heart, not sure I need to pay for a second service to accomplish that.

So where do I go from here?

I think I need to reinstate my Goodlife membership and go on my lunch hour, make a plan that includes running, weights and rowing. It’s the only thing I can afford, that doesn’t impact my boys. I need to find that drive to succeed or I am never going to get there.

91 days to go – 24 lbs to go

*Rant: Every gym has class times (I love classes; competition, direction, music!), but they are always done at 6:30 (7:30 at the latest, but even those are mostly reserved for Yoga and stretching). I can’t make it to a 6:30 class, without giving up the precious seconds I get to spend with my boys.  Work, school and life means I spend less than 3 hours a day with my littles and I am not cutting that short to hit the gym. My priorities are in line, they trump all – their cuddles are therapeutic!

*Rant rebuttle: Working out late and getting up early are not a great combination, I was amped when I got home at 10pm and it took 2 hours to come out of clouds and fall asleep. So I get why classes aren’t so late... argh. Being a morning person and a night owl is really cramping my style!

The Marquez Challenge

I am issuing a Marquis Challenge; it’s about speed and precision in 93 days. #motoGPreference #richardwouldbeproud

It’s 93 days for me, because I am headed to Cuba with my girlfriends and I want to be happy in the heat, in dresses and shorts.

I work best with deadlines and even better when it is a competition.

So I am working to lose the last 25lbs in the next 93 days.

I don’t even have a game plan... I just want it.

That has to be enough.

Day 93 – 25lbs to go.

What am I currently doing?

Isagenix 30 day cleanse (1 shake, 2 snacks and a healthy lunch) 

Intermittent Fasting (fasting from 2pm to 7am daily) 

Weekly Deep Cleanse days (36 hours of cleansing over 2 days)

Orange Theory Fitness (review to follow)

I have found that not eating is easier than eating (that sounds problematic, but I eat well for 7 hours a day and avoid the snackiest parts of my day).

I found that I function better on a high fat/low carb diet (sorry bread).

I know I need 6 litres of water a day (or I bloat and whine).

Sleep is crucial in my world (8 hours more if I can squeak it).

I know that cardio and sweat need to happen (even when I don’t have time). I love it and find it so therapeutic, but finding time! Argh. #thestruggleisreal

So that’s it... that is everything I have learned over the past 15 years of blogging, cleansing, changing and losing.

I guess that is a plan.

Oh and in this challenge I will blog/post everyday... so I better be doing something, or those posts are going to be BORING!

Here we go again!

Love!

Melanie

Needles in the face AKA Acupuncture

I am up for anything... and everything.

I now work at a clinic that offers dozens of alternative solutions to everyday problems. My goal is to try them all, how else can I recommend treatment?

It was time to gets needles in my face.

Dr. Dave had offered previously to clear my sinuses with acupuncture, but wasn’t ready. With the impending road trip to Pennsylvania (7+ hours) I thought it was time to ditch the sniffles.

On a break between patients we snuck into the magic yellow room to get to work.

It took 6 needles, 5 in my face and 1 in my hand.

It didn’t hurt, but did make me laugh every time they bobbed, which was every time I laughed. You see the vicious cycle that arose.

It only got worse when my eyes started to water, but I was at a loss on what to do, because I couldn’t get a Kleenex to my face, which made me laugh, which made the needles jiggle, which made me laugh harder and made me cry. Vicious.

But it worked.

I survived 48 hours in the states, 16 hours in the car and didn’t sniffle at all.

What’s your ailment, I bet we can help!

#selfpromotion #shameless