So MUCH things to discuss!

Yes, I aware that is grammatical in correct, but there are 'much' things I need to write about.

Let's talk about yesterday... 3 workouts. I already talked about the first two, but the third... what an interesting experience. I joined Cassy for a Hot Yoga Detox class last night..

Detox Vinyasa - A gentle Vinyasa flow suitable for all levels. The intention of this practice is to detoxify the mind and body by stimulating, cleansing and nourishing from the inside out.

What an amazingly intense and eye opening class. It is what I always expected Hot Yoga to be; not just poses in a hot room, but chanting, breathing techniques and spiritual connections and thanks. Now, I am not a granola, I don't buy into all the hype, but this class made me feel centred calm and refreshed. We worked through the Vinyasa flow to 'ring out' every organ and increase blood flow. We worked our diaphragm through intense breathing exercise and lots of holding. I can't even begin to describe.

Trish ended with a prayer, which I am trying to find and it just made everything make sense. I love yoga, I love feeling at one with my surroundings.

You know who doesn't like Yoga... Walter.

Last night as we were 'ringing out' our glands Walter screamed as I cut of circulation to him and then forced blood to rush through him and my every other creature living in my throat. No one else reacted as poorly as Walter... this morning I woke up to a large, hard lump in my throat, more so to the right side. The discomfort has returned... in the second picture, you can kind of his him; fully extended. WTF?! I have to make an appointment with my doctor for another ultrasound, this is getting past funny into annoying. I am read to part ways with Walter... even if that means surgery. Which let's hope it doesn't, although hospital time means ICE CREAM (guilt free) and TEDDY BEARS!

As I sit here typing this Walter is pushing on my esophagus, making me want to swallow continuously. Hmpf.

Finally (of my much things) I pulled out the scale this morning. Look, 3 times a week is still better than 3 times a day. Baby steps. The results are positive though... I have lots a few pounds and maybe I missed a disheartening increase. Who knows? I put the scale away until Friday for my offical weigh in.

That's it and I think that is 'much'.

Love!

Pounds to Lose: 18

THREE work outs today!

Yup! I am insane... and punishing myself for my cupcake dinner last night. I made them from scratch (added cinnamon and brown sugar), to celebrate Richards new job, and had to try then. They were YUMMY. I actually only had one, but I licked the bowl clean (my favorite part of baking). Anyways... I am feeling guilty and wanted to work towards something, hold myself accountable and make sure I worked off the excess calories.

And a pleasant surprise, which prompted the 3 workouts instead of the planned 2, Anna caught me in the elevator on the way to the gym. She was also on the way to the gym... Now Anna is a rail, but works hard on her diet to keep the pounds off, not obsessively, but realistically. She just happens to be one of my close friends. We've never hit the gym together... mainly because I am doing heavy cardio to drop weight and she is doing strength training to sculpt.

So... we're in the elevator on the way to the gym, my intentions are to do the noon spin class or take a spin around the elliptical should the class be full (which it has been lately). Anna insisted I do the step class with her.. thus I signed up for the step class (1). After class she decided to stick around for the Abs and Back class; I am WAY TOO competitive to back down so I stayed (2). All the while knowing I have a 75 minutes Detox Yoga class tonight with Cassy (3). I am a little sore and SURE I will regret this in the morning, but its all for something and I feel good
about it.

The only downside is Walter... I haven't felt him in a few days, but he was clearly in Step Class with me. I wish he would just F*** off!

I also haven't been on the scale since Sunday... I know 2 days, big deal. It is huge to me. I even cried about it to Richard last night to a dominate 'just don't do it'. If it were that simple I wouldn't have hidden the scale... ha!

Ok... I am ranting, see you tomorrow.

Wish me luck tonight.

Pounds to Lose: ???

Feeling better...

... I went to the gym. I am feeling better.

I hate that my previous post got so much attention and I am feeling guilty about complaining so much. I have a good life and I shouldn't be so down on myself or Richard... things will work out, even if its not the way I want.

Although my salad today SUCKS!

Love!

Pounds to Lose: ???

STRESS!

Ok... I am having a stressful day week month life. I am about at my limit and I am not sure what to do about it. My first attempt to remain calm is yoga, my second is hiding the scale and sadly my third is finding another job; not to replace my current one, but to add to it... because at the end of the day I have BARRELS of energy left to work a double shift. I wish I had a choice, but with my partners inability to retain a job and my lack of enthusaim over losing my house I don't have a choice.

It's going to challenge my health, my career and my relationship, but again I don't have a choice. I can't live in constant fear relying on someone else to help me, as always I am doing this alone and need to learn that the only person that is EVER going to bail me out, is me.

It hurts to realize this, but I need to push that aside and just get it done. I wish everyone in my life had the same drive and motivation, but sadly they don't... I live in the world of yuppies, young adults afraid to get their hands dirty. I wondered what would snap me out of this priviledged mind set and force me back into my poverty ways.

So let's recap... because I am feeling VERY self loathing at the moment.

1. I have thyroiditis, which drains my energy and makes me fat
2. I have hypothryoidism which does the same as #1 but in a more subtle fashion.
3. I just had a tooth yanked out of my face and my benefits DIDN'T cover the extraction.
4. My partner isn't working and has given up hope.
5. My line of credit is MAXED from wedding crap.
6. I am planning a BIG wedding that I never wanted.
7. I'm fat and can't do anything about it.
8. I just got my annual raise (from my career) and it was less than $10 a pay cheque.
9. My career is overly demanding with little reward.
10. I have no friends or family to lean on.

That's about it... yes, I took a stride in the weight loss battle by hiding the scale and not beating myself up over every pound, but that's just another stress, because I can't control it.

I am feeling very alone and very down... what if this is my life? What if I will always carry the weight of the world on my shoulders? What if it never gets easier? The worst part is I can handle it... so no one worries, but I should't have too and I don't want too... I thought having a partner meant I never had to go through this alone... now I am up to my eye balls in debt, because I tried to live a life I couldn't afford.

Hmpf.

I am going to hit the gym today and hopefully it picks up my mood, because today I don't even want to go home.

On the upside... no sign of Walter this week.

Love?

Thank GOODNESS for friends!

I understand you can't pick your family (and I wouldn't), but your friends; they are amazing people you CHOOSE to share life with. I don't have more than a handful of good friends and sometimes, with the wedding tension, the list is short but the few I have that have held on... thank you or as the song says... "Thank you for being a friend, traveling down the road and back again" and because my singing has never been good.... a video!

And if we're talking Golden Girls I might be 'Rose'... a little flighty, but very nice. Although I might be closer to 'Sophia' with my smart mouth and questionable ethics, but Rose is just so damn loveable.

Anyways... back on track. I had a crummy day, yesterday. My face hurt and my gums throbbed, I couldn't eat anything of good taste and work was hectic, but at the end my good friend Cassy pulled me out of the funk and dragged me to Hot Yoga. I am so glad she was there to pull me along, the class was amazing and just what I needed to feel recharged. Cassy is new to me (although its almost 4 years), but she is quickly becoming my closest and dearest friend. I blame the wedding... we get together weekly to gossip and brainstorm about my wedding. So, as much as I hate the damn thing a friendship is blooming because of it.

As for Hot Yoga... I nearly popped a stitch. YEE-OW! I knew it was going to be a tough class... any work out in high heat, that is over an hour is going to be tough, but this wasn't any ordinary Hot Yoga class this was Hot Yoga Cross Fit; a completely different beast.

Yoga Cross (Burlington) - A physically intense yoga class focusing on body conditioning, strength, endurance and core work. Feel your body and spirits lighten as you improve your body composition and work towards your personal weight management goals.

Yea, sounds fun... right?! It was GREAT! I almost cried and sweat A LOT, but I left feeling good, strong and powerful. I can't wait for Saturday to go again. And this time I won't take my pain killers so close to class ;)
I always feel like I am rambling, but I was so excited to have something fitness-esque to write about I didn't take the time to structure the blog, like I normally do. Yes, all of this chaos is typically planned... sorry to ruin the magic.

As for my health... my face seemed to explode last night and I fell asleep in a drug induced coma, but I feel ok today. Still sore, a little tender, but managable. Walter seems to be leaving again, but you never can be sure with him, he's a tricky little guy.

The weekend is here and I can't wait to get started! For the first time is 4 weeks I will be drinking wine... my favorite thing, only second to chocolate (Richard is a close third). It will be nice to relax with one of my new labels. *deep sigh*

Have a good weekend... stay healthy, happy and strong. (That's the yoga talking ;)

Namaste!

Walter is back!

WITH AVENGENCE!! Stupid thyroid. I just get a handle on things and my mouth blows up shooting infection down my throat along with immense pain. Hmpf.

Walter has grown to a ridiculous size, seemingly over night, he is not happy about the new pill regime and/or the loss of a tooth. I can't be sure about the reason he is back, but I am angry about it. I skipped the gym today... my balance is still wonky and my head is sore.

I am suppose to go to Hot Yoga with Cassy tonight...we'll see how I feel. It would be nice to work up a sweat, but I don't want to push myself to hard and cause more harm then good.

On the other side I cancelled my Naturopath appointment... its just too much for me to take in right now. I re-scheduled, but couldn't get an appointment until April. I guess I am 'detoxing' until then. We'll see how everything unfolds once I can chew, work out and sleep again. I feel like a lost cause some days.

I will keep you posted on my progress... my face is still swollen and it hurts to smile.

Love!

Wednesday post!

Filleted was COMPLETELY accurate. What a night! Half way through one appointment, numb up through my ear, my dentist hits gold, smelly infected gold. The whole room stinks and I am in a world of unexplained pain. Turns out I had a serious infection tucked under one bad tooth, which isn't the reason I went to the dentist in the first place. Nothing hurt (or smelled) until she started poking around.

Now reading this blog you know I have bad teeth... it runs in the family and I am the unlucky kid that loses a molar every year. I am working on implants, but those suckers are expensive.

Back to last night... I am immediately rushed (30k away) to an oral surgeon so he can cut away at my gums and pull out the decaying tooth, that wasn't a problem until my dentist started poking around (can you sense the bitterness????) Finally after 4 hours I am leaving the second dentist office of the day and on my way home, missing a tooth and $600 further in debt. What a scam.

I have a handful of pain meds to take and 4 prescriptions to fill.

Now the interesting part of ALL Of this... first, my dentist said she remembered this infection from 2010... why she didn't do anything then, I don't know. Second, this infection, based on the size and length of it, could be the viral infection that forced my body to attack my thyroid, enter thyroiditis. Hmmm... It all could make sense if I wasn't hopped up on pain killers.

And only because I love you... a picture of my chubby little face.

Wish me luck!

Don't judge me... its early and I am on meds... ha!

Tuesday's POST

I can’t blog today (today being Tuesday). For some reason… unknown to this ‘techno peasant’ the screen won’t load. What do you think of the name? My boss says it every time she needs me to fix her computer, most times it involves a ‘double click’ or a ‘right click’, but I smile an oblige. She is my boss after all. Anyways… I have so much to say, but can’t get it out to the world because of technical issues.

I like to make lists (which is a new thing, bare with me).

1. Happy belated family day. I spent the day alone and a little with friends, best long weekend yet.

2. I tried a new class… Hot Yoga Pilate's. My inner thighs are burning and I feel uncomfortable. I think it was a good class, but I can’t compare it to anything I have willingly done before. It felt more like punishment and the instructor seemed genuinely disappointed in my inability to keep my knees up FOR. 60. MINUTES.

3. I missed Spin class. I have been excited about this class ALL year, which is accurate, considering we’re only on week 9 of the new year… more accurately we’re ALREADY ON WEEK NINE?! I was late to sign up and the class was full I hit the Elliptical for a good workout… I am still sweaty.

4. I worked out EVERY day of the long weekend, which is completely unheard of. I ran 5k on Saturday (which was great). I did a 45 minute workout with Nike Fit Club on Sunday (which was less great) and then the Hot Pilate yoga thing from #2 on Monday. I am proud as a peacock at the moment.

5. Everyone around me is eating chips… free chips and I want chips.

6. We themed our Stag & Doe… I also sent out a Facebook invite. There will be more to come on this blog, but until then check THIS out. Oh yea… and its COPS & ROBBERS… awesome, right?!

7. I am back in FULL detox mode with ONE revision – Chocolate. I am never giving it up again. It makes me happy, keeps me sane and is good for my soul. I love chocolate *deep sigh*

8. I have a dentist appointment tonight which may prevent a heavy workout tomorrow… TWO HOURS in the chair getting everything filled, filed and filleted (not quite, but I needed an ‘f’).

9. Friday I have a meeting with Nicole to review my progress, which brings me to #10.

10. Walter is gone. The swelling in my neck is also gone… I can’t feel him when I swallow or when I massage my thyroid (by which I mean poke it and pester it into working). Nothing has changed in the way of my Hypothyroidism, but I stopped the drops… I couldn’t keep it up. The symptoms, beyond the swelling, were too much to tolerate. My skin and hair were a mess, my mood was low and my weight was rising. I am off the drops and feel better AND if this is all I can get out of my thyroid…. I will TAKE it!

I think that is everything you have missed over the long weekend… everything of relevance. I do have a sad sobbing story about trying to by a bustier, but you might have to click over to the wedding blog for that. Which by the way is ALSO not working.

All my love!

I took Walter for a run...

I loved it. He hated it.

Walter is lazy.

The messy PART TWO: I hate my life.

I hate my life. I hate Walter. I hate my body. I hate... this. I am SO angry with myself (not for the chocolate incident). I am so sick of being in a body that DOESN'T work! I hate that I place all the value of myself on what the scale says. I hate that I have NO motivation to do anything today. I hate being tired. All. The. Time. I hate the way I look, when things don't function properly. I hate my hair, my skin and my feet (the foot thing is unrelated, but I hate it).

I feel like I am working SO hard. I feel like I am giving up everything, sacrificing things that make me happy (re: chocolate) for what? I had 4 Hershey Kisses yesterday (maybe it was 5, do you WANT to argue with me right now?!) and I gained 1.5 pounds. I feel disgusting and defeated. Even with that splurge my calorie intake was 1553ish. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?! How can a woman of my size eat 1550 healthy (minus the chocolate) calories and GAIN WEIGHT?! Answer... a defunct thyroid and a messy treatment that creates a 'Walter' and resolves nothing. OK, that's not fair... the treatment MAY be working, by causing an uproar BEFORE flushing everything out, but how am I suppose to know that??? I am afraid to keep going and afraid to stop.

Walter is getting fat, (fitting since he is a part of my body). He traps air in my throat and makes me burp. I feel congested and like I have something stuck right there under my apple. Hmpf.

I am just ready for something to work. I am ready for anything to work. I would stand on my head for a week if someone told me it would fix this. I am caught in a HUGE mood swing, I want to cry. I am so burned out. It has been 3 years of the same... make a goal, strive daily to hit the goal, work too hard at the gym, eat nothing and get nowhere... at what point do I say 'F it' and just accept that I am a full figured women with flabby arms?!? I want to be ok with my body more than I want babies (and that is A LOT). I want to feel normal, successful and healthy. I don't want to fear every calorie or treat. I don't want to live a life of restriction forever. Imagine the joy and pleasure I am going to miss out on, because I am so scared to make a mistake.

ARGH!

I hate my life.

No Love!

Pounds to lose: 21

There are TWO parts to this post - PART ONE: CHOCOLATE

**I had to break up this post, because the frustration and anger I am feeling today will take away from the very funny thing I did yesterday.

I met with a friend for lunch and a quick Valentine's Day recap, we talked for hours and it was great to catch up and resolve some lose ends. From my VDAY post you know I was all a 'twitter' with love yesterday.

I floated back to my desk to find a pile of Hershey's Kisses. My. Favorite. Chocolate. I thanked the generous provider of the chocolates moved them OUT of eye sight and got to work. I don't know when it happen. I don't know how, but my hands and the chocolate craving part of my body seemed to override my willpower and sense of detox. In seconds warm milk chocolate was flowing over my tongue, the instant pleasure of this is making my lips curl and my eyes warm. And then ---

"I'M EATING CHOCOLATE!" I screamed, in my office... that I share with 7 other writers. I through my arms back and pushed away from my desk, clearly angry.

"Are you ok?" One brave co-worker asks. And then I notice them all frozen staring at me with a look of humor and -- fear.

"No," I said and blow out a sigh "I don't know how it happen."

And the room erupted in laughter... and thus the slippery slope of recovery was broken and I was back on the chocolate. I had 4 more Hershey Kisses. I don't feel guilty and I would do it again!!!

What I do feel is, annoyed. How could my body do that to me??? I have been working SO hard, avoiding ALL temptation, counting my calories and sticking to this stupid detox and then BAM! Chocolate IN my mouth.

My name is Melanie and I am a chocoholic.

Hmpf.

Hi Blog!

Good Morning and Happy 'love to you' day. I don't know why I am SO festive (I am wearing a pink sparkly sweater. Eeee!)

Wait--not...

but this...

Thank you Lululemon!

I am even writing with my heart pencil...

See... I am actually wearing the pink sweater! No trickery here!

Although I suppose I am typing right now, but when ever I feel the need to 'write' I use the heart pencil... why not? Its only good one day a year!

I don't have anything amazing to write about either. Walter is still with me and grumbled a lot last night. My detox is still chugging away and... WAIT I do have something to share. I ate quinoa. I even cooked it myself and if you're not familiar with this 'grain' its like big sand. You rinse it off and boil it (like rice). Only with the size of it... it gets EVERYWHERE, like sand. It doesn't taste like sand, but it doesn't taste like anything. I started dumping my spice cupboard into it and it turned out well, ok, edible. Apparently it is 'good' for you, but I don't know. I can't keep up with all the trends these days.

Speaking of trends... I was at my in laws house on Sunday, while there a friend came over. Both in their late 50s and dieting the women (Richard Mom and her friend) started talking about a new diet that is 'all the rage' and 'melts away the fat'. I rolled my eyes, but listened in. This 'fad' was a sensible diet, no white starches and lots of fruits and veggies. Both women seemed amazed at the simplicity of this and giggled about when they we're going to try it.

First... WHAT?! Why is a sensible diet so shocking?

Second... in 30 years am I still going to struggle with my weight?!? I figured by that point I would just accept where ever I am in life, knowing that I have done my best to be healthy. I don't want to resolve to 'lose weight', 'get healthy' and 'be active' every year for the next 30 years. hmpf. I need to work this out NOW.

You know, for a post about nothing this is pretty long.

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!

Love!!

Pounds to Lose: 19

After the weekend!

Happy to report I gained nothing weekend AND only cheated once, late on Sunday evening with an Ice Pop. I earned it. I celebrated my Mother in Law's birthday and attended my high school reunion WITH OUT cheating. Even the Ice Pop was at home after everything, in my PJs.

On Saturday I started my drops again. (Below is my family of drugs).

Weird... it won't rotate the picture. In fact, it ROTATED the picture to get it like this.

The actual picture (as it is saved on my phone) is upright. Hmpf!

The swelling had declined and it made sense to kick it up. I do believe the drops are working slash screwing with my thyroid, because even we NO cheating (minus the ice pop) I didn't lose an ounce. Hmpf.

We'll see how I am feeling moving forward and if 'Walter' returns. Who's Walter? You ask. Well, on Saturday at the reunion I kept referring to the 'lump' in my throat that makes me burp sometimes unexpectedly. The girls laughed and say you HAVE to call it something else. I chose Walter. It sounds distinguished-- AND funny.

Oh Walter you're so silly.

I am heading to the gym today for a good sweat.

More to come!

Love!

UPDATE: Something is definitely wonky in my body. I just got back from the gym and I couldn't keep up with myself (my-past-self) after 15 minutes I was drained. My mind wanted to go, but legs just wouldn't co-operate. Hmpf.

Pounds to Lose: 20

Great Article!

I just found a great article (in Women's Heath Mag) on my thyroid... not MY thyroid, but of all thyroids and their functions. I was never great at explaining what is does, what mine doesn't and how I know.

Enjoy!

Update: Thyroid!

I wish this post was going to be about my success on the detox and my triumph over weight gain and hunger, but its not. I gained this week and I am miserable, because of the detox. Although I can't blame only the detox my thyroid is being a complete P.I.T.A. I am so over the treatment and wish they would clear me to have it removed. I am already in a position to be on meds for the rest of my life.

Quick run through: 3 years ago I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism after years of wondering why my body didn't work and a blood clot scare. I was put on Synthroid a synthetic thyroid (T4) replacement. After a few months of fiddling with the dosage I am now at .88mg and have been for a over a year. I get my levels checked regularly (3-4months) and everything (on paper) always 'looks good', 'is normal'. I have been calling my doctors bluff for about 6 months now as I struggle to lose weight, I find myself always cold and my moods uncontrollable amidst a dozen other thyroid (apparent) related symptoms. In October of last year (2011) my goitre returned and I underwent a barrage of tests including, chest scan (?), ultrasound and blood work. Again, my level came back at a normal range for both T4 and T3 (thyroid chemicals... I honestly can't think of the right word) BUT my ultrasound showed an enlarged thyroid and the diagnosis was Thyroiditis. I did an eye-roll and asked what that meant. The basic explanation was a viral infection that is attacking my thyroid and causing it to defend itself, by puffing up in size. It was explained to me that this is (could be) an Auto-Immune disease.

I met with a (useless) specialist who told me I was fine (I told him he was an idiot). I met with my GP who said just to ride it out and let it correct itself, but to keep an eye on it. And I met with a Naturopath who showed concern and wanted to rectify the problem before it got worse. She started me on drops (10 days ago) that are combined to force blood through the thyroid and flush it out. She told me this would fix it (hopefully) and even ease some of the symptoms I was still experiencing. After 5 days of drops my thyroid swelled to twice the size and was affecting my breathing and swallowing, plus it was pushing on my throat... which always makes me gag. Wednesday was a crummy day. She (my naturopath) told me to stop taking the drops for 3 days and start up again at a lower dosage. After 3 days (to yesterday) my thyroid was still swollen... I called her up again and she told me not to start the drops again until my thyroid was under control and if the swelling persisted through Monday to have another ultrasound done. 

In the meantime... on a restricted diet I have gained weight, my skin is a mess and, not to get to personal but, my nipples are SO itchy. I don't know if that is related, but it feels like it could be.

Never too much information... that's what I always say. I also did think about doodling a nipple, but thought that would be tacky. Sorry.

Its Friday. I should be thrilled to hit the weekend and strike another week off of my wedding countdown, but honestly I like the structure of work. I know when to eat, drink and exercise. We'll see how the weekend goes. There is no part of me that wants to continue this detox, but I made a commitment and I am going to stick to it.

Wish me luck!

Love!

UPDATE: I have a NEW endocrinologist (thyroid and metabolism specialist). I just spoke with my GP and I have a new referral; I picked the Doctor this time and I chose a woman based in Toronto. She is the top ranked endocrinologist in Toronto and I can't wait to work with her. As always I will keep you posted. I don't suspect my appointment will be in the next few weeks, but at least things are happening.

Pounds to Lose: 21

On a positive note (which should be a separate blog, but I am feeling lazy) last night was Thursday treat time! Every Thursday, detox or not, I get a treat. Typically I hunker down with a piece of milk chocolate, but since I can't have that during detox Richard took me to KindFoods in Burlington, an all Vegan Cafe/Bakery.

We decided on 'World Peace Cookies with vegan butter cream (I don't get it either). They're gluten-free, diary-free and nut-free. There are no chemicals either. I don't know how they hold it together or how they taste so DAMN good!

They were yummy, but we both had sugar highs. Yes, Richard and I shared them...

shame on you for thinking I ate ALL four.

Symptoms - Why?

Above is ONE picture I took of my thyroid, you can't really see the swelling, but I circled the

swelled area... not sure if this helps anyone who didn't know where the thyroid was.The one

on the left is the actual picture... its the better judge of my neck, because the one on the right

I had to move around and re-size.

Everyone keeps asking me 'Why are you doing this to yourself?' My symptoms this time are bad, but nothing new to report. I have headaches. I feel like a drug addict going through withdrawal. My head throbs and things get fuzzy. I lost all of my patience and my head is congested. My throat is all full of thyroid and I feel nauseous most of the time. I am tired, but not sleepy and I feel drained of all energy. So... why do I do this? Because these symptoms perfectly display the nasty side affects of a sugar addiction. The way I am feeling is because I took away all the crap my body had come to depend on. No I don't like feeling like this, but if my diet was good year round... I wouldn't feel like this during detox and as much as I call it 'detox' all it really is, is eating well; cutting out the crap, the fast food, the easy meals. Its finally treating my body the way it needs to be, to be healthy and happy for a lifetime. I wish I could sustain this mindset forever. I know that in a week I will feel better. I will feel fit and energized. I just have to get over the hump and learn to curve my cravings.

It helps that in 4 days I have lost 5 pounds, which i find very motivating. I want to hit my FINAL goal for my birthday. Its the same goal I have made for the last 3 years. I didn't expect it to take this long, but the journey is the memory and worth every nauseated step.

I feel all profound and smart today.

The other reason why I am doing all this... I want to keep my thyroid. I am willing to do anything and this diet/detox, might alleviate the stress I have put on my thyroid and give it a chance to recover. Who knows?

Love!

PS - My throat is still swollen and my thyroid is still bothering me. I was suppose to re-start the drops today, but I decided to give it ONE MORE day. Tomorrow I will re-start the drops in a smaller dosage.

Pounds to Lose: 20

Detox DAY THREE!

And I am angry. I remember this feeling. I am agitated and my fuse is short. Its barely 9am and I have already yelled at FOUR different people. Granted it was all over the same issue and one of them was Richard... actually Richard's voicemail, because the lazy ass is still sleeping. I suspect a big fight once he checks his message, but I have no patience.

I want him awake. I want him working. And if he isn't awake and working... I want MORE help around the house. I hate that everything falls to me ALL the time. He sleeps till 11 and then plays video games. The house is a mess and I have 25 Thank-you notes to write! Thank GOD he doesn't read this blog. Its in NO ONE's best interest for him to know how I am feeling right now. I hate Angry Days. I can't even stand to me around myself... and today, I have 2 off site meetings with over demanding, whiny clients.Hmpf. I still have this stupid cold and most of last night I had terrible dreams that have me on edge.

I haven't lost nearly as much weight as I expected and I FARKING hungry. I hate this. My thyroid continues to swell to all hell and now I can't even swallow without choking on it. I want to go home, but I want to go home along... not to Richard and his video games.

ARGH!!!!

Now I am going to predict a very SAD day of crying tomorrow, because that seems to be the normal trait involved with Detox.

I'm done... consider yourself lucky the post ends here.

I am off the drops.

Ok. First Richard called while I was at the gym and sadly said... sweetie I am hungry and afraid to eat. I love that he is really trying to do this. The poor guy is at home all day surrounded by treats (from my shower, that didn't make it into work, because I had to take the train) and temptation, with no idea what to do with himself. I am waiting right now for a second call while he is at home and I can guide him through the kitchen.

And then my Naturopath returned my frantic call from yesterday. I called to ask for more help. She has put me on these drops (which I may have already mentioned, but a quick summary) that are suppose to flush out my thyroid and make it work. They are in fact doing something to my thyroid, that involves make it swell and complicate swallowing in most cases.I thought it meant they were working, but not the case and I have to stop taking them for a few days to give my thyroid room to breath. We'll see what happens.

I feel good today... I even went to the gym and spent 45 minutes on the elliptical.

Just a quickie bonus post... over and out!

Love!

There is nothing fun about it.

And so it begins. As much as I am excited to be detoxing again. There is nothing fun about this process, thus NO pictures, doodles or funny antidotes. Although I am just so naturally funny I am sure you will find a giggle tucked away in this post somewhere.

Today marked the start of a 6 week detox, which feels like forever, but New Years was 6 weeks ago and that seems like just yesterday, so... hopefully things zip along.

I spent most of yesterday stuffing my face with anything and everything I could get my hands on. I was so full, but determined to get all of the cravings out of my system PLUS things will go bad before I can happily consume them again. I hate being wasteful so I ate it. I ate it all. I feel gross this morning. My head is spinning, my mouth is dry and its hot. I am not sure what that has to do with, but withdrawal shouldn't kick in full steam until Wednesday-ish.

On the menu today... A Rice Protein Shake with mango's, bananas and berries (yum!), a spinach salad with oil and vinegar dressing and organic apple sauce for a snack. I think my entire calories are around 600, but I am trying not to keep track. Its easier that way. I am going to hit the gym today to keep with my Fitness Challenge. I was consciously more active over the weekend keeping up my daily exercise. Now I might be skewing the details, but I spent 3 hours cleaning and moving furniture. I counted it as 30minutes of cardio and felt that was fair.

Ok.
I have a pile of work to do. I am already hungry and I have to pee... I am drinking so much water it hurts. I also have to skip my morning Green Tea... its flavored, contains sugar and has a lot of caffeine. I swapped it out for hot water with lemon.

Wish my luck!

Love!

Pounds to Lose: 25

Side Effects

Ok. I am in Day Two of treatment (no detox yet) and I am starting to understand some of the tricky effects of introducing new 'things' into my body. It always interests me to know that I have blind faith in my Naturopath and am taking the drops prescribed without asking what they are. Every morning I drop 15 drops into my water bottle on the way to work. They have no flavor, but change the consistency of the water... it reminds me more of alcohol; if that even makes sense.

Let's get the first side effect out of the way... I gained 4 pounds over night. I am hoping that it's a lot of water retention, because another side effect is thirst. I am so incredibly thirsty. My mouth is dry and my head is pounding... Yesterday I drank 2 times my daily recommended water consumption. I just couldn't quench my thirst. Even right now, my swollen tongue is sticking to the roof of my mouth. BLAGH!

Worse than that is the gas... holy. I have to clench my cheeks ALL day to prevent embarrassing noises erupting from my back end. I don't need to go further into detail on that one.

So last night I took my drops and my pills before dinner. After dinner I took a midol for the cramping (not time of the month related) and headache. I drank a bucket of water and sat on the couch to relax. Only I couldn't because I also have a head cold. My throat is sore, my nose is plugged and my head is cloudy (which could also lead to these side effects) because of all that my doting fiance recommended I take a Buckley's Cold and Flu daytime dosage. I didn't disagree (forgetting about the Midol) and popped two gel caps... 

Now half way through Vampire Diaries (don't judge me) I start to zone in on Damon and his devilish good looks, I can't look away, my eyes are wide and my vision is blurry. Then apparently I don't move for a solid 30 minutes enthralled in the drama on the small screen. During the commercial break I just sit and stare. Richard constantly asks... Are you OK? And all I can do is giggle. This confused, focused feeling continues right through Jersey Shore (don't judge me). To add strength to my medicine head argument below is my Facebook Status update as of 10:23pm.

"Pain meds + cold meds + vitamins + hot dogs = you're awesome."

If that doesn't perfectly explain how I was feeling last night I don't know what would. We had Hot Dogs for dinner with KD... that's where the Hot Dog reference comes from, in case you were curious.

So yes... I am full believer in treatment, but my head isn't in the game. I also can't focus and I feel very scattered. Let's hope that works itself out, in the mean time I am going to go with 'no more cold meds'. I will just have to sniffle with pride.

DAY TWO of the fitness Challenge went well with a FULL on STEP class... Woo!

Love!

Pounds to Lose: 24

I need to organize my thoughts...

... bear with me. It might get confusing. I had TWO doctors appointments yesterday and got some very valuable information. First I met with my GP for a physical. Everything looks good and I fully cleared to make a baby. Yay! I have to start on the pre-natals, but I haven't picked them up yet. Not to get ahead of myself... I am not trying to make a baby for a few months, but he suggested I get the vitamins in my system and I agree.

Second I met with my naturopath, whom I adore. We talked about my weight gain, loss, struggles and successes. She is very concerned about my Thyroiditus which could mean I have an underlying auto immune disease, which is exactly what my doctor and the specialist said, only they didn't want to do anything about it. Nicole (my Naturo) suggested an herbal remedy to force the blood flow through my thyroid and hopefully clean it out. She explained it might help my meds work better and decrease the swelling; at this point I am game to try anything. I take 15 drops before breakfast and 15 before dinner. I have to continue this for 3 weeks and then we run the tests again.

She also pointed me down the detox path (as I was hoping she would) I start on Monday (after my martini themed Bridal Shower). It is the same detox I did this time last year and I feel good about it. I am prepared for the struggle and the frustrations, plus my food knowledge is tenfold compared to last time. The best part... Richard is going to detox with me. He has been feeling kind of crummy lately and knows he needs to do something about his diet, although the guy can eat garbage and still look amazing.

I am not going to write it all out again... its exactly the same as this. (and if you're curious about how it went last time check out this, this and this... yow!)

I am back on vitamins and protein shakes; Vitamin B and Rice Protein.

The trickiest part of this new regime is the timing. I have to take my Thyroid meds before breakfast and an hour away from any other meds. I have to take my drops before food, but away from my thyroid meds and I have to take my vitamins with food. (sidenote: How am I suppose to eat breakfast within 30 minutes of being awake? Which I heard is ideal) Its all a little jumbled, but I will get the hang of it. I am so excited to get started.

That's enough for today. Whewf!

Wish me luck.

Oh yea, I also entered the fitness challenge offered by Nicole. I have to do something physical everyday for 29 days (February) at the end of the month I have to submit my schedule and the winner will receive $100 of free product or services from Cornerstone Health Centre. Seems easy to me... I already hit the gym 6 days a week and on rest days I will convince Richard to walk with me.

Love!

PS - She finally did a FULL body analysis (I don't know why we didn't do one before). She determined my body fat percentage (35%) and my muscle percentage (I don't remember) she measured a number of things and was impressed by a few numbers in relationship to my work out schedule... its all in the numbers, and finally no one can call my bluff about working out. It felt good to know I was handling the fitness well and eating the right proteins. I know this is very vague, but she kept the little print out.

Pounds to Lose: 22