I often think about blogging, it's a very narsatistic way to feed my creative monster. It keeps my mind active and reminds me that I am more than Thomas's mother and Richards wife... Long before them I was just me, a writer. Splashing thoughts on to a page, yup I started writing BEFORE computers. I still can't spell and I have no idea where a comma actually belongs, but I've grown... being a mother and a wife has helped me grow.
First... Thomas is amazing and the perfect 'why' in my life... Why be active? Why be healthy? Why workout and count calories when I am exhausted and starving? For Thomas. To be around for as much of his life as possible, to roll around on the ground with, to play at the park with... to be the best Mum I can, which I don't think I could be if i spend the next 30 years trying to get healthy... I need to get healthy and get on with it.
Second... Richard. I always want him to want me, to be proud to call me his wife. I want his eyes to shine we he looks at me, now and 50 years from now. I want to be 85 years and still having SEX.
Third... and maybe the most important, Me. I need the piece of mind to know I am the best me I can be, to know I will dance with my son at his wedding and will rock my grand babies to sleep, to travel all over the world when I can really appreciate it. To never (again) waste a thought on 'does this make me look fat?', 'should I wear the spanx?', 'do you think I'll have to wear a swimsuit?' and 'please don't let me be the biggest girl there' (and maybe 'oh god is my ex going to be there?')
I don't want to diet and struggle forever, I need to sort it out NOW.
I'm also uber competitive and my mother, the cause and inspiration for all if this, is having gastric by-pass surgery this summer. It took her 61 years to get it together and she has missed so much because of her size... I want to be fit (or fitter) than her and I want to know I have learned from her struggles. Right now, she is filled with love for her new grandson, but she can't travel or walk very well, she can't manage the stairs or bend down and pick him up. She can't play with him or be alone with him and I can see the frustration that comes from the shackles of being obese. I will fix it now and enjoy the fuck out of the rest of my life.
So thank you Becky for checking my blog and giving me a high five on my progress.
As for me... I have 21 days left of my 90. I have lost just over 21lbs. I hit my birthday goal the week of my birthday (if only the 8th fell on Friday).
I am hoping for another 10lbs by the end, but would be ok with 6 or more.
I have another program lined up after this... a 50 day program called T25. I thrive in instructed environments with schedules and expectations.
You're going to have to wait till tomorrow for my pictures and measurements, but numbers aside, today I feel good.