Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Another 'New' Plan

skipping is the new running

I made a new plan, I feel reluctant to even share it as I always seem to have ‘a new plan’.

I like to over think things and complicate my existence (I’m working on it)... I was Isa Cleansing, Intermittent Fasting, Calorie Counting, Strength Training and hydrating, while training with the Couch 2 5K app. It’s a lot... and misguided.  

It was a plan for failure.

I can’t, I take failure so personally and so deeply it kills all my motivation.

First; I need a real goal (Yea, I want to lose 75 pounds and have a 6 pack, but baby steps team).
Second; I need a timeline (a short one, I’m like a dog and I ge—squirrel!)
Third; I need a reward (yes, I am a 5 year old who works for cookies).

GOAL: Be comfortable in my swimwear.
TIMELINE: 3 weeks
REWARD: Cuba with my girlfriends (which is happening even if I miss the Goal, but what a motivator).

Three weeks is manageable because it all fits on to a one page excel; easy to carry with me, easy to post on the fridge. This magical excel (yes, the one I bragged to Richard about and then forgot to take WITH me), has all of my meals and snacks, fasting windows and my workout (See? It is magic).
It’s only day two(*day one was a disaster), but I’m still with it.

I also issued a challenge to my Apple Watch friends (who are just as competitive as I am) to fill the rings EVERYDAY for the next 17 days.

So here we go again.

This was today's workout that was supposed to
be yesterdays workout**
*Because you know you want to know why: I set my alarm, laid out my clothes and prepped my shoes. I went to bed early and woke up every hour until 2am checking the time so I didn’t miss my alarm. I didn’t. I woke up, turned it off and went back to sleep. Hmpf. The real frustration this wasn’t out of laziness (maybe 5%) this was out of belief I had already run. (right?) I had a beautiful dream that I woke up, had an amazing run around downtown SC, I felt great. I came home, Richard had made me a tea and with time to spare I curled up in bed to relax before my morning chaos started (ie. The boys).  This didn’t happen, but when my alarm went off I was sure it had, so I went back to sleep. Feck. Then I had to skip my lunch weight routine/plan because sweet Thomas needed me and then after the boys went to bed all geared up I bragged to Richard about my plan and then left it on the desk and went to the gym with NO plan. I ran (with my app) for 3k and then I randomly picked up weights and grunted. Hmpf. I put in all the effort yesterday and it wasn’t my day.

** Try it for a prize!

Wednesday, January 31, 2018


I want to be better – a better me, a better mother, a better friend. Be Better has always been my motto. I like that open ended drive to growth. Apparently that is all that is wrong with my mental state.

In the past 12 months I have taken notice of my slipping mental state. I notice my anxiety around the everyday. I notice my aversion to germs and touching. I notice my sour state. Things that always seemed to be manageable stopped being manageable. I started to notice how much my ‘craziness’ was affecting my day to day adventures.

Being aware is a gift; aware there is a problem, aware that it is affecting me and those close to me, aware that there is help available to me.

It is my ability to be aware that allows me to find help.

That is strength, even if I doubt typing that. It doesn’t feel strong to admit to a weakness. It doesn’t feel strong to ask for help, but it is.

So in September I went to someone to talk about all of it, its taboo and I hid it from my friends. I attended sessions with a psychotherapist, calling them ‘Book Club’. Book Club taught me about myself, that I was naturally hard on myself and that I was doing ok. I still don’t believe it.

My mind is divided, the logical rational Melanie that knows things are good, I am ok-- and the paranoid little girl that reminds me constantly of what I am doing wrong or what could go wrong. This alone has prevented freedom and spontaneity, adding stress to my relationships.  

They argue. Some days logic wins, most days it doesn’t.

This constant dialogue fills my head 24 hours a day, leaving no time to live in the moment, no time to enjoy and plenty of anxiety to fill the gaps.

I thought ignorance was bliss; I ignored signs and tried to fix it myself, with a deep seeded fear in losing my mind. 

Now, why am I writing this post? Better, why am I finally sharing this post? It feels like the right day, when everyone is a little softer. A little more understanding.

My name is Melanie and I have high-functioning OCD. 

Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Doing my own thing.

Day one of my own personal hell bootcamp!

I have searched (since moving here) for somewhere to work out, somewhere with a group setting, support and class times that fit with my schedule. That is a tough order. I can’t workout in the AM; Richard is gone by 5:30am. I can’t workout between 8 and 11:30 or 1:30 and 6:30, because – work. I can’t workout between 6:30 and 8, that’s the only time I see my boys (and getting fit for them shouldn’t mean missing out on them). So... you see my dilemma, to complicate things, working out after 8pm sabotages my sleep and gets me all wound up!

I tried Cross Fit, Orange Theory, Bootcamps, Kickboxing, Trampoline and -- everything... nothing worked.

So...  I thought, I tried Cross Fit, Orange Theory, Bootcamps, Kickboxing, Trampoline, why not take everything I have learned and put together my own bootcamp, on my schedule!??!

I reinstated my Goodlife membership, on hold since September, and made a plan.

Some revisions to make to the plan!
Today was the first day, although I ambitiously wanted to start yesterday on a deep cleanse day. Nope. I went home and cried instead, because I am a girl... and sometimes we do that for no reason (at least not one we understand). 

I also had a Naturopath appointment* at lunch eliminating my one workout time slot for the day *thats an emotional post and I am still working on the courage to share.

Also the bonus to creating your own schedule is it is your own! So I moved day one to today and bingo bango we’re back in business!

I created a circuit with decreasing rows at the top. I added in 6 strength exercises, Upper body twice a week, Lower body once a week. This paired with Step on Saturdays (hence the lower body difference) and Hot Yoga on Sundays for a good stretch.

10 weeks. I have 10 weeks organized, planned, prepped and on the go. Once I complete 10 weeks, I’ll re-evaluate and schedule the next 10.

Today was learning... it was a new location for me so I wasn’t sure how easy the circuit would be to set-up. The Row machine (a crucial step according to OTF, Crossfit and Bootcamps) wasn’t anywhere near the weights, which added a step, but worked out.

Look at that effort! #beachbodyhereicome
Being the first also meant alterations we’re acceptable, good news is most adjustments were to add weight. I am stronger than I thought.

I had a HiiT run at the end with sprints, but I had to cut time and found treadmill running boring (I love the outdoors). So I turned on my Apptiv App* and did a Kelly Clarkson run for 18minutes, elevation change plus intervals and a wicked play list.

*Great App... highly recommend!

 It felt good to be home. Wish me luck on getting through the next 10 weeks. You are my accountability.


Ps - These posts need to be funnier. #lame