Tuesday, August 8, 2017

... but I do it anyways.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.

I am insane.

Before starting Isagenix and working on my clean eating, I would wake up with chest pain. I always attributed it to how I slept, but then we bought a new mattress. Some days were worse than others, but overall I had this heaviness in my chest every morning. I believe, 'hey I am fat, this is what fat feels like,' but its more than that.

Then I did Isa and it stopped, I didn't even notice that it had stopped until it happen again and I remembered the pain or the lack of it over the first 30 days of cleansing.

What the hell is going on?

I started to think it was something I was consuming, because it would come back without warning and linger for a day. I couldn't put my finger on it, my diet is pretty basic.

I went to my GP and they ran a battery of tests; blood, x-ray and ultrasound to find nothing wrong.

They chalked it up to Costochondritis; inflammation of the junctions where the upper ribs join the costal cartilage that attaches them to the breastbone (sternum). Costochondritis causes localized chest wall pain and tenderness that can be reproduced by pushing on the involved cartilage in the front of the rib cage. And suggested I take an Aleve every night before bed to bring down the swelling and prevent future pain. They didn't even acknowledge my thoughts on a food sensitivity.

So... I could take a drug forever or OR I could go on a quest to figure out what is wrong and fix it.

I am writing this post realizing you are looking for answers, well me too. I am currently searching for a naturopath to help with the riddle.

In the meantime, the insanity is surrounding my eating habits. I know it hurts when I eat crap, I don't know what kind of crap, but all crap. So don't eat crap is the easiest solution, right?! Well, why can't my brain work that out??

When I am faced with a dessert or delicious treat I have zero willpower... I eat and eat. At home I can keep it at bay as I don't bring it in to my home and surround myself with healthy options, but then I am out in public and deliciousness is presented and I gorge myself.

Case in point this weekend I got to go to the most delicious house I know; a talented smoker mans the grills with ribs, chicken, brisket and steak* and then there are desserts I can't refuse and appetizers and treats. This doesn't even include the wine I managed to avoid, despite my desire to liquidate my afternoon.

So I spend all of Monday struggling to breath because the chest pain was so intense, several times running from my children to throw up. It was gross, but I did it to myself. I knew my previous days consumption was not only going to tip the scale, but it was going to hurt. I jeopardized an entire day with my kids, my weight-loss progress and everything I have worked so hard for, for sugar.

Hmpf.

I am so disappointed with myself.

*These are not the culprits

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

The Healthy Fats

Argh.

Avocado.

Fat.

Olive Oil.

I know every diet is different. I know you need to find what works for your system, but listen - - I don't like fat; the good, the bad or the ugly. However... my body seems to react the best to healthy fats. Every time I edit my diet to include healthy fats the scale shifts. I just hate them.

Avocado tastes, smells and feels like mother natures boogers and we shouldn't eat boogers.

I'll make it work...

#boogers

Friday, July 21, 2017

Crossfit

I have spent the last 4 months working on my health. I focused first on my nutritional intake. I started Isagenix to regain control, up my energy levels and simply fix my broken diet. It worked. I lost 40 pounds and 60 inches. I slept better, I woke better and I kept up with the boys better. I felt better.

I didn’t feel good enough.

My News Years resolution is always to ‘be better’, there is always room for improvement.
I needed to improve my loss and hit loftier goals. I have another 45lbs to lose before the end of the year.

Motivation: I needed something to work towards. I entered the Isabody Challenge through Isagenix. It’s 16 weeks and comes with a $25,000 prize. The winner is chosen based on pictures, results and a 250 word essay. I can write an essay like a champ, I need to work on my pictures and results.

Method: Keep up with my nutritional goals/schedule, but add workouts – heavy, intense workouts.
Enter Crossfit. I have heard so many things about Crossfit, I have always been intimidated – by the workout and the cost. It is not cheap. I thought it could work, because it is scheduled gym time. It is a commitment. Twice I should have skipped, because the timing with the boys (and life) didn’t work out, but I didn’t because of the cost and the commitment. I am always glad I go, the owners at the gym are amazing and the vibe in the gym is everything I have always wanted. It is small and simply run; you come in, you work out, you go home.

BUT

It’s expensive and I am in the beginner program, which has a lot of talking and only a little doing. I am not a beginner. I have dug out 60 minutes from my insane schedule and I spend 30 of it, listening to amateur questions, relevant, but time consuming. I just want to do it. When the timer finally goes and we get to work, I kill it. Yesterday the trainer actually asked if I was melting, because of the amount of sweat pouring off of me. I had nothing left at the end of each interval, but I kept going. I am there to work, not talk.

I want to try a full Crossfit class, but the timing is terrible. The last class is at 6:30pm. Which means I barely get home and have to run out the door, I miss bedtime snuggles with Zac (actually I miss Zac entirely) and dinner routines, I miss movie time and outdoor fun. I miss the few hours I spend with the boys on a workday and that makes it tough to commit.

It’s even tougher to commit when I don’t see results. I feel stronger, but the scale hasn’t moved and the inches have actually climbed.

I have 2 more weeks to see something, feel something and to decide.