Woah!

I feel like I have a team... my stats were HUGE yesterday. I guess that means someone is reading this --> check out the poll!

I even drew a cartoon to illustrate the 'glee'... Weeeeeee!

I am on Day 11, its a slow road but I think it is working. I feel good. I look great (I think so anyways) and I am excited to keep going. I have nothing amazing to report today. Just sticking with it... excited about Step Class today and the sweat it includes.

Lots to write... at work.

Love!

So much to say!

I am feeling a lot better today. In fact, I can't find words to say how much better I am doing... I am looking forward to the gym and even had a pleasant conversation with the scale this morning.

 First... I took a few 'after' pictures over the weekend...

I think they turned our alright... and it helped that it was in the same mirror as my Sept 2010 'After' picture (see below). This is me after week one, before the great cheese invasion Saturday night *Blargh*.

I thought it might be time for a real after, not just one showing my bum ;)

I am back on this diet/shake thing, but off the expensive brand new shakes... I found the same ingredients, calories, protein and sugar in NutriSystem Chocolate shakes for $10. That works for me... and my body seems to like it.

So I am on Day 10 and feeling ok. I feel like this could be a lifestyle for me with room to breath. I could maintain this diet for the long term, and I intend too. I was already doing to the exercise part of it and everyone wins.

I do miss bagels and pineapple, but such is life.

** I can eat pineapple, but I only get 2 fruits a day and that is typically grapes in my salad, which I have to have or I get no where near consuming my 4 daily required 'oils'. My second fruit is strawberries and this week raspberries... Mmmm...

Other big news... my wedding is just over 9 months away and I finally feeling pretty good about it. I found a new cake maker, just as good... or better than our previous cake maker. She is even closer to us and won't charge delivery - WIN! We go and see her on the 7th of October for a little cake tasting. Yay!

My dress is being made and last night we found Richard's suit as well as the vest and tie for the boys.

I am meeting with my florist this week to figure out my bouquet and with Jan figure out centre pieces.

Sorry to switch to wedding blog, but its a lot of stress and directly related to my over all health.

We have figured out all the little details and are now working on the Stag & Doe, which should be a wicked party... and you're all invited! We're still sorting out the easy details, but I will keep you posted.

And exciting news, which is what pulled me our of my funk... not the present, but the thought that Richard knew what I needed... something just for me, something special and something with love and attention poured into it.

Last night Richard took me to dinner and once we were seated he disappeared to the bathroom. He returned with a Birks bag (Eeeee!) if we weren't engaged, I would have expected a ring. Inside was my very own special edition Danica Patrick Tissot.

Now before you go ga-ga... because it is stunning. The back story is we have been looking for this watch for 2 years (its the 2009 SE)... actively looking, calling the states, Europe and the Caribbean. Searching tirelessly online and finally accepting I was never going to find it. This watch just wasn't for sale. I had resigned to the fact I wasn't going to own a Tissot, because if I couldn't get the one I loved, I didn't want to spend the money on second choice.

Then last night, while browsing the Eaton Centre with Mom, Richard found it. In the 'bargain bin' at Birks... it was covered in discount stickers and reduced even further, but none of that mattered. He had found my watch and was buying it regardless.

This is my wedding gift from Richard... suppose to be delivered the morning of our wedding, but he simply couldn't wait and presented it to me last night at dinner. I still can't believe he found it.

Although it doesn't take presents to cheer me up... its the thought that he worked so hard to find it and was so excited to give it to me that picked me up and brushed me off. My big thank-you to him was a big help too *wink wink*.

All and all today I am good... I am feeling positive about my weight-loss, my wedding and my life. Let's up its a continuing trend.

Love!

I can't do this.

It feels impossible.

I can't lose weight and keep it off. I can't stick to a diet. I have a headache and I feel dizzy. I am still up from the weekend and I am bored. I need intellectual stimulation and I don't feel like I am getting it from anyone. I need a challenge, that isn't the same as every challenge. Lose weight. Get fit. Been there. Done that. Give me something to look forward to, work towards.

Yes, I have a wedding to 'look forward to' and a weight loss goal to 'work towards', but neither excites me. I am dreading my wedding day, because it won't be what I want... selfish? yes. But isn't the bride suppose to have her dream wedding??? Then why is everything a compromise with my groom and his mother. I never wanted a big expensive wedding, but now I am stuck paying for one... which I can't afford, because I have a job with no growth potential. There is no room to move or improve. This is it.

I would love to advance, but most of that takes schooling and time... time I don't feel like I have because of what I want in the future (yes I mean babies).

I am having an off day and I don't want to be here... I want to go to sleep and forget it all.

It doesn't help that I can't figure out my body and in all this effort to make it better I have mucked it up more... I used to maintain my weight with a few cheat days here and there, but I was happy. Now I can't consume dairy without ballooning up and spending days and hours re-working all my hard work.

I am sick of the gym and the same routine everyday (although I love my classes... I am bored). I am bored.

That;s it... I am sick of not making my own decisions anymore, but with a partnership I have to run everything by Richard, which feels more like asking for permission all the time... and getting declined even more of the time. I wish I had more say in my relationship and everything didn't have to be his way ALL the time, but it is easier than fighting over it.

ARGH!

I hate today.

That's all... I am going to spin, because I have too... not because I want to and I ate a cupcake... just a mini one, but I ate it.

Stupid Cupcake.

Day Eight (?)

It should be day eight... I should be celebrating success, but honestly it's like starting all over again. The weekends are hard, but manageable. Hopefully next weekend, with less going on, will be easier.

I have to venture in to the world of health food stores tonight to get more of my shakes, which should be finished up in 2 days. I am not ready for this effort to be over, so I will continue. It worked the first time (the first week) it will work again.

I made it down to the gym this afternoon and hit up the elliptical. I am still sore from last week, but I managed a 50minute work-out and a 700 calorie burn - Woo!

Hopefully I can go home tonight and eat some good food and fall quickly asleep. I am exhausted after VERY vivid dreams last night.

Love!

What a weekend!

Let's start with the health related side of things... I gained 12 pounds and hit my highest weight in 9 months. I don't get it either. Yes, I drank enough water, got enough sleep and continued drinking my shakes. I did cheat on this diet, but barely... considering it is very non-restrictive.

I thought after a good nights sleep and a lot of water it would fall back down, but it didn't and this morning I am up 6 pounds from Friday... WTF?!

I don't understand how my body works... I just don't get it.

That's the difficulty with weekends... there is no structure and watching portions isn't easy when it is finger food, plus and possibly the worst, I think I am actually completely unable to eat diary and Liz puts cheese in EVERYTHING. Normally that is a bonus, but I need to be stricter... the aftermath isn't worth the enjoyment.

So good bye cheese... ice cream... butter... yogurt... milk chocolate...  *sniff*

I am hoping this week goes well. I am almost out of shake and I need to find more, because I need to make a change and last week went well until the weekend.

Wish me luck!

Love!

Still Day Five

And the hardest day yet.

First - I have a 'barely-lunch' which means I barely made a lunch, because night-time-Melanie is lazy and doesn't think about day-time-Melanie and her hunger.

Second - I am crampy.

Third - I did the Kickboxing class with Christine today. I thought it would be a nice way to ease off the week, but with no equipment I didn't think it would be a sweaty work-out. I was wrong. I am aching all over... I sweat more in that class than any step class... I could have done a step class in a hot yoga studio and STILL not sweat that much. In fact, we were so worked up the mirrors steamed up.

Fourth - I have to go to the in-laws tonight for a slumber party.

Fifth - I hate slumber parties.

AND all I want is a chocolate bar.

Wish me luck this weekend... and send me your strong vibes, it ain't going to be easy.

PMS+Mother-in-Law+BBQ = FAILED DIET

Love!

Day Five!

I made it to Day Five.

RECAP DAY FOUR: I shifted my diet, but still hit all my targets... sort of. I missed my afternoon snack, because I was busy. So I had no nuts (hehe). I did a wicked Step Class with Assata. She is a ball of energy and hilarious in class. I was sweating more than I ever had in my life and think my headache in the evening was from over exertion. I drank a lot of water, but not enough. I woke up feeling dehydrated.

Whewf!! The only thing I have really noticed is sleep. I have trouble sleeping, which is confusing. I am eating better and in better shape. I think I might have more energy than my body knows what to do with... I hope it sorts itself out, because I am tired.

I made it through 5 days of dieting and as a result I am down 5 pounds. Weeee! And smaller than ever before (although not lighter *sigh*). I think I am going to stick to this for a little longer... see where I can get.

I am nervous about this weekend... its the annual family BBQ (and friends... you should come!) I know it will be hard to stick to it and remember my portions, but I am going to do my best. I am also 5 days with dairy and I hate how good I feel. I will miss Ice Cream and Cheese, but I feel good.

Another downside to dropping weight... my pants don't fit. They are falling off of me. Not that I am complaining.

I am going to attempt the kick-boxing class today at lunch.

Wish me luck!

Love!

Day Four!

Blogging is keeping me on track, but I still don't like this.

Day Three RECAP: I had a busy day, which is always ideal. I had to force myself to stop for afternoon snack (1/2 celery and 1 tsp. nut butter). I did make it down to the gym BUT I missed Muscle Up... instead I did intervals on the elliptical and joined the abs class (which was great and I am sore). I got home, without headache, but craved bread in a way that was so intense I considered chewing off my arm. It didn't help that Richard was making pizza for dinner... that smelled incredible! I never knew frozen pizza could be so amazing (I am drooling even now). I was having potatoes and eggs. Now, for honesty... I did cheat. I had a bite of pizza. It was amazing... and in an effort not to take it any further. I went for a walk (in the rain) and came home with freezies. The perfect cheat.

As for today... I am out of salad, so I am having a re-heated dinner of Chicken, sweet potatoes and broccoli for lunch. I have no idea what I am going to have for dinner, but I need a protein, 4 oils and 3 veggies.

I am excited about step class today and hopefully I make it down in time. I am working with a trainee right now and its tough to sneak away.

I weighed in and I am down 4.5 pounds since starting this thing... I am hoping for another 5 ounces by tomorrow. I think it is feasible.

Wish me luck.

Love!

Day Three

Ok, I don't like this. All I want is a sandwich.

DAY TWO RECAP: I stuck to the diet... consumed just over 1100 calories without cheating, although I did increase my chicken by an ounce. I hit the gym for a spin class, despite feeling drained and it felt good to work up a sweat. I did suffer a terrible migraine most of the afternoon into the evening. I think it had a lot to do with my workout. I felt better after dinner and a nap.

As above, I don't like this. I want a burger, I want ice cream and I want a sandwich. The hardest part is wrapping my head around the lifetime change. This isn't a 3-week detox that I can see an end too... this is a change and I need to stick to, but I wonder every minute 'Will I ever get to taste the sweet nectar of an oven roasted turkey sandwich with sharp cheddar and mayo on an onion bun??"

Its for a cause and its working... despite a gain over night. I am up a pound, but still down 3 from the weekend so I can't complain and its natural to have daily flucuations.

I am heading to the gym today at lunch, but I'm not sure what I will be doing... typically Wednesday is weights, but I don't have the drive for weights... I might hit up the elliptical for some cardio, but that feels like slacking.

Oh well... I am off today. I am feeling down about the wedding planning and my lack of support.

Hmpf!

DAY Two!

I survived day one!

Quick RECAP: I forgot my shake stuff for my afternoon shake, so I had it as soon as I got home (around 5:30). I am getting used to the slimy-grainy grossness. I did make it to the gym, but did a simple 45 minutes on the elliptical with my book (burned 600 calories). My daily calories were 1109... I had to force myself to eat the strawberries allotted for my evening snack. I didn't consume all of my 'oils', which I doubt I ever will. Dinner was good... nothing strange, but I learned one chicken breast is THREE portions! I did cheat while watching Hell's Kitchen Finale (stupid, Elise) with a freezie, but figured that wasn't the worst thing and it was good. PLUS I split it with Richard... so I don't feel guilty.

Day Two... I am realizing this 'MFE' is not about cutting calories or adding supplements. I think my doctor puts me on these programs (detox and this) to teach me in the karate kid way... less of a direct lesson. This program is teaching me about portion control. It's less restrictive than the detox, which taught me about 'bad' foods... including dairy and wheat (or excluding... hmm??) I am prepared to take this lesson and enjoy it. I stepped on the scale this morning down 4 pounds... how is that possible? I don't know, but after several attempts it still read the same.

I packed the same lunch as yesterday, despite the boys complaints (apparently my co-workers don't like the smell of oil & vinegar). I also have the same dinner planned for tonight... but that's only because of the MASSIVE chicken breast I made last night that needs to be consumed.

I will be heading to Spin Class at noon today and I hope it goes well. I am feeling a little drained and a little dizzy after my handful of vitamins this morning.

Wish me luck.

Love!

Day One.

I probably shouldn't report on day one just yet... its only 7:45am, but I already have some opinions.

First - The 'shakes' are not creamy and delicious as promised. They are slimy and grainy.

Second - I forgot I needed a second shake around 3p and left the powder at home.

Third - I had, almost, an instant headache upon completion.

Fourth - I am hungry.

Fifth - Of course, this silly diet (much like Weight Watchers point system) will work; after logging ALL of my allowances for the day, I am at 1009 calories intake. I still have to hit the gym. I don't feel like a diet at this calorie level is healthy, but I do believe I will lose weight and inches on it, because I am not eating much of anything. Granted I am allowed unlimited 'category 1' vegetables... which include exactly what you would expect; lettuce, broccoli, celery etc.

I have a better understanding of the system now... I spent a lot of the weekend (and most of last night) prepping for my week.

I am allowed (have to consume)...

1 - Legume

1 - Category 2 Veggie

2 - Proteins (3oz each, no red meat)
4 - Oils (odd? yes.)
2 - Fruits (15 grapes)
1 - grain (limited by my wheat intolerance)
1 - nut
Unlimited - Category 1 Veggie
2 - 'shakes'

I can have unlimited caffeine-free liquids, but I typically only drink water and green tea (which I opted to keep caffeine in my tea, because my fav flavor doesn't come 'free')

I am feeling a little rebellious about this whole 'diet' thing, but I will stick to the 'diet' for 10 days (when my shakes run out) and decide then if I want to continue. The shake powder is quite pricey for what it is and I am not sure I want to buy it... on my credit card. Its only purpose is to increase my protein and level out my blood sugars, which will hopefully prevent snacking and eliminate cravings, we'll just have to see about that.

I weighed in this morning after an amazing PRE-diet weekend (probably my favorite days, because nothing is off limit) and I have 14pounds to lose with this 'shake' 'diet'... lol

Last time I worked with Nicole (detoxing) I lost 20lbs in 6 weeks and kept it off... let's hope this 'diet' is similar. I hate that word... let's call it a 'Melanie's Food Evolution' or MFE for short.

The word diet is SO cliche and much like the start of this weight loss venture using buzz words; 'diet', 'weight-loss' etc. implies I have something to lose, when that last thing I want to admit to people is that I have a problem.

But, alas... I do have a problem. I am addicted to food. I say this with complete conviction. I say this without humor and funny words like 'foodie'. I have a problem and I need to get it under control before I try to be a mother.

Wish me luck... I am already hungry and it's 7:58am.

Argh!

PS - below is my salad bowl of pills/vitamins/supplements... I feel like a lab rat!

2 white ones in the morning with food
1 yellow one in the morning without food
1 black one twice a day with food
2 round ones after breakfast with or without food
1 blue one in the morning on an empty stomach
confused yet?

Meeting with Nicole

Last night I met with Nicole. I knew she was going to challenge me again. I knew I wasn't going to walk out of the office empty handed, and much like my first meeting, I considered cancelling.

She was right the first we met and helped me lose 20 pounds and keep it off. I changed my eating lifestyle based on things I learned from her. I trust her.

As for this new 'diet'... I don't trust it. I never wanted to be on a diet. Teach me to eat well and teach me about food and I will use that knowledge to help myself. Nicole did attempt to 're-detox' me, but I refused. I said living with Richard (who is incredibly supportive) and cooking only for the 2 of us, I wasn't prepared to make 2 dinners every night to accommodate a strict detox. I told her I knew I would slip. She had another option... I less restrictive diet. Honestly though, I am struggling with the entire concept, because it is a diet. My calories are cut to 1300 a day and I can't eat anything processed. This is not something I can easily maintain for the rest of my life. I feel like it is unrealistic, but I trust her and I Monday I will start this new regime. This time she did not give me a timeline. She left it open depending on how I feel. She might believe I will keep this life, but veggies aren't my thing and I will never be satisfied on a Vegetarian diet. I also question the success of the product I am using, mainly because this program is 5 workouts a week, eating 1300 calories a day... without any supervision or supplements I will lose weight like that. I also feel like I am capable of losing weight like that, but that it is not healthy... I need more calories especially with a high-impact workout schedule and lots of cardio (My preferred workout method).

I also understand that what I am doing right now isn't working so I have to change, but I'm just not thrilled about another diet. And expensive, time consuming diet... I am already feeling overwhelmed with life and planning a wedding.

Nicole doesn't let me make excuses, which is good... but knowing what I am capable of and realizing it is also personal growth.

So... in this long winded pity party, I have agreed to 2 weeks of this 'diet', but I don't know how much I believe in the product.

**I have not mentioned the product, because I don't want to be associated with something until I better understand it, and like it.

Wish me luck (and Richard too as I start to give up sugar).

Love!

Woah!

I just need a minute... please Assata, give me a minute.

She was amazing!

Assata and I were introduced this afternoon, I am thrilled to meet her... but she is INSANE! So I was sad about Angela's departure... fearing I would never step again, but today I sampled the new girl and let me tell you, there is nothing 'new' about her. This girl knows her step class and appears to have a dance background.

She was ALL over the place with springs in her shoes. She was so amazing, funny, considerate and motivating. I think I am in love and I am currently scanning the schedule to see when I can next take her punishment.

I have an appointment with Nicole tonight (my Naturopath). I haven't seen her since the spring and as much as I am excited to get back on track, I am nervous to admit to her I slipped without supervision. Granted I didn't gain, so that is a little win, but I definetly did NOT lose. I had a great summer and I have NO regrets.

Wish me luck tonight!  And tomorrow as I take on Kick-Boxing with Christine.

Love!

I got spunned!

Spin today was awesome! I love Kerry... not only is she a wicked spin teacher, but she is the biggest advocate of weddings and LOVES to talk about mine every time I see her. I love it.

In less than 24hours my wedding dress will be on its way to being made... I meet with the dress maker is tomorrow at lunch and I am SO excited!

I am still sweaty... Ew.

Love!

I have Twitter... but I don't know how it works.

This should take you to me... ME... on twitter.

You can enjoy my ramblings... much like this blog they will rarely be serious, but always emotional. Should be stuff like wedding non-sense AND fitness stuff. It's a vivid parade inside my head and I want to share... then maybe I won't hoard all the crazy.

As for fitness... nothing. I have nothing to tell you. I ate, drank and watch people get married on the weekend. It was amazing and I am so glad we (Richard and I) got to participate. To be honest... it scared the beejebus out of me... I too, have a wedding in the future and I won't be nearly as calm as the beautiful Cassy was (and frankly always is).

I did make it down to the gym this afternoon to try and work off the 7 pounds I gained over the weekend... yes SEVEN! I hit up the Elliptical and with a good book lasted almost and hour. It's amazing what good writing can do... I mean authors/writers should be held in the highest regard, made millionaires and worshipped... but I might be a little bias.

Ok... rambling complete.

I need to do something to quick start this weight loss effort, but the M&M peanuts speak louder than my conscious and my will power... blasted little chocolate covered balls of yummy. These almonds (my current snack) pale in comparison and are honestly as disappointing as... [insert sexual reference].

Ok... focus... fitness. Yes, that's what I mean to discuss... fitness is good. I *heart* fitness.

Over and out!

Love!

I love the gym!

I actually love the gym... I feel so happy and comfortable at the gym, in my sweaty gym clothes. Weird, right? Its the only time during the day I don't feel self conscious or insecure... in fact, I feel comfortable and in control when I am red faced and sweaty... I might even say sexy. That's why most evening you will find me floating around in Lululemon sweats... I love the way they let my body... ummm... fall? sit? Not sure which, but I am unrestricted by belts, waistbands and materials that don't give.

In fact, I am going to splurge and get myself another pair of Lulu's for Christmas.

That's it for today... I did a spin class with Leslie-Ann and my head is spinning. I won't be heading to the gym tomorrow... first week without step class in months, but I have lots to do on my lunch break, because I have a wedding this weekend!
Yay!

Love!

Barf!

That's how I feel today (and most of yesterday)... my stomach is all weird. Yes, it is full of FAT from a lazy weekend... I feel like this...

... but even more so it was weird, because it wouldn't digest. I felt full and bloated for 3 days! I did gain almost 4 pounds over the weekend and a side from the chocolate M&Ms I don't know why. I had a migraine most of yesterday and I am hoping today goes smoother although I already feel nauseous. Don't jump to the 'OMG-SHES-PREGO' conclusion so quickly... I started new vitamins, that may (or may not) be screwing with my system, while it adjusts to the new found nutrients... we'll see.

So it's Tuesday and I am heading to spin class at noon, I hope I can shake off this bloated gross feeling soon... It is NOT motivating me to do anything aside from sleep and eat M&Ms.

How was your long weekend??

Love!

Let them eat ribs!

I am getting ready to pack it in and head to RIBFEST! What a great introduction to the last long weekend! Richard and I are going to take the bikes to the waterfront (better parking) and make an afternoon of it. Yay!

Needless to say I am NOT going to the gym today, but I am unbelievably sore from the last two days so I don't feel bad. I will have time this weekend to run.

I think I might have pulled a muscle in my shoulder... its unbelievably (word of the day;) sore right now... even typing hurts. The sharp pain runs into my neck and I think a day off.

Ok... I am justifying my excuses, but whatever... I'm not getting anywhere when I work at it so let's try something else... not caring.

Have fun!

Love!