Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Who's a slacker?!?!

I am SO wrapped up in WEDDING and CHRISTMAS stuff I keep forgetting to write. I also weighed out working-out vs. writing about working out. I thought it was better to work up a sweat at the gym and NOT write than to write and NOT sweat. I think most of you would agree with me.

I thought maybe its time for another BEFORE and AFTER picture... I also just had some VERY nice pictures taken at the Christmas party... Enjoy! (weird thought... my AFTER picture will be my BEFORE picture this time next year...)

I also wrote because I just got back from a very FUN and unco-ordinated STEP class. I had NO idea what I was doing and swung my arms around as much as possible laughing at myself.

Picture it... go ahead and laugh!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

New Resolution 20-11!!

Yup! It's that time.

First... I am not giving up on 2010. I just know my limits. I am going to continue at the gym and try my best to maintain (and lose) for the remaining weeks of this year...

...BUT I am ready to set my goal for 2011. I am happy with my loss even though I wish it was more. 35 pounds is worth celebrating. Even with TWO vacations and an engagement I still managed to loose 35 pounds and keep it off... that is a success!

As for 20-11... I am hoping to do it ALL over again.

My goal for 2011 is to loose another 35 pounds. I have less hurdles this year... there will be NO vacations, NO excuses and NO reason I can't walk down the aisle in a size 9.

I am NOT going to weigh for the remainder of the year. I am going to hope I loose another couple pounds, but I'm not going to be upset if I don't.

I will start the New Year fresh and ready to go hard! I am considering some help too. I can exercise... we all know I love the gym and I LOVE working up a good sweat. What I need to work on is nutrition. I am hoping to join a program that will teach me how to eat healthy and be full. That way I make a lifestyle change not just maintain a diet.

I have 3 weeks left to enjoy...


The Holiday week!

Only 10 days! 10 days until the celebrating is over... 10 days until the food stops and I can go back to loosing weight!

I am still making it to the gym 3 times a week, but its not working. My routine just can't compete with the baking, drinking and eating that is happening this month.

Sorry I have been slacking on the posts.

It's busy and I think I am disappointed in myself. As of today there is NO way I will hit my goal of 200. I know I can get to it eventually. I also know loosing 35 pounds is impressive, but not what i was hoping for. I am still calorie counting and working out, but there is nothing I can do about my slow metabolism.

Oh well.

Happy Holidays!


PS - For my latest slip visit whosgettingmarried.blogspot.com.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Finally Friday!

Woo Hoo!!

I feel like poo - hoo! Ha!

Can you tell I am high on life right now?? Just finished a KILLER work-out with Christine. She really gets you going and seems genuinely concerned with your skill. She remembers things I feel like I need to impress her.

I ache all over. Boot Camp is tough... I needed to do it though. I am slacking this week with meetings all week. I need to maintain 3 times a week to keep to my schedule.

Not that I am giving myself slack, but I did start this change the first week of February. So if I can hit my goal before February I am ok with that... as long as I hit it.

Gotta run, still getting SMOKED at work.


Ps - Have a good weekend... avoid the treats, someone has to and it's not going to be me!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

It's only Wednesday?!

There are a few days in one... its only Wednesday. I feel like its Friday, maybe because I am exhausted... or maybe because it has been busy enough for an entire week. 

I have Spinning to report... Erin was teaching yesterday. She is tough, but that's why I go. I think about that at every work-out. I am here to loose weight and get in shape. If I am here, shouldn't I be pushing as hard as I can? And if I don't intend to push it... why am I wasting my time???

I didn't waste anytime yesterday and my legs are a little wobbly today.

I am not getting to the gym today :( I had an early morning breakfast meeting and just don't have the time to break away. I am still trying to figure out how to get to the gym tomorrow. I have another meeting... stupid holiday meetings. lol

I will do my best to keep you up to date.

Check out my wedding blog for why I am so busy ;)


Pounds to loose: 13(-7) - Body Fat: -.5% - Inches Lost: -3.5 - Push Ups: 0

Monday, December 6, 2010

Did I ever...

....Fall off the wagon this weekend! Damn Christmas and it's temptations. I went to a buffet to celebrate with family. I was good... then we went back to Aunt Phyl's place for 'snacks and yaks' that's where I crumbled. These Peanut Butter Marshmallow squares can't be stopped... I had to have them. Its only once a year and I need to power through the goodness!

Damn the goodness!

I did run today... for 40minutes. Woo! It wasn't enough and I didn't have the time, but my poor little over loaded, sugar filled brain was likely to explode if I didn't go for a run. Did I mention I hate Christmas?

Oh well... another day and I am BACK ON TRACK. 1200 calories today... and a run. I should see a good number on the scale in the morning.

I hope so.

Shortbread baking commenced last night and... it's not good and by NOT GOOD I mean VERY VERY VERY delicious.

Pounds to loose: 17(-3) - Body Fat: -.5% - Inches Lost: -3.5 - Push Ups: 0

Friday, December 3, 2010


Step: 45minutes

Hmmm... I am left pondering if it was worth it. I went to step class. I was FULLY prepared to stay for the hour. I had even gone to work to accommodate the extended lunch break. Then it all fell apart. Angela is off sick (like everyone else in my office) and Anissa taught the class.

I like Anissa, but there are things I don't like. She is incredibly fit so I trust her knowledge, but she is TOO perky and happy. It's uncomfortable. She also has TOO much energy. She was bouncing ALL over the place. I couldn't keep up and just as I would understand a combo she would change it.

I worked up a good sweat and had a little bit of fun, but called it a day after 45minutes.

I also weighed in this morning... not great news, but it is that time of the month so I can't be that upset. I feel good and that is all that really matters.

I am still on track to hit my goal, but I am going to have to be VERY careful the next couple weeks.

Wish my luck.


Thursday, December 2, 2010

Thursday Morning...

What you don't know (because this is my first holiday with the blog, not because of your lack of intelligence... in fact, I think you are the smartest of the bunch... you do, after all read my blog. That's a wise decision. Anyways... ) is I am a scrooge. Yes... sadly I despise the holidays.

I don't like the forced socialization, the expectation of cheeriness and the wasted money on things I don't need... or YOU don't need. I think its all a scam. It not only empties my bank account, because I can't possibly be consider cheap and I hate getting presents when I have nothing to give, but it expands my waste line. There is SO much temptation and extra eating over the holidays. I know, where's my will power???

I just saw a great article and actually found it VERY helpful. Not one of those... 'just don't do it' suggestions.

I have step class today... I am going to try and tough it out for the entire class, but I have my doubts. I have a wicked headache and honestly i am just NOT in the mood.

Christmas (or holiday) season puts me in such a MOOD! And before you right me off as a spoiled brat. I have my reasons for hating it.

When I was a kid... my parents did Christmas HUGE! We didn't get presents any other time of the year so our Christmas was over the top. My family would spend the entire day opening presents and building things. Mum and Nana would be in the kitchen and the house was full of love. We would spend most of December decorating and shopping. Christmas Eve we would go to my Aunt's house and have a BIG dinner and celebrate into the night. We would get new PJs and go home to bed after leaving cookies for Santa. It was magical and exciting.

Then my parents divorced.

Suddenly Christmas was a BIG hectic event to plan and schedule. We were carted ALL over the place and dragged out of events to accommodate another parents request. My Dad's family didn't support the divorce and we weren't invited to Christmas Eve at their house anymore. My Dad barely made time for us and Mum was working so much to simply keep a roof over our heads, but she still wanted the magic of Christmas and went into debt EVERY year to buy stuff we didn't need, but to try and make so we didn't lose anything. Then January was spent picking up the pieces. The holidays stopped being fun, magical and relaxing and suddenly it all wasn't worth it.

My Nana passed away and Christmas died. That was it... nothing to look forward to. No big dinner or celebrations. We were into our teens by then and it went unnoticed. At 15 I asked my Mum to stop the charade of Christmas. I asked her to stop buying presents and just enjoy the time with us, but even that was hectic, because of her work schedule and my Dad's demands.

Things fell apart and now at 27 I feel the same way... I spend most of the holidays driving. I have to go to my Mums and my Brothers, My Dads and his family. We have to schedule Richards massive family and try to have time for our friends.

So you see I am not a terrible person, but a person too busy and broke to enjoy.

And I just found out all the computers just crashed at work... so, I have to go clean up that mess.


Pounds to loose: 14(-6) - Body Fat: -.5% - Inches Lost: -3.5 - Push Ups: 0

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I made it!

I made it into the ELITE 15!! Barely! I think that is awesome. I have NO idea what it means, but I did it! Woo!

I did Muscle Up with Anissa today... my arms are sore, but it was a nice break from cardio.

Crazy busy at work... can't stay long, but I did start a new BLOG... all about weddings, superficiality MY wedding. Check it out whosgettingmarried.blogspot.com.


Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Spinning... on the NEW bike!

Spinning: 45 minutes

I spun today... it was a great ride. I love Kerrie's class. I managed to score a NEW bike this class and was completely disappointed. It was too 'grippy' and clicked as I rode. The seat was awkward and uncomfortable. I am sure it was simply adjusting to something new, but I didn't like it. I was also scooted up to the front of class... which I don't like. I like mid row... I can see everything and am NOT sticking my arse in everyone's face!

I am excited to say I am still on track, despite the appearance of a monthly visitor. Wish me LUCK!

I have to zip away... I am looking forward to coffee with an old friend tonight. It's time for a little re-connecting.


Tuesday... where does time go?!

I can't believe how long its been.

This is my life lately...

I am exhausted. Celebrating is tiring work. That paired with regular gym session and being conscious of my diet... I am sleeping most of the time.

I am sorry my slight effort...

Things have been going well. I am in a routine I can work with and have been making it to the gym at least 4 times a week. I have also dropped to PRE cruise weight and I am pretty excited about it. I don't think my GOAL is in reach, but I am going to get pretty damn close!!

Things are about to let up at work and then I will be back in FULL force.

Pounds to loose: 14(-6) - Body Fat: -.5% - Inches Lost: -3.5 - Push Ups: 0

Wednesday, November 24, 2010


Spinning: 45minutes

Yup! Back on the bike and I hate it! My bum hurts and I can't keep up! Today was NO better... I haven't been in Leslie-Ann's class in months. I opted for muscle work and needed a change, but today I needed cardio and I got it.

My gym is also doing upgrades... we got 5 new bikes! I didn't make it on one, but I drooled over them as I rode. I am just glad I made it to the gym... its CHAOTIC in here right now and I was lucky to sneak away.

Ok... this post is ALL over the place.

It should read "I went to the gym - I hated it and loved it. Thank you."

I will leave it with that.


Pounds to loose: 12(-8) - Body Fat: -.5% - Inches Lost: -3.5 - Push Ups: 0

Monday, November 22, 2010

MONDAY - 6 weeks to go!

Running: 35minutes

What a whirl wind week. I am glad to be back on schedule and happy to report I stayed on track with my weight loss and still have a chance (although slim, no pun intended, one) of making my new years resolution. I feel more determined now, because I have a dress to squeeze into… not literally. I didn't run out and buy a dress 4 days after getting engaged, but the shear idea of standing in front of my friends and family is motivation enough to work harder, longer and more wisely.

I also celebrated a VERY special birthday with one of my favorite girlfriends… we welcomed her to 27 and met her new beau over dinner. I had an amazing spinach salad, with pomegranate vinaigrette, champagne strawberries and goat cheese. It was very yummy and left enough room for celebratory dessert… Mmm… sticky toffee pudding! I know it’s a NO NO, but I never have it and it is BY FAR my fav dessert. I ordered the bite sized version and enjoyed EVERY bite!

I am back at the gym today and most of the week. I have a luncheon tomorrow and family stuff on Friday, but I get there as often as I can. Actually this Friday (with Richard) I am making the 3 hour drive to my Mums. She already knows, but I haven't shared anything with my brother or his kids yet. They are going to go CRAZY! Solstice is only 9, but LOVES weddings! I opted not to tell them on the phone and make them wait to be able to see their faces. My little nephew is 3 and going to be my ring bearer. We're going to spend the night and enjoy sometime with MY family. Lately I have been feeling a little overwhelmed with his family. They are loving and wonderful, thoughtful and considerate, but there are SO MANY of them. I also want to make sure my single mother feels as apart of everything as everyone else. She was incredibly difficult on her growing up… don't look surprised. I want her to enjoy this day and this process with me and my groom to be.

Ok… going off on a wedding rant there. Sorry. I have 292 days to drop 30 pounds. Saying it like that seems VERY obtainable.

Wish me luck.

To bring it back to fitness… Running went well today. I could only spare 45minutes (including changing and travel time), but I used it wisely and ran intervals for 35 minutes. It felt good. I love Monday runs. I have had 2 days off and my body is ready to go. I feel refreshed and on track.

Oh yea, I don't have measurements from Friday. Richard caught me doing them and tried to help… it didn't go well, at least not for my measuring. It was fun otherwise… lol

PS - Below is a picture… just in case you're curious. Please excuse my messy look, I was frazzled.

Friday, November 19, 2010


Muscle Up: 35minutes
Step Up: 45minutes

Ok... so I have been notably absent. I'm sorry.

Above is the work-outs. I have still been going to the gym despite my clear exhaustion!

Now I think I have good reason, this week Richard and I have made every attempt to see everyone important to us because...


Yup! It happened on Tuesday night... its been a blur of celebrating. We finally told the best man last night, so its safe to share it here. It was important to us that EVERYONE found out directly from us.

Yay! I am more excited than I am exhausted... ha! And on the fitness front... I have kept up my gym visits and calorie count.

Now... shower me with congrats... hehe


Pounds to loose: 14(-6) - Body Fat: -0% - Inches Lost: -3.5 - Push Ups: 0

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Spinning... the return!

Spinning: 45minutes
Calories: 740

Wow! I didn't think it had been that long since I spun, but I couldn't keep up. I was panting and praying for class to end. My legs were burning and things were fuzzy. I couldn't get the water into my system fast enough.

I am thrilled at the work-out, but disappointed what after almost a year of going to spinning I STILL can't keep up. ARGH!

Oh well... its just another challenge. Like my small one for the end of November... to be under 10 again. That way I have a chance of hitting my one year goal. ARGH!

I also learned two things about myself... I love TUNA and I love PEANUT BUTTER. Both of which I can't seem to get enough of.

Another day is almost done. I am doing great with not snacking and I am proud of my progress.

I have muscles tomorrow and push-ups tonight.

I also learned that my entire life is better when the scale is dropping... I am SO miserable when I weigh more. It's odd how connected to my everyday life is. Let's keep dropping and get somewhere!


PS - I am 8 days into the month. I need to go to the gym 8 more times to be ELITE... can I do it?! Hope so!
Pounds to loose: 14(-6) - Body Fat: -0% - Inches Lost: -3.5 - Push Ups: 0

Monday, November 15, 2010

7 weeks LEFT!

Elliptical: 10minutes
Running: 35minutes

Day One of Week Three for push-ups. I failed at my exhaustion test and they through me back into week One. Fine, by me... I went from doing 60 push-ups (5 reps) to doing 45 push-ups (5 reps. As long as I stick with it I don't care how long it takes me.

I had a good weekend. I was really proud of myself. I logged everything and even without exercise I didn't go over my daily calorie allowance. I even planned out my meals. I was really on top of things.

I was rewarded with VERY little gain over the weekend. I hope I am still on track for my goal. I have 16 pounds to loose by New Years... 7 weeks away! Ah!

I started today on the elliptical, not by choice. I started late and all the treadmills were taken. I spent 10 minutes going backwards (different muscle groups) before a treadmill freed up. Then I ran... go me! I ran my first mile in under 12 minutes, my second mile too! It felt good. I feel good.

Let's hope things stay this positive for the week.

I have 5 available lunch hours for the gym. Speaking of the gym... there is another reward level. It's the 'Elite'. I want to be the 'Elite'. In order to do so I have to go to the gym 16 times or more a month. Sounds easy... but in a month with 4 weeks, like November. I have to go 4 times a week. The first two weeks I missed two days a week because of meetings. That means for the last two weeks (this week and next) I have to go 5 times to accomplish this. Ah!

I am good this week... let's hope it stays that way.

Sorry no cartoon... its holiday season and its busy!

Pounds to loose: 16(-4) - Body Fat: -0% - Inches Lost: -3.5 - Push Ups: 45

Friday, November 12, 2010

Boot Camp!

This is how it looked. Complete sweaty chaos! It was a great lead into the weekend!

Have a good one!


Pounds to loose: 15(-0) - Body Fat: -0% - Inches Lost: -3.5 - Push Ups: 0

Banana Bread

I want to share a recipe... I learned it a few years ago from Mary Jane. It's a Banana Bread recipe with no eggs, which is convenient because I never seem to have eggs at home. It bakes up yummy and I made it last night... so it's fresh in my mind (and in my belly).

2 Large Ripe Bananas (or 3 medium)
1 Cup of Sugar
1 1/2 Cups of Flour
1 tsp Salt
1 tsp Baking Soda
3 tbls of melted Butter

Mush up the Banana's and add the dry ingredients. Pour into a greased loaf pan and bake at 325 for an hour.

That's it.

I typically top with a cinnamon/sugar combination, but you don't have to.

I have also turned this into a yummy cookie recipe by increasing the flour. They bake up perfect and make a great snack.

The downside... the calories - 222 for 1/8 a loaf. I am sure it can be revised to be more diet friendly, but I have to figure out how.

Until then... indulge and enjoy.


Thursday, November 11, 2010

Last night and Today

Run: 45minutes
Step Class: 60 minutes

I feel like i haven't been giving you my best work. I haven't been myself lately and as they adjust my medication I feel less and less like myself.

I tried to adjust my formatting to allow for daily accountability, but it became exhausting and confusing, even to me. I 'm going to resort back to the original idea. I am going to omit 'calories' because that doesn't seem to mean anything.

So, last night my home life exploded. I needed to get away, but had few options. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to pretend to be ok. I was not ok. On top of that I had skipped the gym for two days and was feeling it. And for the first time Richard made a comment about my fitness. An innocent comment, but one that lead me to believe he thinks I am failing. He is my biggest support and I am sure other things swayed my opinion of his intent, but I felt like I had no choice but to run. I got out of the house and didn't have to talk to anyone.

The weather is changing and most days its below zero at night, what the big shift is... time change. It's literally a switch.

By the time I was home it was FULL night. I also learned that the streets are NOT lit up very well in my little town and most bushes made me nervous. Runners get killed all the time and I have an over active imagination. Although I doubt anyone would want to get close to be once i have worked up a good sweat. I ran well. I felt like I was running incredibly fast. I wasn't, but it felt like it. I finished 5kms and called it a night. I went home and sat on the stoop in the bitter cold until I cooled down... physically and emotionally.

I had an early night and a dreamless sleep.

Today I woke up still angry from the unresolved issues of the night before. I didn't want to get out of bed, but with a little help from Richard (he made my lunch, started my car and moved the van for me) I made it to work. All I could think about was the 60 minutes of step class I had coming up.

Not to mention my one pound gain... I know its water, but I hate it still.

Class went well... I couldn't keep up. It's frustrating. I had it last week and survived the entire class at pace. Not this time. I am still sweating and relieved I got it over with.

I have to do push ups tonight... hopefully.

Ok... I have piles of work to do, but I wanted to submit a half decent blog. Sorry for the scattered ramblings of a confused girl.

Life is a little messy right, but I am trying not to let that affect me.


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Day 3...

I went out for lunch today. I was good. I needed that time away with the ladies. I ordered French Onion Soup and Sweet potato fries. A great lunch and the calories weren't that bad.

I also stole a packet of rockets candies from my producer. I am weak and they can't be that many calories. Pathetic. Don't worry I feel as hopeless as you do.

I have to do this, yet I constantly find myself sliding.

I am going to go for a run tonight... weather permitting. I need to do something to wake up my old muscles and I have push-ups with Richard.

Keep your chin up kid!


Today's MENU

Breakfast - Slimfast Shake
Snack - Celery and Peanut Butter, Large Green Tea - black.
Lunch - French Onion Soup, Sweet potato fries
Snack - 6 crackers, 1 large apple, grapes, rockets
Dinner - Slimfast Shake

Total Calories: 1389


Running: 30minutes

Calories: 436

Pounds to loose: 15(-0) - Body Fat: -0% - Inches Lost: 0 - Push Ups: 0

Wow... Day TWO and I already fell off the wagon.

Hey All!
So I fell off the wagon. I promised to write everyday and log my food. I promised to be accountable and I failed. Oops.

Yesterday was pretty hectic AND I didn't make it to the gym. The push-ups are from Monday night.

I will do better.

I also won't be going to the gym today, but I am staying under my calories and doing well.

Today's MENU

Breakfast - Slimfast Shake
Snack - Celery and Peanut Butter, Large Green Tea - black.
Lunch - 7 grain bun with Chicken, cheese and mustard with grapes.
Snack - 6 crackers, 1 large apple, reese Peanut Butter Cup.
Dinner - Slimfast Shake
Total Calories: 1320

Exercise - 0
Pounds to loose: 16(-0) - Body Fat: -0% - Inches Lost: 0 - Push Ups: 60

Monday, November 8, 2010

I feel a little better.

I feel a little better. I always feel better after a good run. I opted to run for 45minutes (15 run, 30 run/sprint/walk). I haven't run for that long in a while. I am the type of person that needs schedules. You tell me what to do and I will kill myself to do it. You leave it to me... and I slack off. Hence the 10 pound gain.

I feel like I am on the right track and I am not as hungry as i expected to be. We'll see about tonight. I have my apple for a late snack and my shake. That's it for this evening... wish me luck.


Today's MENU

Breakfast - Slimfast Shake
Snack - Celery and Peanut Butter, Large Green Tea - black.
Lunch - 7 grain bun with Chicken, cheese and mustard with grapes.
Snack - 6 crackers, 1 large apple
Dinner - Slimfast Shake

Total Calories: 1230

Run: 45 minutes
Restart Week 2 Push-ups.

Total Calories: 671

Pounds to loose: 20(-0) - Body Fat: -0% - Inches Lost: 0 - Push Ups: 0

Restart - AGAIN!

I hate myself today.

I hate that I let myself go.

I hate even more that my body is SO dysfunctional that ONE week of not counting every calorie has left me with another 10-pounds to loose.

I hate it.

I hate that the doctors can't find anything wrong, yet I know I am falling apart.

I hate that I have to starve myself and hit the gym 15 times in a week just to MAINTAIN my weight.

I hate that I will never be 'skinny'.

I hate that I want to be 'too skinny'. I want people to talk behind my back about how I have lost TOO much weight. I know it is unhealthy, but I can't stop.

I reach for that chocolate bar and instantly feel disgusted when I eat it, yet I eat it. I over indulge and hate myself for it, but can't stop.

Today I hate a lot of things... and it hurts the most to hate myself.

I am back on the Slim Fast. I need to kick start my body. I need to get moving. I have 20 pounds to loose by the end of the year and for anyone keeping track that is 8 WEEKS! I need to loose MORE than 2 pounds per week consistently for the next 8 weeks. I can't imagine the disappointment I will feel when I have to say Happy New Years as a continued fatty.

I hate that I am starting another year as a fatty. I hate that I hate my body SO much.

Wish me luck. I need to do this for my sanity. It's not even about being healthy anymore.

I am going to report to YOU everyday my diet and exercise. I promise to be completely honest.


Today's MENU
Breakfast - Slimfast Shake
Snack - Celery and Peanut Butter, Large Green Tea - black.
Lunch - 7 grain bun with Chicken, cheese and mustard with grapes.
Snack - 6 crackers, 1 large apple
Dinner - Slimfast Shake

Total Calories: 1230

Run: 45 minutes
Restart Week 2 Push-ups.

Pounds to loose: 20(-0) - Body Fat: -0% - Inches Lost: 0 - Push Ups: 0

Thursday, November 4, 2010

BREAKING NEWS: Mt. 'Step' has been conquered!!

Please hold your applause!

Step Class: 60 MINUTES!
Calories: 894

I did it! I did Angela's class and I finished it. All the way to the self applause. ha! What a good time. The class was packed and I spent most of it frantically trying to keep up.

I feel so satisfied with myself. In fact, I am going to go home and do my push-ups. Yes, last nights push-ups.I didn't feel up to doing them after lounging in the hot tub for over an hour. Oh yea... it was THAT good.

Ok. I am super busy at work (maybe because I took a long lunch to do the extended step class) and I have to get back to it.


Tuesday, November 2, 2010


Step Up Class: 35minutes (should have been 45, but they were late - hmpf!)
Calories: 500 ish

I made it to class, despite of my lack of sleep. I didn't realize until during the class that a class that requires co-ordinations should not be done and less then 3 hours of sleep. I tripped and twisted my knee... its a stabbing pain. It feels like my knee isn't bending right. I also rolled my ankle. I didn't give up on the class, but I spent the last portion doing simple step-ups.

I am SO unco-ordinated. I just feel off. I thought it was my thyroid meds. I thought I was on the wrong dosage. I thought I would get good news and revise my dosage. I thought things would feel normal again and I would be ok. Nope. Apparently my levels are normal and there is no need to revised my dosage. I am stuck in this stupid body that doesn't work.

As of this morning I have gained 10 pounds this period. Really? If that isn't under motivating I don't know what is. I hate this body.

I hate how defeated and frustrated I feel.

I will finish the week in FULL speed and keep it up for next week, but I want results. There will not be negotiations. I want results and I WILL get them.

I hate still being fat... after all this time I thought I would FOR SURE be there. I would be at my goal and working on maintaining by this point. I thought I had finally begun to understand how my body works, yet the further along I get the more confused I become. I eat I gain. I exercise I gain. I don't eat I gain. I don't exercise I gain. I can't win.

Oh well... maybe today is just not my day.

Love ?

PS - I did my push-ups last night. Richard joined me... I love his support, but hate his skill. He powered through all 47 push-ups with breaking a sweat. I struggled with EACH ONE!

Pounds to loose:??(-??) - Body Fat: -1% - Inches Lost: 7 - Push Ups: 47

My Morning in Pictures.

First there was NO Sleep...
Then... I hopped on the scale.
The garbage truck BLOCKED my driveway and made me late.

Numerous emails YELLING at me for my co-workers mistakes.

Trying to enjoy my breakfast I spilled my milk... and cried about it.

I got trapped in a phone conversation with a monkey.

All of this happen BEFORE 9am... it's a bad day. I am going to step class at noon to try and elevate my life, but I have my doubts about today.

Should have stayed in bed.

Love ?

Monday, November 1, 2010

My Heart Wasn't In It

Running: 35minutes
Abs: 10minutes
Calories: Barely 500

I am slacking... as per the earlier blog. I am in a total SLACK mood. I went to the gym and ran on the treadmill... if you can even call what I was doing, running. I was on the treadmill and my feet were moving, but my heart wasn't in it.

I hate feeling like this... feeling hopeless. No word from the doctor. Blah.

Going home soon...


Stupid Candy!

I am falling apart and I feel myself sliding.

First... I haven't weighed in. It's too much. Halloween and my monthly BLOAT fest. It's not worth the heart ache.

Second... I can't stop eating. I love food. Good food, bad food, any food. If you put it near me I will explode before I stop eating. I know this, yet it still happens.

Third... I had a good week at the gym last and I still feel FAT and LAZY. Hopefully I get my test results back today and I can get back on track.

I have done this before... got comfortable in my NEW skin and stopped pushing. I love my body... I don't love how it looks, but I often forget and think 'Hey, I have lost 35 pounds I should be proud of myself'... what I need to think is 'I still have 15 pounds to go'. I hit this plateau when the weight loss slows and I feel ok with myself. I start to slide... I give in to cravings and stop exercising.

I need to push past this and get back on track. I need to loose weight. I need to be fit. I can't be this heavy anymore. I know this, but with my medical history I feel tied to this weight. It's not my fault... blah! I know it is... hmpf.

I am going for a run today. It won't undo all I've done, but hopefully it clears my head.


Friday, October 29, 2010


BOOT CAMP Circuit: 45minutes
ABS: 10minutes
Calories: 500+

Again today I didn't feel like going to the gym. I have a LONG weekend (not because of actual length, but because of busy-i-ness) a head of me and frankly working out is an inconvenience. Lucky for me… its now routine and I feel weird sitting at my desk from noon to 1. So I grabbed my bag, full of fresh gym clothes and headed downstairs. I have NO plan. I get down there and stand in line… I don't know what for, but it’s a long line of fit people so I stand. When I finally get to the head of the line it’s a sign-up sheet for BOOT CAMP with BAMBI! AH!

I am NOT ready for this, but with a pizza lunch. I had NO choice.

I walked into the empty 'class room' it was cold and dark. The lights weren't on. I got a chill up and down my spine. The goose bumps on arm had goose bumps. Side note: The FINISH word for 'Goose Bumps" directly translates to 'Chicken Skin'… or at least that's what Uncle Manfred for me… He's from Finland). Slowly wary gym goers trickle in, all with a look of panic. They knew what was a head and they looked panicked. I knew I was in over my head. I knew I was in for a work out.

Finally someone speaks…

"I am not ready for this" Said the little hairy man (who would later bump me out of my spot, but literally standing in my spot).

"I haven't been in two weeks and I am still sore" Said a slim woman in full Lulu gear.

Aimlessly we wandered around the room. Trying to keep warm, to prepare ourselves for what was to come.

Suddenly the lights flick on and there is BAMBI.

ha Ha HA!

She smiles so wide and looks so innocent, but quickly gets to work setting up the circuit of death.

Station #1 - Non-stop push-ups
Station #2 - Plank
Station #3 - High Knees
Station #4 - Backward lunges
Station #5 - Step Ups and squats
Station #6 - Backwards row
Station #7 - Hopscotch (Hopping from corner to corner)
Station #8 - Wall Squats (Sitting on an invisible chair with 10lbs in each hand… above your head)
Station #9 - Sprints
Station #10 - Lateral raises
Station #11 - Jumping Jacks
Station #12 - Balance on the Exercise Ball (on your knees)
Station #13 - Jump Ups (Jump on the step, squat and jump off)
Station #14 - Bicep Curl with Forward Lunges
Station #15 - Fast Feet
And finally…
Station #16 - Burpies

All seems feasible, but you rotate every 60 seconds. By station three my muscles are shaking. Beads of sweat trickle down my back and she smiles and she screams 'HARDER'. Each time the whistle blows you breath a small sigh of relief before the next punishment. She is ALWAYS watching. Every pause for a breath she sees and demands more. Every hesitation she catches and pushes you further. It's all a game and she's making the rules.

Terrible words fall my lips as I try to keep pace. Sweat stings my eyes. I push on.

Finally it ends. I collapse in a pile on the floor. I am sweating, shaking and moaning. I am tired. I am exhausted. I am fulfilled. I love her class. I love it so much even with nothing left I stay for ABS.

Now I sit at my desk, full of pizza wondering if it was all worth it.

Happy Halloween everybody!


*** I weighed in, but with the time of the month I am not logging it. I didn't gain. As for push-ups. I did 42 last night.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Apparently NORMAL is out of the question this week...

Step Class: ONE HOUR
Calories: 690+

Wow! I think I died. I don't know why this week I am feeling SO rebellious, but I haven't done anything normal. They say its good to shake things up, but I STILL don't know who 'they' are. I haven't craved the gym like I normally do. I have pushed myself to go, even on the bad days. I suppose that in its self is progress, but why can't I just take it easy??? Today again I intended to spin and again Peter was teaching the class. I opted out and went to the noon class... today it was a one hour STEP class with Angela.

I have never bounced SO much in my life. As I wrote to my Aunt...

" I went to a step class today and realized my limbs are NOT organized enough for this.

The class starts off slow... I step on the step, I step off. I don't completely understand the directions, but the people in front of me seem to be pros' so I follow their lead... until all hell breaks loose and its a... knee up repeat, shuffle, side lift, knee up, march, k... stomp, meringue... WTF?! I am sweating more than I intended and I can't figure out what my feet are doing... my arms aren't even working together... one is up while the other is down... I punched the girl in front of me... twice. I knee'd the girl on the other side of me and fell over my step MORE THAN ONCE.

I was a sweaty ball of nothing when I was done and I still feel hot and gross. Hot and Gross and accomplished. What a class... I wish I had been more prepared. Hopefully it gets my metabolism going..."
She had a nice chuckle at my expense so I thought you should as well. I barely survived the entire class, but I did better than most and that's good enough for me. I think I might attempt her class again next week and make it more of my routine. It's like a swift kick in the gut I need once a week, plus weigh in is tomorrow and I want to be on target. I am still trying to drop the pounds from the cruise.
On the health front... I went downstairs to ask Dr. Dave (we have a Doctor's office in our building for staff only... yea, I am spoiled) about my chapped lips. They are really bad and have been since my dentist visit. I thought maybe it was an allergic reaction. Anyways, I only go to this doctor when I can't get to my family doctor. The left time I went was for my DVT (deep leg thrombosis... the thing that caused all the weight gain and now weight loss). So he asked me about it. I filled him in on the last year and he made me do blood work. Turns out the dry skin on my lips isn't just chapped lips... its a symptom of hypothyroidism i.e my meds aren't working again. This could explain the lull in my weight loss.
So on top of doing a stupid-ridiculous-step class... I had blood taken (it took 3 tries - OW!). I am feeling a little dizzy, but I am following up with my standard chocolate pudding. Mmm...
So I think you are completely up to date on all that ails me.
Sorry about the long post. I have more to say, but it will have to wait. Let's just save there is something savoury simmering in my slow cooker RIGHT NOW. Mmm...

Pounds to loose: 14(-10) - Body Fat: -1% - Inches Lost: 7 - Push Ups: 0

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

On The Ball...

On the Ball: 25minutes
Calories: 290

I did Angela's on the ball class. I love Angela. We used weights and worked with the ball, on the ball and off the ball. I wanted to get 15 minutes of running in, but it didn't time out and I didn't have time to waste.

I did my push-ups last night... 33. My arms and chest hurt, but I did it. I don't know if I will make it to 100, but I am giving it the old college try.

Wish me luck. I have a job interview tonight. I am getting a second job to get me closer to a new house.

Pounds to loose: 15(-9) - Body Fat: -1% - Inches Lost: 7 - Push Ups: 33

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


Step Class: 45minutes
Calories: 596

I did NOT know what I was getting myself into! I didn't want to spin with a different instructor so I signed up for the noon hour class. I didn't look to see what it was. It was step.

Let me just say I am NOT co-ordinated enough for this class.

I survived, but barely!

Push-ups DAY TWO tonight.


Pounds to loose: 14(-10) - Body Fat: -1% - Inches Lost: 7 - Push Ups: 0