Thursday, November 11, 2010

Last night and Today

Run: 45minutes
Step Class: 60 minutes

I feel like i haven't been giving you my best work. I haven't been myself lately and as they adjust my medication I feel less and less like myself.

I tried to adjust my formatting to allow for daily accountability, but it became exhausting and confusing, even to me. I 'm going to resort back to the original idea. I am going to omit 'calories' because that doesn't seem to mean anything.

So, last night my home life exploded. I needed to get away, but had few options. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to pretend to be ok. I was not ok. On top of that I had skipped the gym for two days and was feeling it. And for the first time Richard made a comment about my fitness. An innocent comment, but one that lead me to believe he thinks I am failing. He is my biggest support and I am sure other things swayed my opinion of his intent, but I felt like I had no choice but to run. I got out of the house and didn't have to talk to anyone.

The weather is changing and most days its below zero at night, what the big shift is... time change. It's literally a switch.

By the time I was home it was FULL night. I also learned that the streets are NOT lit up very well in my little town and most bushes made me nervous. Runners get killed all the time and I have an over active imagination. Although I doubt anyone would want to get close to be once i have worked up a good sweat. I ran well. I felt like I was running incredibly fast. I wasn't, but it felt like it. I finished 5kms and called it a night. I went home and sat on the stoop in the bitter cold until I cooled down... physically and emotionally.

I had an early night and a dreamless sleep.

Today I woke up still angry from the unresolved issues of the night before. I didn't want to get out of bed, but with a little help from Richard (he made my lunch, started my car and moved the van for me) I made it to work. All I could think about was the 60 minutes of step class I had coming up.

Not to mention my one pound gain... I know its water, but I hate it still.

Class went well... I couldn't keep up. It's frustrating. I had it last week and survived the entire class at pace. Not this time. I am still sweating and relieved I got it over with.

I have to do push ups tonight... hopefully.

Ok... I have piles of work to do, but I wanted to submit a half decent blog. Sorry for the scattered ramblings of a confused girl.

Life is a little messy right, but I am trying not to let that affect me.


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