Monday, October 31, 2011

Halloween Treats!

Happy Halloween kids!

Not much fitness to report... although I am skipping the gym for lunch out and skipping yoga tonight to hand out candy... I love Halloween so I don't care ;)

I did go out this weekend... with Batman.

The dynamic duo!
  And then today at work... while typing this... I went out as Richard AKA a motorcycle racer!


Sadly the costume is TOO hot and will be coming off VERY soon.

Enjoy today!


A bit of drunken Batman Shanaigans...

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

I stole this from Loseit!

**I snickered and laughed through the entire thing.

I heart hot yoga

"This apparently was an actual Craiglist ad:

Yoga mat for sale. Used once at lunch hour class in December 2009. Usage timeline as follows:

Register for hot yoga class. Infinite wisdom tells me to commit to 5 class package and purchase a yoga mat. I pay $89.74. Money well spent, I smugly confirm to myself.

Open door to yoga room. A gush of hot dry air rushes through and past me. It smells of breath, sweat and hot. Take spot on floor in back of room next to cute blonde. We will date.

I feel the need to be as near to naked as possible. This is a problem because of the hot blonde to my left and our pending courtship. She will not be pleased to learn that I need to lose 30 pounds before I propose to her.

The shirt and sweats have to come off. I throw caution to the wind and decide to rely on my wit and conditioning to overcome any weight issues my fiancée may take issue with. This will take a lot of wit and conditioning.

Begin small talk with my bride to be. She pretends to ignore me but I know how she can be. I allow her to concentrate and stare straight ahead and continue to pretend that I don't exist. As we finish sharing our special moment, I am suddenly aware of a sweat moustache that has formed below my nose. This must be from the all the whispering between us.

Instructor enters the room and ascends her special podium at the front of the room. She is a slight, agitated Chinese woman. She introduces me to the class and everyone turns around to greet me just as I decide to aggressively adjust my penis and testes packed in my Under Armor. My bride is notably unfazed.

Since I do have experience with Hot Yoga (4 sessions just 5 short years ago) I fully consider that I may be so outstanding and skilled that my instructor may call me out and ask me to guide the class. My wife will look on with a sparkle in her eye. We will make love after class.

It is now up to 95 degrees in the room. We have been practicing deep breathing exercises for the last 8 minutes. This would not be a problem if we were all breathing actual, you know, oxygen. Instead, we are breathing each other's body odor, expelled carbon dioxide and other unmentionables. (Don't worry, I'll mention them later.)

It is now 100 degrees and I take notice of the humidity, which is hovering at about 90%. I feel the familiar adorning stare of my bride and decide to look back at her. She appears to be nauseated. I then realize that I forgot to brush my teeth prior to attending this class. We bond.

It is now 110 degrees and 95% humidity. I am now balancing on one leg with the other leg crossed over the other. My arms are intertwined and I am squatting. The last time I was in this position was 44 years ago in the womb, but I'm in this for the long haul. My wife looks slightly weathered dripping sweat and her eyeliner is streaming down her face. Well, "for better or worse" is what we committed to so we press on.

The overweight Hispanic man two spots over has sweat running down his legs. At least I think its sweat. He is holding every position and has not had a sip of water since we walked in. He is making me look bad and I hate him.

I consider that if anyone in this room farted that we would all certainly perish.

It is now 140 degrees and 100% humidity. I am covered from head to toe in sweat. There is not a square millimeter on my body that is not slippery and sweaty. I am so slimy that I feel like a sea lion or a maybe sea eel. Not even a bear trap could hold me. The sweat is stinging my eyeballs and I can no longer see.

This room stinks of asparagus, cloves, tuna and tacos. There is no food in the room. I realize that this is an amalgamation of the body odors of 30 people in a 140 degree room for the last 55 minutes. Seriously, enough with the asparagus, ok?

140 degrees and 130% humidity. Look, bitch, I need my space here so don't get all pissy with me if I accidentally sprayed you with sweat as I flipped over. Seriously, is that where this relationship is going? Get over yourself. We need counseling and she needs to be medicated. Stat!

150 degrees and cloudy. And hot. I can no longer move my limbs on my own. I have given up on attempting any of the commands this Chinese chick is yelling out at us. I will lay sedentary until the aid unit arrives. I will buy this building and then have it destroyed.

I lose consciousness.

I have a headache and my wife is being a selfish bitch. I can't really breathe. All I can think about is holding a cup worth of hot sand in my mouth. I cannot remember what an ice cube is and cannot remember what snow looks like. I consider that my only escape might be a crab walk across 15 bodies and then out of the room. I am paralyzed, and may never walk again so the whole crab walk thing is pretty much out.

I cannot move at all and cannot reach my water. Is breathing voluntary or involuntary? If it's voluntary, I am screwed. I stopped participating in the class 20 minutes ago. Hey, lady! I paid for this frickin class, ok?! You work for me! Stop yelling at everyone and just tell us a story or something. It's like juice and cracker time, ok?

It is now 165 degrees and moisture is dripping from the ceiling. The towel that I am laying on is no longer providing any wicking or drying properties. It is actually placing additional sweat on me as I touch it. My towel reeks. I cannot identify the smell but no way can it be from me. Did someone spray some stank on my towel or something?

Torture session is over. I wish hateful things upon the instructor. She graciously allows us to stay and 'cool down' in the room. It is 175 degrees. Who cools down in 175 degrees? A Komodo Dragon? My wife has left the room. Probably to throw up.

My opportunity to escape has arrived. I roll over to my stomach and press up to my knees. It is warmer as I rise up from ground level - probably by 15 degrees. So let's conservatively say it's 190. I muster my final energy and slowly rise. One foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other. Towards the door. Towards the door.

The temperature in the lobby is 72 degrees. Both nipples stiffen to diamond strength and my penis begins to retract into my abdomen from the 100 degree temp swing. I can once again breathe though so I am pleased. I spot my future ex wife in the lobby. We had such a good thing going but I know that no measure of counseling will be able to unravel the day's turmoil and mental scaring.

Arrive at Emerald City Smoothie and proceed to order a 32 oz beverage. 402 calories, 0 fat and 14 grams of protein -- effectively negating any caloric burn or benefit from the last 90 minutes. I finish it in 3 minutes and spend the next 2 hours writing this memoir.

Create Craigslist ad while burning final 2 grams of protein from Smoothie and before the "shakes" consume my body.

Note to self - check car for missing wet yoga towel in am."

I can't wait to go to Hot Yoga tonight... I will probably laugh out loud as some of the above mentions come true.


Saturday, October 22, 2011

Just got home...

... literally I am still in my sweaty hot yoga clothes.
I need to write. I need to capture how I am feeling right now. I just did an hour of Yang Yin, it ended with a Thai massage and I walked out in a haze. I actually had to sit in my minute and re-join reality. The class was small and lead my Jade, who is very hands on and incredibly intuitive. She guides you through class easily.

I feel refreshed and at ease. It's a surreal feeling... I just feel peaceful. My muscles don't ache, my head isn't pounding. I am not stressed, sad or depressed. I am ok.

In this euphoria is amazing what emotions jump forward. I am happy, but not ecstatic. I want to listen to thought provoking music. I want to sit in silence. Nothing about me wants to get up and move, but not in a lazy way. Its really hard to explain.

I am deep in thought... lots of thoughts. Everything jumps forward, but nothing seems overwhelming... my wedding... my bills... my friends... my past friends... my Dad... my health... my future. I am thinking about all of it, with out an anxiety which for the record NEVER happens.

I thought about coming home and going for a run. I thought about my running schedule that did not get met this week, but I thought my body deserves a break and today I will rest, no junk, no booze, no over exertion... just a day to rebuild and regenerate.

Although I do have BIG plans tonight... We will see how I feel tonight.

Love... and Bliss.


Thursday, October 20, 2011

The Zen is gone!

Ever have those days when you just want to haul off and hurt someone... you don't know why and the little voice in your head, that tells you things are wrong, just isn't loud enough.

A day when you want to sleep... or run... or fight. You don't even know how to fix this aggression you're feeling. You just want to scream and god bless the person that tries to talk to you. You will literally and figuratively chew their head off.

I am having one of those days... for the male reader (if any) it is NOT PMS. It's just a bad day forced onward by shitty circumstances again and again... and again.



I love hot yoga. I forgot that I loved hot yoga. Yes, I went last night. It was a bit of a mad dash at 5p, but I made it and I am so glad I did. I did a Flow class with Jade in control at Some Like it Hot in Burlington.

I took advantage of their 20 days for $20 promotion going on right now, and will spend the next three weeks sweating and stretching. It felt so good to be in control of my breath and to feel restful and at peace. It feels cliche, but yoga really does have a calming affect. Its an hour of self reflection when nothing else in the world matters and nothing can get to you.

I got home feeling refreshed.

It was different than I remember. I used to do the POWER flow class with Bryan that was 90minutes and I used to pass out half way through. 60 minutes was perfect and the class was easy... not easy, but easy to keep up with and rejoin after taking a break.

I am going back on Saturday morning. I wish I was going back tonight, but I have Assata's step class and that is enough of a workout for one day.


Pounds to Lose: 23

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Hot Yoga

I am writing about it to make it happen. I thought about waiting until after class, but then I thought I might not go, but if I write it in a blog I have to go.

So... tonight I am going to Hot Yoga. I am a new student at Some Like it Hot in Burlington. I registered for a class this evening at 5:30. Let's hope it works out, because I need a good work-out today and my poor legs need a good stretch.

I have 24 pounds to go and I am hoping a good stretch will get the scale moving again.

Wish me luck.


PS - I think emotionally I need this as well.

Pounds to Lose: 24

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Sometimes I don't know what to write.

Today is one of those days. I feel like I have a lot going on, but without making progress I don't feel like writing.

I am on week 2 of my running schedule, which is actually week 5 of my running schedule. Its 10-weeks to 10k, but the first 2 weeks were slow and below my level of ability. So I started on week 3 and the 4th week was a rest week, that I didn't think I had earned it so I skipped ahead to week 5. I also want to get this done as quick as possible, because upon completion I get to start Hot Yoga. Yay! I love Hot Yoga, but its a little more expensive than running (which is free) and I am on a budget with the big wedding coming up. I thought I needed to have something to work towards and something to earn. Hopefully I will be finished with running by Dec 1. It would be nice to have Hot Yoga for the cold winter months.

I am finding my clothes looser, but the scale is never changing... same old, same old. I seem to be on a plateau that I can't shake. Granted I know the mistakes I am making, but I make them anyways. I love food and find comfort in making it and eating it. Its been a stressful couple weeks... maybe that is why I need to write... I need to get everything out of my head.

First... Weddings are the worst. They test relationships and challenge friendships. They leave the bride feeling needy and demanding, while the friends feel overwhelmed and used. Both parties have a sour taste in their mouths and why? For a big day of love... Seems pointless. I would rather keep my friends and not have a wedding. (I still want a marriage, I just don't want a wedding). This wedding planning has forced me to sacrifice a friend and caused noticeable tearing of a stable relationship. Now myself, a people pleaser, is caught in the middle... asking for what I need and risking coming across as a Bridezilla or taking it all on myself and resenting the people that should be helping me. I am currently doing the latter and it sucks.

Second... Dad. I don't know if I am ready to talk about it, but I'm scared for my father and there is nothing I can do about it. His health is waning and all I can do is watch and be there if he needs me. Its ironic how much this news is killing me based on the rocky relationship we've had, but the thought of losing my Dad brings me to tears every time I even think about my life and all the happiness that won't be the same without him there. The wedding... babies... everything a girl needs her Dad for. 28 years of not really needing him and suddenly I need him and there is a HUGE chance he won't be there. I am more effected by it than I am willing to show. It's also amazing how many times I have written that and deleted it, wanting to tell people, reach out and ask for help, but too afraid to admit it was really happening. Part of me feels I am over reacting and I should not be this upset, but the other part says worry all you want if that's all you can do.

So that is why I am eating the wrong things... I am still keeping under my daily calories and I am still hitting the gym 6 days a week, but only to allow the binging, which makes everything better for a minute.

I am going to go eat a cookie before spin class... don't judge me.


Pounds to Lose: 26 (only because I wasn't counting write for the last week ;)

Friday, October 14, 2011

Hello Blog.

Hello Melanie. I was beginning to worry about you. This week hasn't been your strongest on blogging. Is everything ok? Did you hit your targets and get the gym 5 times? I am counting on you to entertain me this go around. I also have to live vicariously through you because I am, but a simple blog, I don't have arms, legs or even a beating heart, but I love you and I want you to succeed.

I am here for you in all moods. Vent to me (which you seem to be great at lately). Celebrate with me (which hasn't happen for a while). And cry to me. I am always willing to listen.

I have to tell you... as much as my heart belongs to you, I am used by people all over the world... ok I am used my a handful of individuals from North America, but you get the idea. I am responsible for them... I need up to date advice. I need blogs that are witty and heart felt. I need to entertain them as you entertain me.

Please don't leave me hanging again. I miss you and your funny words of your daily struggles. I promise I am not laughing at you, but with you... always with you.

Have a good weekend. Stay Strong. Be Good.


A Fitness-esque Blog... Xx

PS - I heard through another blogs friends' sister that you did awesome today at Boot Camp. Congrats! And those new pants... looks great. What I am trying to say is.... Nice Ass.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

To run or not to run.

A skinny person would run.

I am not a skinny person.

I don't want to run.

I should run.

I want to be a skinny person.

I don't want to be a fat person.

I like losing weight.

Running will help me lose weight.

Rest will help my body recover.

Rest can happen on the weekend.

Its cold.

Its rainy.

Its not a thunder storm.

Its not a snow storm.

An athlete would run.

I am an athlete.

I have a 2 hour drive home.

I will be sitting on my butt for 2 hours.


Stay tuned for the continuation and conclusion.


**UPDATE: I ran. 5k.

Pounds to Lose: 28

You know what I hate...

... over dramatic, bitter, fat people. Now I know that might alienate a few readers, but hear me out. I am a fat person and I get being bitter about life, but sometimes the negativity that oozes from the pores of other Loseit! members gets to me.

I get that you have had a hard life... probably suffering from low self-esteem and maybe even bullying. I know I did and still do, but to shit all over everyone at every corner doesn't help anyone.

I know we have to work twice as hard as naturally skinny people and we have to shop in different stores and pay more money... I know everything is harder and more complicated, because of the extra pounds... I GET IT!

I understand that companies prey on the overweight with miracle weight loss drugs and over night pop up businesses, but being close minded about the ever evolving world of health isn't going to get you anywhere... and raining on my parade, because I am trying new things isn't going to magically make the scale plummet.

I just feel like everything you say on the forum is met with bitter, skepticism that usually rears it head as 'helpful advice'.

I feel like everyone is so quick to condemn, that is it easier to avoid the forum and the negativity all together.

I posted yesterday asking for opinions/advice... granted I open the door to feedback, but I expected help... instead I got bitter words about the absurdity of working with a Naturopath. My comment was about vitamins... I had only mentioned my Naturopath to imply I wasn't randomly popping vitamins because of something I read online, but that a skilled professional had advised me to ingest these with distinct reason. The main reply was go to a 'real doctor'... I get that a close minded person would assume a real doctor has all the answer, but my 'real' doctor didn't diagnose my hypothyroidism, or my gluten intolerance... he didn't realize I had a vitamin B deficiency and that is why I was always tired. He didn't help me lose weight or help me with migraines. He didn't even help me with the blood clot I had 3 years ago... if left to my doctor (who is great, but barely has 10minutes to spend with me every 6 months) I would still be over weight, suffering through a weaken thyroid or maybe even dead from a ruptured blood clot... who knows.

Now in an open forum you can't openly vent... people are defensive (as I am being), but I needed to get it out somewhere. I am so upset that such and amazing app that has so positively impacting so many lives has become so negative.

That's it... rant over.


Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Yesterday's ramble explained... I hope.

Good Morning!

Yesterday was quite the ramble... sorry. I just had so much going on in my pretty little head I couldn't get it all straight. The summary... I am going to go back to what worked for me - Calorie counting with Loseit! and running.

I also had a sad realization... vitamins aren't for me. I have been counthing the hell out of my calories for the last month without dropping an ounce. I was getting frustrated and felt like nothing was working. I wanted to give up, throw in the towel and accept being a fatty for life. Then I did something odd and amazing... I stopped taking all my pills. I stopped taking the vitamin B, C, Acidophilus, D and CLA... all prescribed by my naturopath (whom I still adore). I stopped taking them and I have consistently lost weight and inches. I stopped taking them and I sleep through the night, I don't feel clouded and I have more energy. Now I don't believe vitamins are bad, I do believe I am deficent in several areas because of my diet, but something about the above combination did not agree with my body and I will no longer be taking any of them.

The only weird downside... I have lost my co-ordination and I keep walking into things. I noticed while riding my bike (motorcycle) on Monday, but thought it was an off day and then yesterday I walked into 4 walls and a door. I am clumsy, but not that clumsy. I even cut my hand on the door frame, which is currently stinging and reminding me to write about it. Could it be linked? (Not the cut, but the lack of co-ordination).

We'll see how the rest of the week goes, but I need to figure out this co-ordination thing ASAP.

On the plus side I have exciting NEW gym clothes to work in today. I won a $200 (4x$50) gift card to New Balance at work last week (we played department mini-putt and I won best golfer). I went last night to cash in my card for clothes and I am thrilled to say I got a sweater, a tank top, a t-shirt, pants and socks... its all that fancy no sweat material and I am excited about NOT wearing my yellowing, oversized white t-shirt anymore. Woo!

That's it kids... lots to discuss. I am doing Day Two of Week 3 of my running schedule today, with an abs class and I am looking forward to it.


Pounds to Lose: 30

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving!

It's late I know, but when am I ever on time with my posts??

I had an interesting (and motivating) weekend. I made a sad realization I am addicted to food. I understand how drug addicts feel, because even as I am consuming the bad foods in mass quantities I can't stop. I tell myself to stop, think of the consequences, but still I eat, because I love eating. I love food. I did break down and tell Richard how I was feeling... he joked at first, because granted it sounds funny... but its not. It scares me. I fear I will never get a handle on my weight. I won't look good on my wedding day and I won't be able to prance about the beaches of St. Lucia on my honeymoon (yes, we picked our honeymoon... stay tuned for details ;) It all makes me sad and uncomfortable.

Now the positive... I work well with motivation. I am going to St. Lucia in 263 days. I will be staying at a 5 star resort on the beach. I need to be in bikini shape. I have 263 days to lose 30 pounds... which seems very possible if I start now. I put a picture of St. Lucia up on the fridge to remind me every time I want to indulge. So far so good... although I started this last night. Ha!

The interesting part of it all, even with TWO turkey dinners, I didn't gain anything this weekend and the only thing I did different was NOT take my vitamins. I am not sure why stopping all my pills worked, but it did. I only took my prescribed thyroid meds and I feel good. Which is completely backwards. So I am experimenting with no pills this week. We'll see what Friday gives us.

I also thought it best to go back to the basics... in the beginning (the start of this blog) I lost 30 pounds all by myself (and the Loseit! app). I did it by watching what I was eating and working out regularly. Lately I have been caught up in these 'fad' ish diets prescribed by my Naturopath, whom I love and trust. I just don't see them as lifestyle plans. I see them as restriction and find it easy to cheat. So, I decided to take all I have learned over the last 8 months (bad foods and portion control) and use it with the knowledge gained from my first success.

So this week I re-started my running schedule (my first love) and re-started my Loseit! entries. I feel good about this decision and during yesterday's run I felt good. I love running. I am on a 8 week schedule to 10km. I started on week 3 which is 3 minute intervals. I will run 3 times a week as well as keep to spinning, step and kickboxing. It's back to the basics and I love it.

I feel like this post rambled alot... sorry.

I have a lot going on in my head and needed to get it all out.

Let's start with the basics... and that includes daily blogs (with pictures).


Pounds to Lose: 32

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Oops! Where have I been?!?!

I've been floating around, planning a wedding and celebrating with friends.

The weekend was good... I indulged, but I am always glad I do. I don't ever want to feel deprived, because once I do... its all down hill. I finally made it to Nuit Blanche, downtown Toronto. For years I have been talking about it, curious about it and finally with disappointment I saw it. Granted I was very intoxicated (see? I did indulge) and it was VERY early in the morning (we caught the 3:30a train home *yawn*).

It's already Wednesday and I am off to a good start... I missed the gym on Monday. It was too chaotic to venture away and I didn't really want too. Tuesday I made it to spin class, but dreaded it. I only go because I love Kerri... and don't want to shatter that relationship by bailing on Spin Class. I am glad I went. I am always glad I went.

I am hoping to hit the gym today BUT its the 2nd annual Sandy Sanderson Memorial Golf Tournament at work... yup, its mini putt around the office and I don't know how long it will take.

So... wish my luck in two ways... that I hit the gym and that I win the round ;)