Tuesday, December 30, 2014

The plan.

I have thought about a dozen different 'plans'. Most involved strict diets, calorie restrictions and intense workouts. And most won't work. I can't live a life of restrictions. I hate being told what to do...even if I am doing the telling. I have to figure out a way to make healthier choices that I am going to stick too. They have to be simple (at first) and fun (or delicious).

So. I am doing the simple greem smoothie Challenge in January and luckily for me Richard is going to be doing it with me.

What it consists of is signing up at simplegreensmoothies.com.

They really take care of the rest. The challenge starts on the first. At the beginning of every week you recieve your recipes and shopping list. Then you blend your way to health. The challenge is to consume a green smoothie everyday for 30 days. Easy, right? Yes. That is the point.

A green smoothie contains most of your daily veggies. It's usually Kale or Spinach based and its full of vitamins. Most of the time it is even delicious. This is something I could follow for 12 months. And the fact that my hubby (and son by default) are doing it too is a bonus. We still have to be careful with what we consume the rest of the day, but its setting us up for success.

And Kale has one heck of an effect on your colon. Whewf.

Part two of the plan. Wheat. It's gone. Not gluten, because that is intense and expensive. Just wheat... that will make a huge different for me as well as to my caloric intake on a daily basis.

I thought about doing a full detox (no sugar, wheat, dairy, caffefine, alcohol or fun) but that is too much for me... cooking multiple meals and sadly I know I wouldn't follow through. I think knowing that about myself is good. At least I am not setting myself up for failure.

Part Three is the gym. I miss the gym. I love the gym. And with my extra hours in the morning I am going to go to the gym (as long as I can afford it with the new gig). Nothing written in stone, but a minimum of 3 days a week at the gym, crossing my fingers for Goodlife, which is the most expenisve, but the best. They have amazing classes and I have already checked the schedule... they have amazing 6am classes, which would be perfect!

So that is the 3 part plan... hopefully that helps me slim down and feel better, because I would love to lose weight, but I would be happier to just feel better every morning.

Oh and Part 4... no scale. I become way too obsessed and it can't be about the number. It has to be based on how I feel.


I quit.

I lost control of my life for a few months, that why I haven't been blogging. I had nothing to write, nothing to celebrate. I have been sad and disappointed in myself, because I haven't made the time to be healthy. I have come up with every excuse, but mostly exhaustion is why I haven't been keeping up. I get sad and than I curl up in a ball and will things to get better, but don't do anything. Then I eat. Then I gain weight which makes me sad and than I curl up in a ball... and you get the idea.

Its frustrating, because I watch it happening, but can't seem to stop myself as I indulge. And not just on holiday treats, but a bag of chocolate chips, because I had a long day or a blizzard because its the holiday. I took it easy at the gym, or skipped it completely, because I was just too busy, which is BS. I didn't miss any of my favorite TV shows, I wasn't too busy to sit on my bum and bloat. 


I feel like I do this every year... I lose momentum (which I usually keep for the first 9 months) and I get frustrated, but can't seem to find a new beginning, without a new beginning. Hear me out... I can't start in the middle of the week, or the middle of the month. I can't start in the middle of things... weird, right? Trust me I know. I have to start at logical times. Mondays, which already suck. The first of the month, the first of the year or the first day of my new job. Which is even weirder, because I have decided to start trying to be healthy today. Tuesday December 30th, which doesn't even make sense! Why all the craziness you ask? Well, today is my first day of true vacation. My first day NOT working for Rogers, NOT working in radio and NOT being a writer (at least not professionally). 

I quit. 

After 10years. I quit. 

It is terrifying to step out on a new limb. I have left radio to become an Administrative Assistant with an amazing consulting firm in Burlington. It's only 4 minutes from my house and barely 10 from Thomas.

But it is huge. It has taken all my energy to be ok with this transition and sadly that is the main reason I haven't been focused on anything else. 

It is also an amazing reason to start over, to get fresh, to be healthy and to be the best me possible. I don't have 12 hour days anymore or 4 hours of commuting a day. I have been given time and I want to use it to hit the gym and prepare real food... to selfishly focus on me for a little bit. This opportunity will nourish my mind, feed my need for a good challenge and let me explore who I want to be.


That's a lot for one post... and I lost focus half way through which only strengthens my argeument that I can't focus. Ha!

More to follow on how I intend to be healthy.

And of course there is a new years resolution coming your way!

Oh and smoothies!


Thursday, November 6, 2014

Tabata is like labour.

As soon as it is over, you forget the pain and dream of going through it all over again... until you're in the middle of it, then you think 'WHY THE EFF AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF---AGAIN?!' only with labour you get a beautiful screaming ball of goo. At least with Tabata you can go home and sleep.

Today was insane. INSANE.

I thought about this class all week. I debated going to it. I even verbally harassed myself for being a wuss, for giving up on myself and for letting a little 45 minute class get into my head. I clearly felt peer pressured and bullied into attending. I am worth more than succumbing to a Tabata class, hmpf.

I was late to class... silly work getting in the way of my fitness goals. I got the last spot in the back corner, not my typical spot--front left. This meant I was surrounded by people and limited on my range. And also I had to suffer the stupidity and smell of those around me. Including the gassy lady directly in front of me. I had to alter some of my movements, at least that's how I defending my slowing reactions to the commanders being yelled at me.

"I can't lunge deeper there is a guy, RIGHT THERE."

" I can't do a full push-up, I have to be on my knees... there just isn't space."

"Suicides? Ha... I'll just march."

Now don't get me wrong, I freaking killed it. I was seeing spots, for goodness sakes. I have never worked so hard to see spots... green and purple ones. I took a second to regroup and got back in.

I will conquer Tabata.

On the upside... I did it. My heart rate has returned to normal, the sweating has stopped and I am still alive... maybe even a little bit more so.

Until next week Tabata, you will haunt my dreams.


Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Who's an island?

No man is an island; I never understood what that meant. Of course a man isn’t an island, how would he float in the water and where would I build my cabana? On Richards forehead? Further to the point how would a man position himself as an island? Tread water with is head bobbing along or floating on his back with a housing development on his belly? So many questions… its better just to expect that no man is an island and stop all the silliness.

That being said… it’s amazing how the lives of the people around you, change you. How the successes, failures and opinions of friends, family and arch-nemeses can change the path your life is on.  They make you question your trail, venture of course or hunker down for the storm.
I have never been so blessed in my life.

For the first time in a long time, I have friends. I know it’s hard to believe, because I am a treat, but I am also a loner, spending a lot of time wishing I had a friend. Someone who loved me unconditionally, understood my silliness and wanted to make the effort to fit in to my chaotic existence. I have always had wonderful acquaintances, who've has an abundance of friends and weren't looking to take on me and my baggage.

BUT It’s amazing how your life changes when you have someone to help carry the load. I thought I was managing, I thought I was happy. I never realized how much time I spent trying to be my own best friend, laughing at all my own jokes, wiping my own tears and liking all my own pictures, until I had actual living and breathing friends to share in the conversation, swap Winston Churchill quotes, listen to the ramblings, swap Bellini donkeys and be in my life FULL time.

I am so grateful to have that fulfillment.

I want to work every day to give back to them all they have given to me, because for the first time I have a wonderful life and it is because I have a group of girls that are in the game with me.

Turns out no woman is an island either.

because this would be weird... 

Thank you for sharing your successes with me and pushing me to move forward, thank you for grieving with me and letting me learn my lessons through your trials, thank you for laughing at my jokes and giving me self-worth… It's not blondes that have more fun, its curvy girls and ice cream that are a good time. 

Today's 'fitness report' I am going to work out because I want to and I enjoy it, but not because I want to change anything about my life. 


Monday, November 3, 2014


I am mesmerized by the simplicity of Thomas's diet and his uninhibited relationship with food. He eats when he is hungry and stops when he is full. *mind blown* 

He also can't help himself to food, which doesn't concern him in the least. It means he isn't constantly thinking about food, like I am. His desires aren't fueled by cravings, emotions, advertising or self image (peer pressure). I can't even imagine that. I am jealous if his innocence.

Even water is in moderation. He wakes in the night for water, but simply quenches his thirst, pushes the bottle away, stretches and goes back to sleep. Even water I over indulge in, draining a bottle at the slightest urge.

He never overindulges, never feels guilt. I wish I could simplify my diet to that ('You can', you're all thinking, but my mind won't let me).

Thomas also eats REAL food, without looking for more. He has veggies and cheese with every meal, a protein and grain. Rarely, does he get dessert, which is usually unsweetened Applesauce. 

How can I have such control over his nutritional world but no grasp on how to harness my own?

Ignorance is bliss.


Thursday, October 30, 2014


Because it is pure effing magic that I survived that class. This is me 48 minutes AFTER the class.

Do you see the RED face? Or the sweaty curls? I stopped working-out (and all basic movement... typing is exhausting) 48 minutes ago and this is my face!

In the locker room there is a group of ladies I am 'friends' with. I don't know their names, but we seem to attend a lot of the same classes. The lady with the red curls recommended Thursday's Tabata with a laugh. She said it wasn't quite Assata's Step Class, but it was tough.

I thought 'Ok, let's see.'


This is the most intense class/thing I have ever done and this girl rolled around in the mudd on a cold August day.

If you aren't familiar with Tabata, just head over to the Google and type in 'What is Tabata?' And remember what ever you find, this class was 10x worse (or better?)

Susana teaches this class and she is a tank. She is as fit as a person gets and so full of energy, she was just bouncing around the class while we all died.

She actually started the class with when you feel light-headed or like you're going to be sick, because you will, just keep moving. I smirked at this thinking, 'Come on'. 

I stopped twice because I thought I might revisit my lunch, but Susana didn't. 

Even in the cool down (the 10-seconds of 'rest' between sets) she kept bouncing along. I wish I could remember all the insanity, but my head is also exhausted. I don't even know if this is coherent. I did being up Pineapple Cheese Sauce. 

For the first time I don't know if I can keep up with this class. I don't know if I will go again, which insane, because I love intense class. The more intense, the more sweat... the more I love it, but this was too much. 

Sitting is evening hurting my poor tired muscles. 

How am I going to pick up Thomas tonight?!?

I have to go... hopefully tomorrow I can come up with a better description of this class, because Pineapple Cheese Sauce, which is sounding better and better every time I say it.


Tuesday, October 28, 2014

How do you sit?

... not the step by step to sitting, (could you imagine? Step One: Locate proposed seating vessel. Step Two: Determine if vessel is currently in use. Step Three: Bend knees, extend rear-end and lower. Step Four: Adjust pants, shirt and seating vessel. Step Five: You are sitting.), but what position do you sit in?

I can't find a good one.

Weird, right?

I don't have a natural seated position. I don't have a simple go to that is relaxing, comfortable and done without much thinking (I literally over think everything, apparently).

My posture has always been an issue within myself. I hate that I slouch and I fear one day my back will curve, because of all my years of slouching and a flat back is sexy. Shoulders back, long neck... it's slimming, even if it is only an optical illusion.

So, how do you sit?

I spend all day trying to get comfy, because I am at a screen for 7 hours. I can't simple lean back, because I can't reach my key board, I can't slouch, because my muscles ache. I can't sit up right, because that is exhausting and I think I spend WAY TOO MUCH time thinking about sitting.

I have asked for a standing desk, but who knows how long that would last. I have looked into a stability ball for core work and better posture, but they haven't worked into my budget.

AND I can't tell if my muscles ache because of my poor posture or because I got my ass handed to be in yesterday's boot camp.

How do you sit?

And is it my boobs? Are they yanking on my shoulders, forcing them to droop with pulls my back into an arc?

So... let's sit up.

Everyone straighten your back, roll your shoulders back and place both feet flat on the floor and see how long you can hold it. I have fidgeted dozens of time, during the compilation of that idea and I am still not comfortable or relaxed.


Tuesday, October 14, 2014

The progression of thoughts during Spin Class.

Look I am doing it. I'll work off that donut in no time. I'll just turn up the tension. Are we going to start? I'm using all my 'good' energy waiting for the teacher. This isn't so bad. Wow, my bum hurts. Not even my muscles, but I think I bruised my inner bum. Maybe if I sit back on the seat. That's not so bad. Did my knee just pop? Oh, that doesn't feel good. Knees in. That's OK, I guess. Oh here we go. Are my feet in the right place? Gah, my bike is whistling. I love this song 'the ceiling can't hold us', the ceiling can't hold ME. I am queen of the spin. Whewf, glad I didn't wear shorts. Go. Go. Go. I can go faster. What is that smell? Fast flat. I am going so fast -- oh. How is she going that fast? She didn't turn up her tension. My boob is sweating, that's a good sign. What IS that smell? Sprint? I thought we were sprinting. Come on! It burns. When is the fan going to turn to me? Geez, my instructor moans a lot. Should I throw her a 'woo!'? Are we still sprinting? Turn it up, half turn, Ha, I will turn it up FULL turn. Nope. Half turn is good. This is ok. I can -- turn it up? Again? I think a quarter is fine. What is that smell? I wonder what song this is? Down, down, down. Find the beat. Bum Bum Bum. I'm on it. I look like a pro. No one can tell my legs are burning. Put your phone down. You're not even sweating. How are you going so fast? I think I smell. Cheater. Another sprint? Where is that fan? Oh, she is calling someone out! Wait -- is she talking about me? How is my form? I DID turn it up, Kerry! Stop, judging me. Am I not on beat? Another hill? Can I stand up? So. Much. Weight. I wonder if I could lead a class. I would have a killer play list. Wait - what? Sit? I just got up? I can't turn it up anymore. I am all out of 'turn up'. Tell some of these slackers to turn it up. Hmpf. She's moaning again. Knees in. Weight off my wrists. Back flat. Oh no, I smell. Can't breath deeper. I can't 'find my breath', I left it back on that last sprint. My lungs burn. Am I getting sick? Is it cold in here? Where is that fan? Oh, last song.  I can't believe we're slowing down. Woo. That was easy. Can anyone tell I am dying? My legs are wobbly? Hold the stretch. Let the dizziness fade, I worked SO hard. I could teach this class. Note: Bring deodorant to next class. Mmm... I need a donut. I've earned it.

Friday, October 10, 2014

My Oma died.

Yesterday afternoon my Oma passed away. She was in her 90s and suffering from dementia, she hadn't had quality of life in years. I hope she is in a better place.

I am sad.

I am confused.

I am angry.

I am sad, because a life ended. I am sad because my grandmother is no longer existing. Gone are the opportunities to get to know her, introduce her to my son, send her cards or be a good granddaughter. Family drama had prevented my participation in her life. I missed her everyday, but couldn't get to her. Adding dementia into the mix, meant that even if I did find my way to her she wouldn't know who I was, which would be heart breaking to both of us.

I am confused, because I can't find the words to describe her. I don't know where she went, whom she was excited to see again. I don't know if she is in a better place or just a different place. When my Nana passed away, it was devastating, because she was/is my mentor, but she found peace and probably ran FULL TILT into my Grandpa's waiting arms. She had spent 30+ years waiting to see him again. I know to this day that she is up there dancing with Grandpa, happy. I don't know where my Oma found herself. Did she find her way back to Opa? Or to a past love? What is she doing now and is it bringing her immense joy? I hope so. And as I have faith that my Nana is watching over me and guiding me, will my Oma watch over me as well? Even though it had been years since we spoke. Will she get lost in fond memories of her sweet Granddaughter or was I lost in the confusion of battling relatives? How should I remember her? How will she remember me?

I am angry, because my relationship with her was hindered by the pointless feuds of her children. The battles of money and possessions out weighed their need for family. I am angry that I didn't go against my father wishes and maintain a relationship with MY Grandmother.

But mostly I am sad.

I write this post as a dedication to my Oma, a strong woman that deserves so much more than a measly blog post.

I'm sorry Oma.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

My thoughts about Week One.

I finished my first week... 3 workouts one week. Done! I'm not about quitting but reevaluating my plan was my best decision. I didn't realize how stressed and depressed my previous attempts were. I would argue to myself every night about working out versus quality time with my husband and son, or sleep. I felt continually exhausted and fat. I was still working out 4-5 days a week, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't 6 days. I was losing quality for quantity.

It's funny. I feel better, slimmer and lighter. I'm positive and happy with myself... Weird.

Working out is about the balance and as much as I would love to bring fitness into my everyday via a workout, I will find more success this way.

Besides a happy Melanie treats herself less, craves less and genuinely eats better.

So I'm on the right path. I just had to find it.


Ps. I need to write about today's class and my instructors 'climax'. Stay tuned.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

I've SPUN.

I'm done.

I love the freaking GYM! I forgot the energy of working in a class, the thrill of loud music and instruction. The competition to be better than your neighbour. I have my endorphin high, I don't think I could stand right now if I tried, honestly I don't know how I made it back to my desk after an hour of spinning, but I am already looking forward to Thursday's class.


And you can go home again. I walked into my old gym and was greeted with smiling faces, requests for baby pictures and the feeling of home. The change rooms are a different colour and there are 5x the televisions, but its the same old gym.

I'm so glad to be back and the satisfaction of not having to work out tonight is the best part. I'm done. I can put Thomas to bed and climb in beside him.

No pictures... I wish I had brought my camera.


Monday, October 6, 2014

Sometimes quitting isn't failure.

.... sometimes it is, but I am hoping this isn't one of those times.

I took on the 90 day challenge for the third time in the hopes of losing the last 15 pounds. I thought I could handle a 30-minute workout at the end of each day.

I was wrong.

I'm quitting, because I am listening to my bodies request for rest (check out my 'Day in the Life' Page for reference... that tab up there -- little higher. Yup, that one. Just click it (or wait until you're done reading this epiphany) and you'll see my typical day, please try to stifle the yawn).

Sorry internet. I quit.

The positive news is... I am reevaluating my fitness goals and joining a gym.

So smile fair-internet, all is NOT lost.

I may not have the energy at 8 pm, but I can make the time during the day to venture away from my desk for a fitness break. I am in the office 8 hours, paid for 7... which means I should have 60 minutes mid day to do something good for me.

I printed out and completed the registration form for the in-office gym and in about 47 minutes I am going to go hand it in, get my scan card and officially be a gym member.

I am changing my fitness goals, I will...

-Always take stairs.
-Get to the Gym 3 days a week (minimum).
-Get outside with Thomas, for a walk or something at least once a week

As for my overall Health Goals, I have emailed a Naturopath in my neighborhood and I am hoping to sit down with them in 2 weeks, I think a detox is in order. My diet is out of my control, I just can't seem to get a handle on it and I need help.


That's big talk for a Monday, but hopefully it's the start of something bigger.


UPDATE: I joined the gym and am booked for a SPIN CLASS tomorrow at 12p.

Monday, September 29, 2014

90 Day •• Day 29

Week 5 is in progress. Monday are the worst, highlighted by shear exhaustion while over working my shoulders. Jillian! Ow!

And this lucky girl had her lunch made for her by her husband. It's a surprise, but he brought up a good point. My new lunch bag is a lesson in portion control. I lost my lunch bag, (a reusable thermal bag from Sobeys) I bought a new one... The best one I could find and it holds a sandwich, apple and ice pack. That's it.

Dieting brought to you by a tiny lunch bag.



I don't have a picture of my lunch bag so here is a picture of Thomas, being a sweet little boy. 

Realization is the first step.

I am 31 years old (Gah, I actually had to stop and think about whether I was 32 or not) and I am just  connecting the dots to my failure. Weird, right?

First, I am all about self-realization and believe it is the method of growth. I love learning about myself and using that to change my life in a positive way. I am very sensitive to comments about myself, because I want to be better. And one small comment about my attitude or appearance will always stick with me until I can change it (unless its a positive one and than I am VERY aware of it).

I am also realizing most people are NOT like this or ARE, but to lazy to change. 

I learned this about myself a few years back, when a former friend called me 'self-centred'.  I hated that, because it was true (yet I hadn't realized until she said it, which stung). I enjoy talking about myself and my life (hence this blog and 3 others JUST like it). I worked so hard to remove that trait from my list. I made a conscious effort everyday to stop talking about my life, to ask people about theirs, actively listening and even made notes to remember crucial information. I like how it feels when someone remembers something important to me, so everyone else MUST like it as well (which feels very self centred and ironic to type, but its true).

Since then I welcome comments about myself and how I am perceived. I want to be aware of how I make people feel. 

Back to the original thought, said the rambler. 

This weekend was rough. I was in a foul mood after a crummy Friday (work related), I was bloated, uncomfortable and miserable. 

I feel bloated, eat a cookie.
I wish we had more money, eat a bag of chips.
I am overwhelmed by the state of the house, fingerful of frosting.
Thomas won't listen, 2 cookies.
This drive is taking forever, Icced Cap and cookie. 
It's late and I'm tired, crackers and cheese.

I lean on food HARD. I always have, but all of that didn't seem odd to me, or even register... until this morning. I woke up in another fowl mood, dreading my day ahead and my first instinct... I'll get McDonalds for breakfast. I deserve it. Wait... WHAT?

Why do I deserve a grease filled, sugar laden breakfast? That's not a reward or a pick me up on a crummy day. It's only going to make me feel worse, but even as I type this I am thinking about it, because I treat myself with food. I justify snacking with excuses... I've been awake for 16 hours, I worked hard, I got a lot done today (food is also a celebration of successes, no wonder I carry extra pounds. Hmpf!)

And the more I think about it the angrier it makes me, because I am a logical person and it doesn't make sense!

So this morning, because I didn't have time for breakfast I walked past McDonald's and got this...

It's not great. It has a ton of sugar, but its a million times better than a Bacon and Egg Bagel with cheese from McDonald's.

I always knew I was an emotional eater... I just never connected to the triggers. I am hoping being aware of them will help me avoid them. 

Fitness has never been my issue. It's my diet that trips me up on every weight loss journey.

I am going to make an effort every single day to reward good behaviour with good foods (or no food at all, but baby steps). And I am going to combat bad days with good food, because I know that every bad day can be triumphed with a pair of, formally tight, lose fitting pants.

Wish me luck..?


PS. What have you realized (and changed) about yourself? 

Or (dare I ask) is there anything you've noticed about me?

Friday, September 26, 2014

Day 90 •• Day 26

Friday and I worked out! 

Because I saw this... 

It's true... If I can dedicate 45% of my day to working. I can dedicate 2% (30 minutes) to working out.


Cross your fingers I find the energy to workout tomorrow... Than it's my first legit full week.


90 Day •• Day 25

I worked out on the Thursday! The very Thursday of the Grey's season premiere, which is saying something, because I have used lamer excuses to miss a workout.

But after celebrating a financial victory with ice cream and having delicious, husband-made, spaghetti for dinner I didn't really have a choice.... really.

So I did my Week 4, Workout 3. Which means I am all up to date for this week. I am still short a few workouts over the past 3 weeks, but this week is ON TRACK. Which is great, because starting next week I will need to workout everyday... doubling up in weeks 5 thru 13, its too hard.

Ok. It's Friday. I am going to try and workout tonight, but we usually do things and that prevents a workout.

Although I had Pulled-Pork Poutine for breakfast and pizza for lunch... SO... I better get my butt in gear.



Wednesday, September 24, 2014

90 Day •• Day 24

Ok. It is day 24, BUT I needed to do a little catch up. 

So today I started with Mondays (Day 22) workout while Thomas was still awake. He loves when I am bouncing around or even better when I drop into plank. He uses me as a bridge to crawl under and/or crawl over. It definitely adds something to the workout, because he is NOT a little boy anymore.

And I love when he sees me workout... I can tell him as much as I want about the importance of a healthy lifestyle, but ultimately he is going to do as I do, not as I say. 

Then I moved on to Tuesdays (Day 23) workout, because last night I just didn' t have it. I fell asleep with Thomas and barely woke up to change in to my PJs. 

And then I put Thomas down for a nap, while upstairs I checked the calendar (reminding me today is Wednesday), and realized I was 7 workouts behind... SEVEN. Argh.

So I went back downstair and did ANOTHER one. I did my Wednesday Cardio, which could count for today (Day 24) but honestly I think it should count for Day 17 (last Wednesday). So after 90 minutes of working out I still have to workout tonight for today. GAH! It's so much, but I did it to myself and commited to 90 FREAKING DAYS! Not whenever I feel like it for 90 days. 

And maybe I can squeak in a double tonight (*eye roll*) and only be down 5 workouts for the 90 days and that is manageable. 


Oh and to get through the third workout... I changed my set-up. It's my day off and i wanted to watch Ellen. So I did.

Ok... I need to shower and prep the little guy, because this afternoon we are going apple picking!! We're going to ride a tractor, see the baby animals and maybe ride a pony. I'm so excited!



Tuesday, September 23, 2014

90 Day •• Day 23

Well that was a short lived 'on a roll'. I lost my roll... and not the roll I wanted (Ba-dum Chee).

Last week FELL A PART. 

I missed my Wednesday workout (Day 17) because I had to prep for a huge meeting on Thursday and didn't have the time to re-do my hair (lame excuse, but to wash my hair, blow dry and straighten is a lengthy process). I missed my Thursday workout (Day 18) because of that meeting. I was out of the house for 15 hours and got home to a tired little boy that needed a cuddle. And a husband who needed to hear about the meeting so we headed to Hibachi and then went to bed. I missed my Friday workout (Day 19) out of pure exhaustion. I missed my Saturday workout (Day 20) because of a Mom to Mom Sale and three banking appointments (This is the one I regret missing the most... I could have squeezed it in, but chose to do the dishes during Thomas's nap, because they were out of control). 

I had a dream of completing a 2 hour catch up workout on Sunday evening, but... I didn't. 

I had high hopes for this week (week 4), but I missed Monday's workout (Day 22) because the bank called and kept me on hold for 45 minutes. 

So many excuses. And then this, this morning... 

... at one point in the video Jillian does say 'I am always watching' and this morning when I went to get my shoes, there she was staring at me. 

I will workout tonight.



Because Lulu said so...

I put a lot of faith in my Lululemon persona. I completely buy in to the lifestyle (or wish I fit into the lifestyle and the new smaller sizes). And sometimes Lulu motivates me more than they realize. I have the reusable bags all over the place and proudly carry them as my purse and/or luggage.

I have the below bag hanging on the bathroom door... its full of makeup from the last time I needed to bring makeup with me (and the reason why I haven't worked out in a week. Eeeek). When I am getting ready in the AM this bag seems to have all the answers... 

Recently Richard and I have been doing the 'My-God-Kids-Are-Expensive-But-We-Want-More' Tango... His concern has always been the cost, not in a materialistic way, but in the 'I-want-to-give-my-kids-everything' way. I keep saying I am happy being poor as long as I have the family I have always dreamed of, which includes more little people. And then this... 

... because people are more important than money. I knew it! (Let's hope Richard always sees this bag when he visits the loo).

I am also in the process of making some huge life choices and fighting a struggle to decide. I have let this keep me away from my workout for varying reasons... from wanting to keep my hair fresh, to late night meetings, interviews, viewings and paperwork. Then I saw this... and now I am craving my 'daily hit of athletic-induced endorphins'. 

Thank you Lulu for bringing clarity to my life. 

And this lucky girl still has a Lulu GC to use up. 


Tuesday, September 16, 2014

90 DAY •• Day Sixteen

I'm on a roll! Ok... It's only a two day roll, but it feels like the beginning of a LONG roll.

Week 3, workout 4... Lot of arms, dead lifts, rows and bicep curls. My shoulders are burning, which I love. My arms are my biggest 'ugly'... meaning I hate them the most.

That might be why I love this series... For the first time I see a difference in my arms. I'm a leg girl; running, squats, spin class, step class. I'm not good at arms... Push ups are the worst.

Time to shower.


Monday, September 15, 2014

90 DAY •• Day Fifteen

Yup, I missed a few.

I got my period, ate cookies and sulked about being fat. I knew it was counter productive, but YOU try arguing with a hormonal beast! 

So I gained... Obviously. I know why and how, but it's still disappointing (and motivating... Sort of).

I said I would do this. I WILL do this. I will workout EVERY day this week. (I wish I believed me).

Week 3, Day 1 is done. It was great. I found it challenging... enough that I didn't do a double, which I considered before starting today.

My inner thighs are burning, but in the best way.

I will survive 90 days. I will lose 15lbs.



I always have an after workout sweet, tonight was apple sauce with a dragon spoon. What's your post workout routine?

Saturday, September 13, 2014

90 DAY •• Day Eleven

... on day 13. Argh!

I am quickly developing the routine of procrastination. I didn't workout Thursday (pure exhaustion) and Friday (because it's Friday and we had cake for dinner). Which left Saturday for Thursday and Sunday for Friday AND Saturday.

which means I have all the potential in the world to finish this week, but when things get tougher... I don't know how I am going to do it, as double workout become less of an option.

I'm just so tired!


Wednesday, September 10, 2014

90 DAY •• Day Nine & Ten

Skipping days are the worst! I skipped Day 9... I was exhausted (excuse 1), my favorite show was on (excuse 2), I was stressed (excuse 3... Which was enough to make me nap).

I knew I'd make it up on Wednesday, but that meant I thought about my double workout all day. I planned dinner and Thomas's bedtime AROUND my workout. I'm obsessed.

But it's done.

First I did my Wednesday cardio and then I did my Tuesday strength training. Then I cleaned the kitchen, made lunch, emptied and loaded the dishwasher, washed and sterilized the nipples, caught the end of Finding Carter (if you're not watching it. YOU SHOULD). Finally I had a shower and now I am in bed, struggling to stay awake long enough to write this.


80 days to go! 


Ps. Yes I see the irony in marking my fitness routine on a delicious burger calendar. I'm a glutton #forpunishment

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Water. H2O

In a sleepy daze I thought about writing this post. I remember thinking that H20 is good for you, but what would I be called if I were a molecule? I came up with a few weird ideas (the funniest is sitting on the highest cliff of my memory, out of reach. I know it’s there and its good, but I can’t quite get to it). And then I remember trying to figure out how to format H20 so that the number ‘2’ would be little. I was hoping Microsoft word would just fix it (as it does most of my mistakes), but no such luck.
How did I get on this string of random water talk? I took the most refreshing drink of cold water at about 3:30 this morning and I thought about all the people that think water isn’t desirable, then I felt bad for water, because water is pretty great, but might have low self-esteem, because people are always dressing it up or complaining about. It’s keeping you ALIVE, people! (See Microsoft realized I wasn’t talking to my friend Alice (originally typed “It’s keeping you ALICE”) and fixed it… but what about the little 2?)
So this most refreshing sip of water. It was 3:30 this morning and I was jarred awake by a lonely little boy who wanted his bottle and a cuddle. I happily obliged and marched into his room, stole a cuddle and dozed off on the chair while he ate. When he was done I wandered back to my bed, but I was too hot and my mouth had that ‘I’m-really-thirsty’ taste to it. Luckily I had a bottle of water on the nightstand and I started to slowly sip, but as it cooled my insides and quenched my thirst I started to chug it, needing more and MORE.

It just felt good.

Water is good.

How does all this late night rambling fitness-esque? Because water is the first step to health. It is always my first advice offering to newbies, just trying to get handle on your water intake will change your life. Dramatic? Yes.

If you cut out all other liquids (even milk and especially juice) and increase your water intake you’ll lose a couple pounds, sleep better and your skin will improve. It’s that easy. No one ever believes me.
I drink 5 bottles a day (1ltre) and more if I workout… I know when I am dehydrated, which happens quickly. I feel bloated (my rings don’t fit) and headachy, tired and cranky.

Richard always laughs, because I never leave my house without my bottle of water, but who’s laughing when he wants a sip – this girl! I laugh and then I share, because I am not a total jerk.

“Drink your water.” – Winston Chruchill

Signing out – M2O

Monday, September 8, 2014

90 DAYS •• Day Eight

Whewf! I'm pooped! Sundays need to be rest days. A double workout and then another one 24 hours later... Granted it's only week TWO (ie. easy peasy), but I'm tired.

I can't imagine weeks 12/13. 


I wish I had more wittiness to type, but... "Keep it short when your phone is drained of energy." - Winston Churchill


Sunday, September 7, 2014

90 DAYS •• Week One


It was down to the wire, but a double workout Sunday night put me back in the game!

I'm pooped.

Day 4 happened on day 5
Day 5,6 & 7 happened on day 7

Doesn't matter! I did it!

Celebrate with me! Pizza and beer! Kidding... Wouldn't that be a waste?!?

Now sleep.


Friday, September 5, 2014

90 DAYS •• Day Four

Which happen the morning of day 5.
Day 5 is happening this evening. Hmpf!

Skipping a day of the week requires a lot of rescheduling, but I can't eff up my first week (second week, maybe).

What a wicked night out though. Beers (rootbeer counts... for this DD)  on a patio with two of my favorite ladies. 

I got home at 2am after 21 hours of being awake (I'm too old for this shit)... Thomas had be up at 6. Anyways... Enough #mamaproblems, I have today off with the babe and I'm stoked.

Thanks ladies!

Thursday, September 4, 2014

90 DAYS •• Day Three

I survived Day 3 and am on to Day 4, which is a rest (and drink with friends) day. Woot!

Why you don't have a drawing of a stick me doing Suicide drills
#dontgooglesuicides #itsjustrunning
I did the cardio last night... instead of running. It went well.
I don't like *suicide drills.
I don't suicide drills inside.
I don't like suicide drills inside when my husband is home.
I don't like suicide drills inside, when my husband is home AND. WATCHING. ME.

I've begged him to work-out with me (after the success of the Ab Challenge), but he won't sometimes he just watches.



*Revised to write 'Suicide Drills' vs my original post of 'suicides' which I also don't like.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

90 DAYS •• Day Two

I haven't even quit yet, you guys.

Yesterday was an insanely productive day and I didn't hit my 'basement oasis' until after 9pm. I racked my brain for a viable excuse and came up empty... so I worked out. Week 1 Day 2.

It was great... another easy set of circuits. I need to bask in these moment, because I remember the pain of Week 12/13. Wheel Push-ups are the worst.

My best drawing of the awkwardness.

It's cardio tonight OR a 30+ minute run. I'm not sure what the plan is yet. My least favorite Jill workouts are the cardio, but that's because they are the hardest and despite what appears to be ambition -- I am lazy to my core. 

Wish me luck!


Monday, September 1, 2014

90 DAYS •• Day One

Summer is over. It's September. This isn't terrible news, but unwelcomed to say the least.

It's also the start of my 90 day revolution (round 2).

I decided to challenge myself with this program again. It's 30minutes a day, 6 days a weeks. Which is completely manageable... Even after a 12 hour day, with every excuse I will find 30 minutes.


So... after Thomas goes to bed and the house is settled, I trek down to the basement to workout with my stationary motorcycle.

It's a ghetto set-up, buts it's mine.

I have 17lbs to lose this round. 

Week One, Workout One.


I'm barely sweaty (who knew I was in good shape), but I feel very accomplished.

And tired.


Monday, August 25, 2014

A pledge.

I am making a pledge to my fellow curvy girls. I will be proud of my body and will stand back and admire it's talent at any size, because what my body can do is amazing... besides making a human being, it carries me through my day, up the stairs, running for the train, lifting my 25lbs baby... etc. etc.

I also pledge to be healthy and make an effort every single day to be better.

Today I avoided snacking (I wasn't really hungry just bored), I made a healthy dinner, did a 4k run and two 3 minute arm workouts.

What will you pledge? 



2 bras, 2 tanks, black pants, knee socks and an old pair of runners. It’s time to get muddy. This is my beginners look at getting muddy. I am a beginner of everything, an expert of nothing; except trying new things… so I am an expert at being a beginner.

I woke up abruptly to my phone buzzing; a gaggle of excited Mama’s cheering each other on, but secretly I think they knew I needed a wakeup call. I forgot to set an alarm and my dear sweet child chose SATURDAY to sleep in. I jumped up, startled Richard and headed to Thomas’s room… just to double check on him. Once he was settled I kicked it up frantically darting around my sleepy husband.

I hit the kitchen for an oatmeal muffin (Thank you Jillian Michaels for healthy, protein packed oatmeal chocolate chip muffins) and 2 bottles of water before dashing out the door on an adrenaline high.
I got lost (obviously) but quickly found on this foggy Saturday morning with a thunderstorm threatening to rumble through Vanessa and I follow the trail of cars heading to Albion Hills conservation area. She had a large coffee ready for me, sweet caffeine. I’ll take all the help I can get to willingly jump into mud puddles (ok, it doesn’t take much for me to happily jump through puddles… mud or otherwise).

We park and bounce out the car, excited to get going… excited to wait 2 hours for our heat time. The hum of activity carries us past the port-loos, over a bridge and into a thick crowd of clean runners. Thru the masses we see the rest of our group, they are all bibbed and ready to go.

We register… on the French forms, (because there was no line) so who knows what I agreed too, but what was done is done. Now the dreaded wait…

What better way to pass the time, than to drink an Endurance drink that makes your face tingle… and maybe your bum. So I did. It was watermelon and tasted of chemicals. It is supposed to block the lactic acid build up in your muscles to help you run longer. I started buzzing and dancing around… I think there was music, but it might have been all in my head. My friends didn’t say anything; in fact they danced along with me. That’s support people.

And we joked this is my Woodstock, a fuzzy head dancing around in a muddy field.

After a couple photos (Thank you Kev) we made our way to the starting line, I practically skipped and jumped in every mud puddle I could find. I enjoy the irony of the girls that tried to stay clean ON THEIR WAY TO A MUD RACE.

We lined up at the start, with the happiest old guy I have ever seen. Seriously… 60+. I felt a spasm of pride, but that could have been the endurance tingles from my watermelon juice.

We had an incredible hype duo DJ's Breeze & Maxwell Dillan blasted music in our faces and screaming for us to ‘warm-up’, ‘do push-ups, burpee’s and jumping jacks’ to which we obliged. You always do as the microphone’d man tells you. He also gave us the rules, no diving, no head first sliding and no piggy backs (I made that last one up, because the rules are pretty obvious).

Then he loaded up on to the sensor (to track our times) and blasted an air horn.

We’re OFF!

Vanessa and I start in a sprint, but only until we’re safely in the woods and away from the crowd. We slow to a job through the first ‘obstacle’ which is deep woods running, gravely paths, hills, sand piles. We hit the Frog Spa, ribbit ribbit! This involves slipping into a cool pool of mud and bobbing under beams. It’s the first ‘Yeow’ moment as you splash neck deep into brown water. The worst is trying to escape via a wall of mud, already picked over by the 10:30 heat. I paw at it like a scared cat before Vanessa offers me a hand and hoists me up, a running theme of the day.

Back to running… we’re 10lbs heavier with the mud squished into our shoes, but off we go with a hobble and pop. Still in the woods we job along the heat of the day finally kicking in, sweat and mud mingling in our eyes.

The Over Unders appear. For those unfamiliar… these are 5 foot walls you have to ‘hop’ over and love benches you have to crawl under. Vanessa popped over and yelled for me ‘Come on, Mel!’ I heaved myself on the wall, lost my balance and tumbled over. My first thought was I did it! My second was, did my left leg come with me, or did I leave it at the top? And then finally Fuck me I have to do this again?! I did have to do it again and AGAIN (just wait till I get to the Hero Walls or the Firewall). I do, go over and under FOR THE CAUSE, people.

We’re off and running again. Now things get fuzzy… I have no idea the order of the remaining obstacles, so we’ll summarize them the best we can.

DERBY: It’s my dream for rush hour traffic, a line of cars and you just run over them; hood, roof, trunk. This was hella satisfying.

LIGHT AT THE TUNNELS END: This was ridiculous. Both Vanessa and I jumped in. That’s where it stopped, because the mud was up to our vaginas and our feet wouldn’t move. Vanessa got hauled out, my a muscly hunk. I rocked my way to the end of the pit, but pulled myself out before ducking into the tunnel, which resembled a sewer drain… a FULL sewer drain.

I feel like this is the right opportunity to explain these ‘pits’. They are not dug out. These pits are built, by taking loose soil and piling it high and then filling the middle with water. It means once inside it’s a 4 foot wall of mud, straight up. No elevation, no stairs, steps or handles. The later in the day the trickier your escape.

SPIDER WEB: This is an elastic maze of invisibility. Dozens of strings are wrapped around trees and you’re left to navigate over, under and through. Just don’t snap yourself in the thigh. Ow. Or get the tongue of your shoe caught.

And can we talk about WHERE the mud is at this point? Everywhere… I can feel it sloshing in my panties.

MUDSLIDE: This giant slide is only reachable via climbing wall (freaking walls HAUNT me). Once at the top you jump into a slide, sounds fun until you get to the bottom and duck under the smelliest brownest water yet. I held my nose, but if I turn my head at just the right angle I can still smell it.

Now mud really is everywhere. I can taste it.

WATERWORKS: This comes up twice is a welcome surprise. It’s a fire hose in a tree that cascades the bridge with fresh, clean, not-from-the-bottom-of-anyones-shoe water.

BALANCE BEAM: There were two levels at this seemingly easy obstacle. We went the hard route to make up for the tunnel failure. This is a another pit but strung across are 2 by 4s, and 4 by 2s. I wobbled in the middle and pleaded with my centre of balance, ‘please don’t let me be the schmuck in the water. Carry me through sweet director of equilibrium’

FIREWALL SLIDE: This sounds fun, but it’s not. Involves climbing ANOTHER wall and then sliding playfully down a pole, but your hands are slick with mud, you have no breaks, but your thighs burn as you slip down… especially if you fell over a wall at the beginning of the race.

SUPER HERO CARGO CLIMB: You skitter up an angled cargo net, straddle the top and skitter back down. Only suffering a slight anxiety attack when you throw your leg over the top.

HERO WALLS: These bitches are angled, but not in your favor. Gah! I tried the ‘hard’ and failed, the ‘medium’ and failed… I was able to do the ‘easy’. Damn straight if ‘purse lady’ (yes there was a fully made up woman carrying a purse) could do it, I could.

Then we’re galloping through the woods, always up hill and we see the end. We hear it before we can see it. We run, full out. We’re so close, until we’re not and a particularly steep hill is clogged with walkers. We make it past them and spring through the crowd to the final two obstacles.

KONG: A new obstacle this year (although they are all new to me) is a beast, mainly because of the audience staring at your butt. It’s a wall (yes ANOTHER ONE) with a rope and foot pegs. Using the rope you climb this two-story wall, shimmy or bear crawl (thank you Thomas for teaching me the hands and feet method) across a cargo net before repelling down the other side, with just a rope.

Your feeling of accomplishment fades as you look on to the last obstacle.

MUD CRAWL: the deepest pool yet is tucked under a drooping cargo net. You slip in and swim across (or drag your weary body) and emerge at the last mud pile, but good luck dragging yourself out. Most people end up belly down sliding out, head first into a huge mud pit. Vanessa had to again hoist my mud soaked but out.

That’s it. We celebrate. Just a short SMASH, SLIP, SLIDE, CRASH. I eat dirt at the last turn, pulling Vanessa down with me, but it’s too slippery to get up and I consider crawling across the finish line, but there is Kev with the camera and I get up.

WE FINISHED! We got a medal!

I’m exhausted, battered and bruised.

Vanessa and I completed the course in 1:03:57.

We spent the next hour cheering along the remaining runners, picking dirt out of our curves and discussing the cervices we thought we might find dirt in the privacy of our own bathrooms.

Kim, Lyndi, Dee and Jen triumphantly finished the race at the 2 hour mark. A huge feat considering Kim has her leg in a splint (GO KIM). We cheer them on and collect for pictures.

Later finding out Kim did every obstacle… even the gross tunnels that I didn’t. I feel like a schmuck, but I am proud schmuck so I let her hug me with cold, wet arms.

We all donated our shoes, showered and headed to the car… where I stripped down and tried to find a clean spot. Nope. One does not exist.

Finally on our way home, my body rebels from all the over working… I eat the most delicious granola bar ever and we talk about next time, because we’re insane.