Doctors and Needles and Bad News OH MY!

Ok... so we don't have the bad news yet. Hopefully there is NO bad news to even discuss. As we know I headed to my favorite place in the whole wide world... the doctors office. This is where I sat for 2 hours waiting to get acknowledged. I hate waiting, but in my old age I have grown wise and brought a book to read... I got 12 chapters done, just to clarify the amount of almost wasted time.

Any who... I got into the office, just for a 'check-up', but I brought a laundry list of symptoms and ailments to discuss. I only venture to the doctor every couple of years... over my time away I put together a list of all the things that I want to discuss so I don't forget (one the list - bad memory, ironic). Then I sit in the cramped little office and tell my doctor of 17 years what I want to know.

This visit had a VERY long list, because I am in baby prep mode and want to work out all the little kinks early so making a baby is not only fun, but effective *cheesy 1950s smile* and maybe *swiping thumbs up*.

Cut to the chase you're all begging... 'WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?' Relax, I am getting there.

The main reason I went to this appointment was a sneaking suspicion my Hypothyroidism is acting up, my doctor confirmed my suspicions and sent me on a journey of tests and treatments. I have blood tests, X-rays, Ultrasounds and a breathing test, just for fun. We think the goiter is back and if you've been a long time subscriber you'll know that a goiter is what started this whole mess 2 years ago.

*I just went back and read my original entry to the blogging world and no I didn't explain that I had a goiter or that it started everything. I also didn't explain what a goiter is... Oops. A goiter is a growth (or swelling) in the throat it is typically a result of an underactive thyroid that has swelled in size trying to keep up with the workload. Its treatable, but not curable... much like Hypothyroidism. I think Home Improvement best explained it in 1996... Enjoy!

Back on track... So I have this thing in my throat again and we need to work out what it is, probably another goiter which can be sorted out with an adjustment to my thyroid meds. I also went in for shortness of breath (which is unrelated) and I am scheduled for a breathing test AFTER a chest X-ray... nothing serious, but worth resolving before baby. You can almost hear my biological clock ticking in these words.

Whewf... this post grew into something long and rambly... sorry.

Funnily enough though this appointment forced me to make an appointment at the blood donor clinic... to be a good person --- you know there is more. I asked my doctor for my blood type; with my Dad's recent diagnosis I know he will need blood and he is a rare blood type (O-) I think. I want to know my blood type to make sure I can help. My doctor told me... wait this is better in story telling land.

"My Dad was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer and I want to know my blood type to be able to help him." I leaned in waiting for the traditional 'I'm sorry'.

"Then donate blood and they will tell you." He said without looking up from the keyboard.

"I've never donated blood, needles scare me." I added an awkward laugh.

"Its an expensive test and I am not running it for no reason."

"The reason is I want to know."

"Then donate." He smiled and looked at me. "If you're not a match, then where will your Dad get the blood he needs from?" He dramatically pauses.

"From a blood donor clinic" I reluctantly reply.

"Then donate be a good person."

"I am a good person."

"Be a better person." He laughs "I have donated 80 times."

"A better person doesn't brag about his good deeds."

"Donate" And he closed up and walked out.

Hmpf. When did my doctor become such a preacher... granted, he is right, but I just wanted a simple answer to my simple question. So on Thursday (tomorrow) I am taking Richard with me to donate blood. Go me... forced or not its a good deed.

Ok... I'm done. I have a pile of work to do and despite my sore neck I intend on running this afternoon... 32 minutes of straight run and then 6 minutes of intervals... I get tired just typing it.

Oh yea and on the fitness/weight loss front... nothing to report, although I think my scale is broken... not in a Ah-its-going-up-it-must-be-broken kind of way, but a it-made-a-weird-sound-and-wont-read-anymore kind of way. In fact, just this morning I was up 24 pounds... so I think it is broken.

Ok... I am really leaving this time... enjoy Home Improvement... you're on your own for part 2 & 3.

Love!

Oops!

I am not sick... actually let's re-phrase with 'I am not sick enough to write a one sentence post about being sick' thats more accurate.

I was linking previous posts and clicked the wrong button without realizing until later... Oops. Sorry if I caused concern and I will promptly return the chicken noodle soup delivered lovingly to my door... Kidding! I am not returning anything.

As for today... its a whole new day. I am having a terrible, no good, very bad day. I woke up 4 times through the night; the first was because Richard fell asleep with the TV on... on wrestling. The Big guy was in the middle of yelling at the bigger guy and it all seeped into my dreams. I woke up angry and confused, slapped Richard (unintentionally) and made him turn the TV off. All of this was even more awkward, because of how sore every fiber of my being was/is. Why am I so sore you ask. I decided to run. Outside. In November. In Canada. I have this running schedule that hangs over my head and in sharing it with Richard he lays a mighty fine guilt trip when I make excuses. Its good and motivating, but sad and depressing when I am running in the dark to meet my goal. I did a 45minute run and ran just over 6k... go me! I came home with a runny nose and every part of my body ached... see my previous post in regards to the stairs that I faced to get out of the rain and into my warm house.

Wait... where was I? Right, today sucks. So not only am I tired, from being woken up (a second time involved a vivid dream about my teenage children) but while styling my mane (see picture) I through my neck out... at least that is what I think I did, because I have never done it before I can't be sure. As of right now I can't turn my head or accurately navigate my left arm without pain. On top of all that it is raining and oh yea, I fell down the stairs. Hmpf. Its really the only word to correctly grasp this kind of day. Hmpf.

Ironic though... all these things go wrong on the day I have a doctors' appointment... my first in 13 months. He's going to cringe as I shake out my laundry list of ailments for him to work out. The most important will be my Hypo symptoms... followed quickly by my neck pain. I think that testing will involve blood work too... so my very bad day will be complete with a needle. Hmpf.

I hope you enjoyed my pain... it almost makes it all worth it.

Love?

Week 1 - Done!

I finished my first week of running. I feel good. I do love running... and today I feel even more like a runner, a dedicated, work through the pain runner. This is because, without realizing it, I ripped the nail off my middle toe. Don't picture it. It's purple and painful. I didn't even realize it till my post run shower... it just kind of hurt.

Sadly I wear it proudly... injuries (that aren't life threatening) make me feel like I am doing something, anything. I know that is weird, but its true. A sore muscle, a busted toe, a bra wound means I am working... I am not just coasting along.

I ran outside yesterday, in Canada, in November... it was 14 degrees. I am enjoying the weather, but I know we will pay for it in the months to come. It's Canada and it is never this warm without consequence. Ew. Now running outside my speed/pace changes with my mood, inside the treadmill determines my pace (based on my direction)... anyways it is easier to fluctuate without the treadmill. I thought this would mean slower... let's face it, I am naturally lazy, but to my surprise I ran faster; 0.35km faster. I can explain... week one is the same for every workout so I can watch my progress.

Day One - 35 minutes; 4.18km (treadmill)
Day Two - 35 minutes; 4.04km (treadmill.. I thought I was going SO much faster)
Day Three - 35 minutes; 4.53km (outside)

I always prefer to run outside... it keeps me entertained, which I why I think I gave up running in the first place. I can't read a book on the treadmill and it gets boring staring at the wall for an hour, while on the elliptical I can read a book. I like books Thus the STOP running mystery is solved.

The only known downside to running outside (at home) is all the stairs. I believe I have told you about my house of stairs... after a run I do not want to walk up 100 stairs to get to the shower.

So much stairs

And finally picture of the much complained about stairs... although, I have to tell you my bum has never looked better since we moved into the house of stairs.

No running today (unless weather allows) because I have a lunch thingy to go to and its worth it. Its a going away lunch for my work husband... I can't say much more than that or I will cry... *Sniff*

Week TWO should start tomorrow... right after I go to the doctor to fix my lingering Hypothyroidism symptoms... wish me luck!

Love!

Running.

You know... I enjoy running. I enjoy the sweat and the struggle. I enjoy the time alone with my thoughts. I enjoy the notable progress. I like the available schedules and the routine, yet I always stop running. I stop because my knees hurt. I stop because it rains or snows. I stop because the treadmills are full. I stop because I am lazy and the elliptical is so much more appealing. Then I start again and I remember I love it. I remember the results and the sweat. I wonder every time WHY DO I STOP RUNNING?

Running is even the best solution for weight loss... I lose pounds and inches when I run.

So... I am going to run. As of today (I just finished week 1, day 1) I am doing a 6 week schedule. Which means by January 1st, 2012. I will be able to run 60minutes without stopping (again). I will also be 10 pounds lighter. This is the goal... I am hoping this goal will motivate me through the holidays and prevent weight gain. I took into consideration the holidays and the parties... I have worked the schedule all the way around every obstacle... well almost. Snow. I have no resolution for snow. If it snows and I am scheduled for an at home work out... then i am not running.

I am also going to attempt to get my punching filled so I can kick box on those off days that I can't run. I figure I have to do something for my arms and like running, I love boxing and it works.

I am back on track... I had a very drunk weekend for of contemplating and nothing I am trying to do is really that hard... especially based on the battle my Dad will be fighting for the rest of his life.

Retro running Melanie

Love!

He has cancer.

I'm scared and distracted.

It makes me want to sleep. It makes me want to be healthy. It makes me want a hug. All and all it scares me how much I care and even more so, it scares me what my first thought was. How are you suppose to act when you find out this news? What is acceptable behaviour?

Any help... advice or comfort would be amazing.

I feel little lost and empty.

I feel like I apologize a lot.

I'm sorry. I am sorry I can't keep up a blog lately... which isn't completely true, because I have several and I promise the others are updated all the time... not to make this blog feel neglected, but with the wedding and a crazy mother in law the other blogs are over loaded with material.

As for the fitness side of things... I am still out there working it. Its been almost a week since I've had a good workout, but I have a cold... and I think it is killing me. I am not sleeping or breathing. I am clouded and coughing. I don't think its right to take a sick day and than go for a run.

So today I am going back to the gym... not for my spin class, but for a light elliptical. Its something right? I have been keeping up with my diet and honestly I am doing well.

Nothing to report... I've lost a few inches, but haven't lost any pounds. I am getting nervous... my mother has lost 42 pounds! Good for her, but makes me feel like a slacker... it has taken me 2 years to lose 45. Argh!

Love!

I am trying.

I am trying SO hard! I feel like I can't get on track. I did the worst thing possible and started the SlimFast 1-2-3 diet... I know. Its a fit persons nightmare, because it is NOT the healthiest form of weight loss, but I have to do something. I am losing ALL motivation. I still go to the gym everyday. I still push myself during cardio AND strength training. I still want this SO bad I can taste... and it tastes SO good.

Hunger = Success

And I am incredibly hungry. I opted for Breakfast Shake, Lunch Shake and healthy Dinner. I like cooking/eating with Richard. Its our bonding time... we dance around the kitchen to prepare a meal and then huddle around the table for a re-cap of our day. The only thing MORE important than getting skinny is loving him.

I am on day two and as above I am hungry, but its worth it. I want to drop 5 pounds before the end of the year in 8 weeks. That is VERY reasonable. Although I have NO way to measure right now... my scale is on the fritz. It told me I gained 15 pounds this morning... I don't even believe it. So I am going to keep working, because it will seem that much sweeter when I weigh myself in 3 weeks and I am down. Down from what... I don't know, because I haven't been able to weigh in for 2 weeks. My jeans are lose and I am on the last boot loop, but that's the only way I can measure right now.

I still wish I could be happy being me at any size, but the likelihood of that happening is VERY slim. I can't wait to be pregnant... I think it will be the only time in my life I will LOVE my body.

Sorry I haven't been updating daily... just feeling down and defeated about the whole thing.

Love!

I'm losing it.

That would imply I had it and given my current state I am thinking I never did. 'it' being the key to maintaining my lifestyle AND good health. I know my lifestyle has to change, what I really mean is finding something that I can take AS my lifestyle... something that will work... something that will stick. The only consistencies through this whole thing is the gym. Everything else comes and goes... its in a going state. I have lost all sense of ambition and I have no interest in portion control, restrictions and calorie counting. Life can't be this hard... and honestly I am living by the main rules... eat well, don't snack, but they aren't working. They aren't working in a sense as I slide (had a large dinner, but still made it to the gym) and it results in a HUGE gain. It could be water weight, but Friday to Friday its a 6 pound different. I still went to the gym everyday and then some. I still cut out wheat and diary. How can I be trying so hard and still failing??? It is so frustrating that i want to throw up my arms and eat a bowl of FULL FAT ICE CREAM.

I know I will hate myself in the morning, but right now I will feel good and I haven't felt good in a LONG time.

Honestly I feel overwhelmed with life... partly wedding related (planning a wedding is a lot of work and its exhausting... partly work (2 people just left my department. 1 I wanted to go and 1 I am devastated to lose)... partly my Dad and the uncertainty of his diagnosis (There might be no BIG wedding).

I'm tired, but I feel lazy when I am acknowledge that and sleep in, take a nap or skip the gym.

Not sure how to fix my mood... not sure how to make it all work again. I want to be a skinny bride, but maybe I should just learn to be happy where I am... ok if nothing changes... that would be AWESOME...

Love!