Well Mr. New Year... we have things to discuss.

I can't believe I find myself here again. I can't believe I wasted all my hard work by letting things slide, small at first and then huge leaps of failure. I stopped even trying to be successful. I can fire off the excuses, but really I just gave up. I killed it in June and July, I dropped 20lbs. I ate well and worked out, I weighed in weekly and I was happy... clothes were starting to fit again. I felt good... then it plateau'd. It was 5 months of the same numbers on the scale, I could drink all the water, sleep all the hours, count all the calories and running all the kms... yet it wouldn't budge. I lost motivation. I lost it all.

I found burgers, cake and pies. Chocolate for breakfast, snacks in bed, milkshakes... everything I ever wanted, and always had a perfect excuse.

Now its Boxing day and I am here, with my new scale and my gifted gym membership wondering how to get back on track. What can I do to find the motivation? Set a goal? Find a teammate? Join a program? A trainer?

I DON'T KNOW.

I don't know... I am eating chocolate as I read this, because... just because. Argh.

I hate myself. I hate how I feel, how I look in pictures... I hate it. HATE IT!

I don't have a solution in this post.

I do have a million new things to share...

I got a new job, I started last week. Zac started daycare. He started last week. So a new routine is forming, I just need to figure out where the gym and meal prep fit in.

Hmpf.

bricks or feathers.

So I am having this debate, mostly with myself, I mean Zac is here, but he's not all that focused on his side of the argument.

Which burns more calories... Running 3km or walking 3km? In theory it's the same amount of steps, but is it the same amount of calories?

Running is more rigorous and causes more exertion/sweat, but is condensed.

Running 3k = 20 minutes

Walking is more casual and causes minimal sweat/exertion, but takes up more time.

Walking 3k = 35 minutes

And if they are the same calories, which has more health benefits? Science (and the Internet) tell me interval training is the best for fat loss, which combines the two. But again... 3k is 3k.

Right? This might just be the, 'which weighs more a 100lbs of feathers or a 100lbs of bricks', all over again.

And also, this new happy water is making me tired.

Xo

 

Stepping off the scale and fighting the lazy gene

I am driven by results, when something works I will do it and do it well. On the other side I am devastated by lack of results, when I am consciously eating well, hitting my daily steps, drinking water and going to the gym (especially after an exhausting rainy day with both boys) and then I step on the scale and its up (or the same which is more defeating sometimes)... That's when I quit, because doing nothing warrants the same results, so WHY DO ANYTHING?? Can you feel my frustration?? My day was determined in the first 5 minutes, because that was when the scale told me if I was a failure or not. 

So I decided to step off the scale, which is huge (typically I weigh in 3+ times a day... Obsessive, right??). To prevent cheating; my morning starts (while still in bed) with drinking a litre of water. This skews any scale read and is enough to disuade my from it (learning your quirks and what works for you is part of adulting). 

I'll let you know how that pans out tomorrow (Friday is weigh in). But as of now, I feel great, optimistic even. 

I'm realizing now, laziness is genetic. My Mum, Dad and Brother are naturally lazy, I'm very aware of that. It's highlighted by Richard, who barely sleeps. 

I feel my lazy gene kick in when spending all day in bed seems like a completely suitable way to spend a day. I have to make a conscience effort to take every step towards healthy. Literally EVERY STEP. 

It's not an excuse, just another realization about myself. 

I'd write more, but my lazy genes have overulled my desire to further explain.

Love!