Tuesday, August 8, 2017

... but I do it anyways.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.

I am insane.

Before starting Isagenix and working on my clean eating, I would wake up with chest pain. I always attributed it to how I slept, but then we bought a new mattress. Some days were worse than others, but overall I had this heaviness in my chest every morning. I believe, 'hey I am fat, this is what fat feels like,' but its more than that.

Then I did Isa and it stopped, I didn't even notice that it had stopped until it happen again and I remembered the pain or the lack of it over the first 30 days of cleansing.

What the hell is going on?

I started to think it was something I was consuming, because it would come back without warning and linger for a day. I couldn't put my finger on it, my diet is pretty basic.

I went to my GP and they ran a battery of tests; blood, x-ray and ultrasound to find nothing wrong.

They chalked it up to Costochondritis; inflammation of the junctions where the upper ribs join the costal cartilage that attaches them to the breastbone (sternum). Costochondritis causes localized chest wall pain and tenderness that can be reproduced by pushing on the involved cartilage in the front of the rib cage. And suggested I take an Aleve every night before bed to bring down the swelling and prevent future pain. They didn't even acknowledge my thoughts on a food sensitivity.

So... I could take a drug forever or OR I could go on a quest to figure out what is wrong and fix it.

I am writing this post realizing you are looking for answers, well me too. I am currently searching for a naturopath to help with the riddle.

In the meantime, the insanity is surrounding my eating habits. I know it hurts when I eat crap, I don't know what kind of crap, but all crap. So don't eat crap is the easiest solution, right?! Well, why can't my brain work that out??

When I am faced with a dessert or delicious treat I have zero willpower... I eat and eat. At home I can keep it at bay as I don't bring it in to my home and surround myself with healthy options, but then I am out in public and deliciousness is presented and I gorge myself.

Case in point this weekend I got to go to the most delicious house I know; a talented smoker mans the grills with ribs, chicken, brisket and steak* and then there are desserts I can't refuse and appetizers and treats. This doesn't even include the wine I managed to avoid, despite my desire to liquidate my afternoon.

So I spend all of Monday struggling to breath because the chest pain was so intense, several times running from my children to throw up. It was gross, but I did it to myself. I knew my previous days consumption was not only going to tip the scale, but it was going to hurt. I jeopardized an entire day with my kids, my weight-loss progress and everything I have worked so hard for, for sugar.


I am so disappointed with myself.

*These are not the culprits

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