It's 6:15am and I am laying in a dark room listening to my mother try and breathe.
It's heart breaking at the struggle her body is having with the basic necessity of breathing. Her breath is short and garglely and it has been all night. All night her lungs have fought to expand under the weight and I am so glad today has finally arrived.
Today my Mother is having gastric bypass surgery. A final effort to regain control of her life, to gain freedom and independence from a body that struggles to survive.
I don't know how we got to this point, but I have lived in fear of repeating my mothers mistakes my entire life. She lost herself in struggling to survive with 2 kids and no support. She forgot to take care of herself along the way.
The slip lead her to a life of obesity. She can hardly walk or live freely. She can't travel or play with her grandson. Her day revolves around thoughts of food... just like mine does.
This is what pushes me to get up at 5am every morning and go to the gym. This is what drives me to find time to take care of myself in a day full of other peoples needs.
She is why I will lose the weight and stay in control of my body and my life, because the simple pleasures of mobility, easy breath and freedom are too important not to fight for.
Wish us luck today. It's a big day and this is a huge step towards independence and the life she deserves. I'm proud of her for recognizing her weaknesses and getting help. It was a huge decision that took years to make and over 15 months to plan.
It is a new beginning and I can't wait to have my Mum back.