Yup, I said it.
I am SO sick of watching my health... monitoring my health... EFF IT. Being aware of my body's issues isn't fixing ANYTHING. It isn't making anything easier.
Knowing about Hypothyroidism and blood clots, miscarriages and symptoms doesn't FIX anything.
I would rather live in naive bliss then the informed HELL I am going through.
EFF you GOOGLE and your endless stream of answers... answers to ridiculous questions.
Screw the recommendations and helpful advice; I want to know NOTHING. I want to bounce through life without EVER worrying about death, disease or destruction. Knowledge is NOT power.
I know I have an issue with Blood Clots... that is NOT going to stop my body from producing them.
I know I have a thyroid handicap... that doesn't help me lose weight or regulate my sleeping patterns.
I know ALL of the symptoms of pregnancy... that doesn't help me get pregnant.
I know all the complications of prostate cancer... that doesn't heal my father.
And all this 'knowing' has just made me angry and bitter. I miss being stupid... I was happy when I was stupid.
How do I UNLEARN everything? How do I clear my head, when I KNOW it’s not possible?
This post was supposed to introduce my current issues as well as discuss my new running schedule, but it all seems pointless now. Nothing I do will change the outcome; no matter how hard I work or how much time I dedicate to each disease... it won't make a difference. I am a broken human being and knowing that sucks.
I might run today, but the more I think about it, the more I don't want to.
I want to wallow.