Tuesday, May 17, 2011

I love cookies!

15 days to go and I still have 2 pounds to lose. You know why? Because I love cookies! I can't stop myself its a disgusting compulsion to have ALL the cookies. I can be fuller than full, having just enjoyed a nutrient rich home cooked meal, but you bring out the cookies and I want them. So badly I inhale them so I don't have to share as if the cookies in front of me are the last cookies on earth and I need them so badly I am going to DIE without them.

I find ways to justify them. Reasons to avoid guilt (which never seem valid after the cookie is digested and the scale remains the same).

I also eat well ALL day. i pack a sensible lunch that abides by ALL the rules set out for me by the naturopath. I even go home to my sugar loaded (in-laws) house and avoid everything... until the cookies come out. I can do my best to avoid the cookies, but even the thought of them will pull me out of a dead sleep into a primal rage of craving.

I hate myself for it. If I truly cut out ALL cookies... I would be so far past my goal it would be impossible to even remember PRE GOAL Melanie, but alas I love cookies. They are my crack.

I do need to get a grip on this those. I have a past filled with binging and purging. I sometimes get sucked into that lifestyle again, even with all my knowledge. I always do my best to be healthy, but the GOD DAMNED COOKIES get me every time!!!

Ok... rant over. Sadly all I can think about now is cookies.

I did a wicked spin class today and I can't wait to hop on the scale tonight and see my progress. It is my first mini meeting with Nicole.

A mini meeting is a quickie appointment to weigh-in and ask a question (if need be). I am not being charged for this, because my Naturopath is that amazing. She got into the business to help people and when I explained my financial plight she offered to help and I love her for it.

I will let you know how it goes tomorrow... tomorrow when there will be only 14 days to go!


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