... things have been rough.
Good news - not everything has changed. I still can't draw hands and I am still rocking the same ratty black tank top. Everything else is different.
First - I am living through a global pandemic. At least it started global - now its just Ontario who has been in perpetual lockdown for 1000 months (since March 2020). None of us know what that means - everything is open (basically) and you can still go to work, but the kids can't go to school. Basically Ontario lockdown means all the fun stuff is COMPLETELY UNSAFE. I am vaccinated, Richard is vaccinated and we're doing our best -- not to kill each other.
Second - I found Tik Tok. Blogging isn't cool anymore, but Tik Tok doesn't care if I am good writer, it just wants me to dance. I can't dance.
Third - I have an intimate relationship with my therapist. I'm working to heal all that inner trauma so the beauty queen that I am can shine through. It's a process.
Fourth - I have gained and lost and gained the same 75 pounds since you last heard from me. I have never stopped trying, but life and being a grown up is hard.
Fifth - My kids are full grown humans now (5&7) and it's time to get back to the fun of being me. I used to be so cool, then I stressed about kids and diaper creams, sleep training and proper diet that I became angry and boring. Not anymore my friend - NOT. ANY. MORE.
So where am I in my fitness-esque journey?
I switched jobs again (on that note, I do change jobs a lot but I don't believe we should ever settle and although I loved the clinic, I needed more). The ONLY perk to the pandemic is the remote option for everything. I now work from home and sit my juicy booty at a desk for 8 hours a day. That's a lot of sitting and it makes it super easy to be lazy, to sit and eat all day. On a lazy day I can get from wake-up to bedtime in under 2500 steps.
I have to make every effort to move. I set an alarm for every hour and when it dings I get up - squats, twists, presses (sometimes even with weights). Then I restart the timer and get back to work. It's not much - it's not enough, but it keeps my thunder thighs from storming.
I am trying to shift my habit to include a walk every evening -- but life is just wearing me out and that is usually only a few times a week. I tried morning work-outs, but I love sleep and found I don't put in enough effort in the AM workouts.
On the remote pandemic train my gym switched to virtual work-outs. Which I thought I hated, but have recently fallen in love. It's predominately weight lifting, which fits more with the me I want to be than cardio ever did. I still want to be a coach/trainer, but I am working on myself as my first client.
R.O.D. is the coolest human I know, he ran a gym before the shutdown and it was amazing. Sadly they couldn't keep a float during the pandemic and he found his groove in an online forum. It's spectacular somehow he created a community with all of us at home. The workouts (and play lists) are killer and I look forward to it everyday. I just wish there was more -- it's only one class a day.
I do need to invest in heavier weights because I am a strong bitch that outgrew her 10s. Yasss Queen!
Breath in the good shit, Breath our the Bullshit.
That's my segue to meditation - I am a meditator. The more research I did on weight loss, will power health and habits -- it all came down to mediation. Being able to calm your brain and do what is needed is a game changer, not to mention the benefits as you age (it's another tool in my tool box to age gracefully and remain strong and independent).
And affirmations - I am strong, I am capable, I am loved and I am a bad bitch. We recite these things out loud and often. Zac (5 and awesome) does this beautifully.
My goal in life is to be happy - at any weight, at any point. That means I have dance breaks, I make bad jokes, I listen to my body. It means I am healing all the parts of me.
That is what his blog as always been about -- and if I want to be the girl I was, the one that laughed at herself, was excited about life and danced through the storm, I need to write.
Welcome back!
All my love,
Melanie
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