Thursday, May 27, 2010

I am SO disappointed with myself.

I feel bloated and disgusting. I can't stand my body and I am having a terrible day. I know that realistically I am fine and its just part of the cycle... I am in my bloated fat stage and it will pass and I will feel better, but that doesn't help me now. That doesn't make dress shopping for a wedding this weekend any easier. I have been putting it off because I do feel fat and gross... I am sweating (its like 40 degrees this week) and miserable.

I feel SO defeated and angry. I haven't gained weight, but I haven't lost. I want to lock myself away and binge on yummy foods that give me a feeling or comfort and security. I know that won't help anything, but that is what I want!

I missed the gym today at lunch because I had to go dress shopping... I didn't find anything. Apparently loosing nearly 30 pounds still finds me in plus sizes and that is devastating. I feel like it is all for nothing... its like Mike on the Biggest Loser... he started the show over 500 pounds... half way through he had lost over 200 pounds, but didn't bask in the sucess, because for make-over he had to shop in the fat man store. That is how I feel... 5 months of working SO hard and I am still an extra large... WTF?! The optomistic side says... imagine how you would feel if you hadn't done ANYTHING?! But the whiney, tired Melanie is winning over and I want to curl up in the corner and forget it all exists.

Whewf... needed to get that out. Talk about mood swings from yesterday...


Ps - Sex in the City was awesome... not in the city, but its forgivable!

One more Ps - click the link... its pretty cool BURGERVILLE... calorie reciept???

1 comment:

  1. Hi,

    I found your blog on lose it!

    I know it's hard. Just keep it up. It will happen. Did you see how happy Mike was at the finale? He struggled but didn't give up and even at the finale he still has weight to loose but he'll keep going. I wanted him to win. He was very inspiring to me.