Friday, April 23, 2010

I feel defeated!

Actaully I feel conflicted. I know I am making progress and I know I am entitled to a day off, but when I fall off... I fall off! I made oreo cookie cheesecake last night for goodness sake! AND I ate it! Actually it was a small piece, because I don't really like Cheesecake. If I am going to eat cake I want fluffy cake with icing... not cheese! I made it because Richard graduated yesterday and it is his FAV! (Congrats, babe!)

So the conflict is because I am good. I have support from amazing people I haven't even met... I have lost 21 pounds and I am proud of myself, but I am upset today, because its not happening fast enough. I know slow weight loss is worth it and will last... but I just want to be fit now.

Yesterday started with a busy day... I didn't make it to the gym, because of work. I didn't have a plan for the gymSO I wasn't pushing for gym time, but I could have gone. I also missed out on my bingo number... if it was  N34 I am going to be SO mad! Then I was hungry ALL day! I stayed under my calories, but my stomach wouldn't let up.

So I go home intending to go play frisbee or go for a walk and get sucked into baking the above cheesecake. AND Richard bought me a shirt... that doesn't fit... why? Because I am TOO big. I know it was good intentions AND the shirt is designed for a twig with no chest, but it didn't fit and probably never will... I had to admit it was too small and it hurt to say it. Ridiculous? YES! Than I ate the cheesecake. I finally tried to call it a night and Richard wasn't tired... so I fell asleep alone only to get up this morning alone... I know. Crybaby, right?!

I weighed in this morning and I am NOT where I need to be to meet my goal for this month and my MOOD implies something is JUST around the corner. Something that will cause me to gain. Something that will ruin the exciting plans for next weekend.

Argh! That is just the mood today. I am going for a run... come hell or high water I will RUN!


1 comment:

  1. The run will make you feel better!!

    We all have days like that- you weren't defeated, just a blip. As long as your overall trend is downward, you are still winning!!

    I SO understand the feeling of wanting to blink and be at my goal!! Allow your self sometime to daydream about it and know it WILL come.