Sunday, December 18, 2011


I'm over whelmed with life and feeling a little panicked. I feel like I am about to disappoint people. Have you ever felt like that? The onset of these feelings is good, surprisingly. I can handle my family, my sick Dad, my crazy mother in law, my wedding, but Christmas... no. I am stressed the entire break; a lot of the standard... did I get everything? Will the kids like the presents? How much further in debt I am... but for me its always the running around. I'm tired, but I can't stop because everyone wants to get together (#firstworldproblems). Before you behead me for whining about nothing... I have a week to visit with everyone... over a dozen friends have asked for special time, which I love, but can't accommodate. Then I have my Mum and my Dad... separately. Richards parents, his Aunts and his friends... everyone also lives hours and hours away. Not to mention my awesome co-workers and distant friends who all pop up over the holidays and want to 'grab drinks'. I feel spread to thin and I feel like all i am going to do is disappoint everyone. Now add that looming sense of disappointment to a fast approaching wedding that has been nothing but a battle every step of the way, to an overwhelming boss 5 days a week, a Dad who just keeps getting sicker, a brother who can't be counted on, but leans heavily on me, my own imperfect health and keeping a house (although Richard is great at helping).

I always wanted to be popular with lots of friends and loved ones, but its all scary. Everyone in my life is so amazing and I don't want to let anyone down. I don't want to pick and choose...

Writing is my therapy. I just needed to write. I am attempting to run today in the snow, but we will see.


PS - No countdown... I don't want to think about how few days are left.Eeeeeek!!

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