Thursday, September 16, 2010

I am tired and FAT today...

What the HECK is going on?!?!?!

I am UNDER my calorie budget (eating less than 1500 a day). I am sleeping 8-9 hours a night. I am hitting the gym 6 days a week. I am running my ass off. I am taking vitamins and supplements. I am NOT eating before bed. I am drinking a TRUCKLOAD of water EVERY day. I cut out FAST food. I rotate weight training with Cardio. It is NOT that time of the month. I am NOT bloated.

I am gaining weight... every day. No matter how hard I work.

I should be at the 6-to-lose point, yet I am still hovering around the 16 to lose... 4 pounds UP from Saturday. How does that EVEN make sense????

I want to keep going, but at this point I have NO motivation, because what's the point. I am a fatty and probably always will be... it sucks. I hate it and honestly, I hate myself.

The hardest part for me is... my previous eating disorder. Sorry, I am going to get a little honest right now. I used to BINGE and PURGE. It's terrible, but it worked. I grew up at 25 and decided NEVER to do that again, but its things like this week that make me WANT to do it again. It works... it is terribly hard on your body and NOT a long term plan, but I am SO sick of being patient. Nothing in my life happens as fast as I want it too.

It's NOT muscle... just so we're clear. It's FAT! I measure my Body Fat Percentage once a week.

I am so frustrated... and in 2 hours I have to decide whether I am going to SPIN this afternoon. I HAVE to go to BOOT CAMP... its the last one and I paid for it. I am frustrated to because I do Boot Camp...  pay for Boot Camp yet in the past 4 weeks I haven't lost anything. Nothing. What a waste!!


Sorry... I know this BLOG is suppose to light and fun, but its also honest. This is how I feel today.

Pounds to loose: 16(-8) - Body Fat Percentage Decline: 0.6% - Inches Lost: 8

No comments:

Post a Comment